Feeling so lonely?

[raychelxx]

I have an 18mo son, due another baby next February

i have a tiny family. Mother father and sister

no cousins or kids on my side

DH has a large family but we don’t mix much! DH’s brother has 2 kids but they live a bit away so my son doesn’t see them

We are very lucky we can afford nursery and work full time so our son goes 4 days a week (I mean we can only have 1 day childcare from my mum we don’t get help elsewhere, but lucky we can send him for 4) so he has child interaction there

i just have mixed feelings as I 1) feel lonely since becoming a mum. Like I say no young kids or kids in our family so I have no mums to mix with or family members to socialise my son with which I stupidly feel guilty about as if it’s my fault that my family doesnt have kids in it haha! And is small
2) we can’t go to many events. I have my immediate family then like family friends who we class as family. They usually do evening parties/dinner parties/drinks which aren’t ideal when you’ve got young kids who get crabby around bed time and want to go to bed. As of next year we just won’t be able to go to any due to having 2 young kids in a routine

3. me and DH don’t get many date nights which is normal. We only have my 3 family members to help (DHs side are alive and well they just don’t help) but as my mum has DS (very active DS haha) on a Fridayso we can work she wiped so I don’t really want to ask her can she have him overnight or of an evening on a weekend so we can have a date. She is fab though and has done it the past months as we had 2 friends weddings where it was a late night obviously so she had him them I’m grateful :)

I do feel my mum as much as I love her is quite judgmental so sometimes I don’t enjoy her presence fully. I always longed to be part of a big family growing up, it was bigger but grandparents passed and people grew apart and moved away so now it’s just small.

Just wanted to vent it here feeling a bit low atm but I remember this stage in my last pregnancy I don’t know what it is about bridging to 2nd trimester (I’m very close to it) I must get a hormone surge cos I got so low last time. I didn’t feel as lonely

OP where’s your tribe? Your antenatal group? Friends? NCT buddies? Our family live a long way away and without my friends and workmates I’d be stuffed. We meet up, chat, swap horror stories, support one another and watch each others kids. Without these women (and men!) my life with young kids especially would’ve been so lonely.

People in the same situation who’ll happily meet for lunch in a child friendly place and not judge you for being late/your child for struggling etc are essential. You need to build your village to support your mental health and growth as a family. I’d focus on that if possible?

@goodenoughmum88 I don’t really have any. I got a new job with better pay just before mat leave - so right decision for our family but it’s remote and we’ve all met like a few times. Everyone keeps to themsleves!

I would love to build a village or tribe and meet some babies close in age to mine so that they have little friends but I don’t know how to start.

I do have 2 close friends but they aren’t parents and they’re great friends and people but as they don’t have kids don’t really know what to do erc

It can be really lonely and I can relate to that. If you're on social media platforms like Facebook, you can search for groups in your local area that are for mums and do meet ups, or ask on a local FB group as there will be lots also wanting to socialise if not one already setup.

Pregnancy hormones are real but you're not alone in this. Great DS interacts at nursery, you shouldn't have any worries there.

As for date nights etc, although you're probably shattered, could you make a night of the week for you two and have a nice dinner or do something just for you both?

It sounds really tough. Can you start a pre natal class of any form? Yoga or whatever you’re in to that could result in some friendships? Can you attend some free antenatal classes if money is tight? Again it’s a way to meet other people with similar age children and support one another.

I get that working full time means the usual baby/toddler groups are out, and sometimes it’s hard to meet people at those anyway….

Check out the app Peanut, it's like tinder but for mum friends. I've only recently heard of it, now just building the courage to put myself out there