Feeling isolated during maternity

[tillysgirl]

I feel so sad today. I can't drive and I'm stuck in the house, the same as every day. No energy to do the one thing I can, which is go for a walk. I resent that that's all I can do, and I feel so tired I can't find the energy to do it. I feel so lonely. I see everyone on social media enjoying their maternity and going to day trips and meet ups, and I can't do any of that. I just sit in this house, feeling more and more isolated every day speaking to no one else from 8-7pm every day. Resenting my husband because he gets to go outside and speak with people and go for lunch and be normal while I feel so trapped

I feel like I am ruining the first year of his life because we can't go anywhere. I hate it and I know it is my own fault but learning to drive feels so overwhelming now. I can barely keep on top of everything that needs done in the house whilst taking care of him, how can I learn to drive. I have no energy by the end of the day I just want to curl up in bed

I hate myself for getting in this position and I just can't shake feeling like such a useless mum because of it. I hate feeling like this

First you're not a useless mum. Could you take public transport somewhere? Or do you know another mum who could pick you up? Can you look at driving lessons over the weekend whilst DH is not working. My instinct wonders if you might have post natal depression, maybe worth speaking to GP

Firstly stop the social media - people only put the good stuff. Everyone on maternity leave has bad days also. I can drive but don’t much - don’t really like it and I prefer to walk as it’s relaxing. Do you have a baby carrier? I find it so much easier to use that and go for a short walk. Maternity leave isn’t about going to lots of fancy places, baby won’t remember them. There are some apps where you can meet local mums also, perhaps someone is within walking distance. Like PP, it would be worth visiting the GP about how you are feeling.

Hi @tillysgirl i totally hear you, i feel like my maternity is just passing by. Honestly i have hardly done any days out or seeing friends or family. My baby is getting time with me and that's the most amazing thing, just me and baby spending quality time. You're not a useless Mum at all, pls don't think that. Xx

You don't need to be on top of the housework so if you're finding it too much get your dh to do more. Are you rural? If not, check out local church halls you might be able to walk to - they might have playgroups etc.

Agree with speaking to gp

Thanks all for replying.

I am not quite sure why today it all feels like a bit too much, i suppose it has been building up. I just feel so useless, not being able to take him to classes. Surely he's as sick of these 4 walls as I am.

Then the more it gets to me, the more tired I feel. Then the more tired I am the less I do. It feels so relentless

Will speak to GP, as recommended. I suppose I feel like that doesn't solve the problem with not being able to drive, but I suppose it could help my mindset

Thank you for this. I know I'm lucky to spend time with him, and he is amazing. I just feel a bit claustrophobic sometimes

Hi @tillysgirl - I think I'm going to be in your situation in a few weeks. DD is due early August and I had to surrender my driving licence due to an eye condition (I don't meet the visual standard for driving anymore). I'm so worried about only being able to go for walks and being limited to going places with public transport, which again is quite limited as we're rural.

Our first DD was a lockdown baby so apart from that hour a day - of going for a walk! - there was very limited social interaction and entertainment. I hated it and felt so, so isolated. I have a horrible feeling it's going to be like that again. I just remember long lonely walks with DD in a sling, listening to audiobooks, feeling like I was letting her down and wasting precious maternity leave.

Sorry to hear that about your drivers license, as someone who hasn't had one and is finding it tough, I imagine having it and then having to adjust to no longer having it is very difficult.

That's exactly how I feel, like I am just letting him down everyday.

I get so scared that I will go back to work in a couple of months and have just wasted 9 months doing nothing and it is all my fault. Not really sure the point of the post anymore other than me just feeling sorry for myself - it is just one of those days I guess

Can you get out for a walk with the baby in a buggy or pram? I made myself do a four mile walk every single day when I had my DS ... took just over an hour but the fresh air was good for us and I would nearly always meet someone to chat to .. sometimes that led to an invitation to go for coffee or look at someone's garden ... just low key social interaction which was good for me. I also volunteered to deliver a couple of local newsletters so that forced me to go out.

You are not letting your baby down. He will be just as happy with you at home as going to classes or fancy days out. Maternity leave is for creating a strong bond with your baby and most of the classes and stuff are more for your benefit than the babies.

It does sound like you would benefit from getting out and about a bit more and finding some other Mums to chat to even if it’s just small talk. Is there really nothing within walking distance or accessible by public transport? You could ask in local Facebook groups if there are any local baby groups or classes. Most of them don’t seem well advertised. Is there a local library? They usually have nursery rhymes or story telling a few times a week. Or baby swimming at a local pool? Try to find something to do a few times a week and get out for a walk on the other days and it will feel less isolating.