AIBU to want a break

[user01082312345]

I'm so tired. I just want ONE night a month uninterrupted sleep and to wake up naturally rather than to my DS shaking me awake or crying. I feel so drained and exhausted.

I have a three year old son with DH. I do the majority of parental care (feeding, bathing, whole nighttime routine). He often wakes up during the night to come looking for me, and he wakes early (usually between 5:30 and 6).

DH has tried letting me sleep in, but DS always comes looking for me, and we live in a small three bedroom apartment, so I can't really escape to another floor or room.

He goes to daycare during the week, but I work from home.

I've been dropping hints to DH to let me go stay in a hotel for one night, or if he could take DS to his parents who live just down the road. His parents have babysat DS overnight before, but they're very busy people in their seventies, and I don't think they enjoy babysitting DS, who is a very active toddler. I've tried asking DH to stay overnight with DS at my in-law's, but he refuses.

Weekends are a nightmare. I only get a chance to relax during DS' naps, the rest of the time is spent taking care of his needs. I wake up not wanting to face the day. And I often fantasize about the things I'll do with my life once DS is a grown adult, like booking a solo trip away somewhere peaceful. I love DS to bits, but I seriously miss having my freedom and being able to do whatever I wanted at weekends and during the holidays.

I just want ONE night off, to relax, unwind, have a glass of wine on my sofa and watch tv in peace or read my book, then have a bath and go to bed whenever I want knowing I'll have a full nights sleep and wake up refreshed the next day. Is that too much to ask??

The lack of sleep and never-ending routine of cleaning/household chores/taking care of DS/working from home is taking a toll on my physical and mental health. My family are all abroad and I have no friends here. I'm just so tired!!

A babysitter is out of the question because DS is wary of strangers and I couldn't relax knowing he was probably just crying out for me.

Please just tell me it gets better, and if I'm being unreasonable by wanting one night a month of respite 😫

Why do you need DH to let you go to a hotel, just go to a hotel! Book one! Say I need a treat, I’ve saved up, im going to X spa hotel on this date. I’ll be back at lunchtime the next day!

or go visit a friend without kids for the night

Can your DH not just take your son out to the park early some morning, and then yo soft play or something? It'd be good for them to do something together once a month and your son will start looking forward to it eventually!

If your DH isn't stepping up then take action yourself to get what you need.
Book a night or weekend at a local hotel, turn your phone off and enjoy it.

Why are you dropping hints, not telling DH what you need?

YANBU to need a break.

YANBU to want this.

YABU to not sort it out. Why are you 'hinting' to your DH? Can you not have a grown up conversation with him?!

At three, your son isn't really a toddler anymore. It's quite old to still be having a nap, you may find cutting that improves his sleep. Also, he's old enough to have a gro-clock and be told to stay in his room until 6am/6:30am.

Solve this problem for yourself.

YANBU, but at 3 I just did not allow my DD to go and wake DP up when he was having a sleep in, and vice versa. If your DH cannot set that boundary, I would get a lock on the door for those occasions. He just needs teaching.

My parents live down the road and DH and I have just struck a deal that once a month I’ll go sleep there and have a lie in, and once a month I’ll take DD (3) and DS (1) there so he can have a lie in at home. Why can’t you guys do that?

You are not being unreasonable! It sounds like you are overworked and overwhelmed at the moment. I would book a hotel room and have a conversation with your DH that for your sanity you are going away for 24 hours and will be back and just go. Your child has his father and grandparents, he will be completely fine, spoiled probably and you will feel much better having a reset.

I am the primary care giver during the week and every weekend I have a lie in while my DH gets up early with the kids and usually takes them out for a few hours so I have some me time.your husband needs to pull his weight and realise he is the parent too. Perhaps giving him some time alone with DS will make him realise the job you're doing