9 year old fear of sleep following surgery

[Thisismyusername123]

My son is 9 years old, nearly 3 months ago he underwent surgery. A painful recovery but he is back to school and sports now.

Just before his surgery date he was naturally very upset and worried about the surgery and being put to sleep. We provided encouragement, support and love and surgery day came and he was so brave.

However, every since then he has developed a huge fear of bed time. He is convinced he is going to be unwell and be sick. He cries every single night. We have taken him to the GP to ensure he genuinely isn't unwell, and to also show him that he is fine. We have massively reduced screen time on the lead up to bed time, he reads before sleep and then lights off. He takes rescue remedy drops before sleep, and we also have relaxing music on quietly in the background as he is terrified to be in complete silence. He is in and out of bed crying his eyes out, he apologised and I feel so sad for him because I don't know what else to do to help him. I do not want to start lying with him as it's not for the best in the long run but I also hate the idea of him crying in bed.

Otherwise, he is fit and healthy, he does lots of sports and outdoor activities. I'm just at a loss now of what to do for the best. Any advice welcomed.

That sounds really awful. The website below is for adults but you may be able to pick out some useful advice or techniques.

I’d try looking at the science of sleep and being healthy with him re doing sport in the day when he’s feeling calm.
Get a worry monster. He can write down his fears and the monster “ eats” them. He can then cuddle it too.

Maybe treat it like sleep training where you leave him a little later each night before going in to him.

https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/sleep-insomnia-self-help/

Oh gosh OP I feel for your son as this happened to me after a surgery. The sleep anxiety following it was genuinely worse than the surgery, I developed insomnia and honestly thought I was going to die. As an adult woman, I had to have someone in a room with me every single night and talk to me. My parents had their 30-odd year old child on the floor in their room for weeks. I got better, it’s just an awful memory now but it did take a year or two for the anxiety to subside.

If it was my child I’d just lie next to them until they fell asleep and sleep with them for a few weeks, but that’s not for everyone. Headspace app for sleep and anxiety was really useful and calming for me, I’d play it before sleep and in the night if I woke up.

A général anaesthetic for some people can trigger a proper anxiety or depression episode lasting months, some people need medication for it.

Why wouldn’t you lie in bed or his room to get him through this stage if that will help? You can change that at a later date and he won’t want it still when he’s 18. As adults we want to share a bed for companionship, why is it wrong for scarred children to want company?

Just lie with him for a couple of weeks. He'll feel better soon, then you can stop.

Best wishes to both of you.

I would lie with him for as long as he needed me to.
Just hold him. He's scared. It might take a while but I hope he's feeling better soon.