Feeding my 1 year old is hell

[Nostalchiq]

Every day I spend fifteen minutes or more preparing three balanced meals a day for baby only for him to just smear the food around on his highchair table, smack it with his hands, throw it on the floor or just squish it through his fingers. I know he doesn't mind the food because if I hand feed it to him he eats it without issue, and I know he can use pinscher grasp because he's done it before many times.

My OCD surrounding messes is going into overdrive and I'm having anxiety attacks over this. I knew to expect messes but I've seen lots of kids his age on YouTube eating by themselves, sometimes even with spoons. Mine just shoves the handle of the spoon in his food. I can handle messes up he's at least benefitting from it but it seems like the majority of the food just ends up being thrown away.

Is he behind in his development? Is it my fault for not encouraging him to eat by himself more?

Please help. 😓 I don't know what to do.

You need to stop.

You will on your anxiety and he will become a picky eater because nobody can eat with that level of stress!! Animals hide their food to eat for this reason.

You know you have to clean up after so just deal with it for now after the even and leave him to make a mess while he explores food.

Give him something to hold, veg stick or something, & in between bites if that just spoon feed him.
I haven’t let any of mine completely feed themselves because they wouldn’t actually end up eating anything.

it’s not weird or unreasonable for you not to like mess nor is it essential that a baby feeds themselves an entire meal.
A little bit of food in his plate/tray is fine and you do the rest.

I never let mine make any mess as I cannot stand to see squished food.

Stop giving them food to hold and smosh.

Spoon feed until they are a bit older and can hold finger food and eat nicely.

I never let them smear food around their faces either.

My idea of a nightmare would be one of those horrendous cake smashing things.

I let mine do whatever he wanted. He only started eating 3 proper meals at 18 months. He eats amazingly now though. I can feed him almost anything and he eats with his cutlery.

Personally what worked here was a variety eg pasta, some purée, some packaged baby crisps from supermarket

I also hate mess and couldn't afford to waste food. Plus, mine was a big boy and needed his food.

So I ignored all the baby led weaning advice and spoon fed. He ate all his meals, got a variety everyday and was never hungry. I didn't waste any food and didn't have the stress of cleaning it up.

Agree that finding easy things for him to eat by himself is a good idea too. Toast, sandwiches, cheese sticks, fruit, veggie sticks, biscuits, baby crisps etc.

Don't worry that yours won't learn to self feed. He's still a baby - he'll be fine! I was spoon fed as a baby and I eat perfectly well by myself now 😊

Just spoon feed until he can eat more tidily. I don't have OCD but I can't stand too much mess and having to try and scrape up ground in food from the carpet. I fed mine purees and soft foods until they were about 18 months and they both eat fine now. They did learn to use a knife and fork.

This is completely normal child behaviour.

You need to seek professional support for your OCD. Is it diagnosed?

This is normal baby behaviour.

It's also okay to not want to do baby led weaning.

I also spoon fed mine. He's now 2 and self feeds with a spoon and/or a fork. From around 1 he did start feeding himself entire meals with a loaded spoon. He's always made some mess (which is expected), but not a totally ridiculous amount. Basically I tried to balance exploring with eating, so that he did a bit of both.

Just spoon feed the messy stuff and give the dry stuff as finger foods. With spoon feeding there really is very little mess, and dry things either make no mess or just leave crumbs which can be swept up easily. It's fine.

I fed / feed both mine this way and my older one (2.5) now eats very nicely with spoon or fork by herself, making very little mess (unless it's rice, rice still leaves the floor looking like a disaster area).

When I can’t be bothered to have a big clear up I give my son finger foods like toast strips, cucumber sticks, chopped grapes etc that don’t make a lot of mess.

My (14 months) son dislikes being spoon fed but if he’s hungry before bed and he’s having cereal for example, I will give him a preloaded spoon. Although I guess that wouldn’t work though if your little one prefers to turn the spoon around and play with the food.

Do you think he’s hungry enough coming to the table? I know they are all different but I notice my son starts neat because he just wants the food in his belly. When he starts playing with it, I know that normally means he’s not so hungry anymore.

Your anxiety sounds very out of control. It’s normal for babies to play with textures and that is what baby led weaning is all about.

Agree with PPs that you need to seek help for your overly controlling behaviours the are stemming from your (diagnosed?) OCD.

Spoon feed the messy stuff (he will still grab and fling the spoon though, you can’t control everything) and let him feed himself toast/ fruit (will still make a bit of a mess with this though.

Would it help you to try and focus on the recipes/nutrition content of the food you’re making for him (surprised it only takes you 15 mins to make 3 full meals?) to distract yourself from the messy aspects?

Get him two full puddle suits to eat in (wear one wash one), a high chair with a large tray, a plastic sheet/wipe clean table cloth for the floor and an apron or wipe clean coat (eg raincoat) for you, if those would help you feel calmer.

Is your ODC diagnosed and medicated? I agree with previous posters that you may end up with a fussy eater if he becomes aware of your thinking processes around food and mess.

I actually think that solely doing BLW is so crap.

I hate mess like that, and I hate how it sort of encourages them to waste and throw food.

And most importantly I was really big on making sure DC were eating nutritional food and enough of it.

On that basis we always did a spoon fed course first to make sure that nutrition and calorie intake were covered, and then a self-fed course that wasn't something very messy and some fruit.

Worked for us!

As it's summer I would put the highchair in the garden and him naked. Highchair gets a hose down, baby gets a shower.