Mother in law frustrating me, please help

[Diamond345]

I have a 5 month old baby and weekly take him to see MIL. She is very kind and not a bad person but she is started to annoy me regarding my child.

• she keeps telling me what to do, telling me what he likes and dislikes and i should do this and that, like get him a blanket with a teddy because he likes blankets near his face. I said no i don't want him with loose blankets when sleeping.
• she keeps saying shes been looking at baby food when i have already told her that i want to cook my own food for my baby.
• she takes over my baby and says he needs a nap when doesn't (had a nap an hour ago and shes forcing another nap), which frustrates him and he then gets upset.
• keeps trying to put the TV on when iv said i don't want him watching TV.
• when he naps and wakes up she ignores me lime I'm not there and gets him straight up passing him to visitors.
• Offers visitors i do not personally know to hold him. (Im not comfy with this)
• stands over me when i’m changing his nappy and tells me how to do it… yeh iv only been changing nappies for 5 months !!!
• acts like he belongs to her and takes over, some may like this but i do not
• when she looked after him when i had a drs appmt i was upset to leave him and she was preventing me from saying goodbye and cuddling him and making me lay him down.

I want her to ask me if things are ok and not just do what she wants, i don't feel like i’m his mum when I'm there and i don't get to hold him because she keeps taking him away all day. I understand she wants to spend time with him but she pushes me out i feel and the constant telling me what to do is really bothering me.

any advice on how to tell her nicely when her advice is unwanted ?

Why are you taking the baby weekly and how long do you stay? Does your partner go too?

I’d only be able to cope with short visits. You need to be sharp with her when she really oversteps, I know it’s hard. For example if she hovers when you are about to change a nappy, just say pleasantly “Please don’t hover, we won’t be long… [she doesn’t budge] … really Jacky! I don’t like it when you stand over me and tell me how to change a nappy so just wait until I’ve finished.” She will take offence but use it to tell her that while she may not realise it, she’s overstepping and you are little Grendel’s mother and know him best, just as she probably knew your husband best when he was a baby… Tell her you are getting more and more reluctant to visit.

If you don’t change anything your tolerance will get ever lower and that’s in nobody’s interest, particularly hers, as she may see less of her grandchildren.

You need to put boundaries in place and stop visiting so frequently. Say no - politely but often. "Thanks but I don't need advice" "that's a great idea but he doesn't need a nap" "I'll take him please, I don't want him being help by other people"