What should a 3 year old 'do'?

[JoeyRamoney]

Just off the back of a thread where an almost 3 year old applied their own sunscreen, it got me worrying that my just turned 3 year old perhaps isn't where she should be with respect to independence.

She can take her own coat off but she cannot put it on herself, or get dressed. She can brush her own teeth but if i handed her sunscreen she would not have any interest in rubbing it in.

What other milestones should I be keeping a general eye on or working towards?

I call bullshit on the nearly 3 year old applying their own suncream!

My just 7 year old has just started doing her own. Notwithstanding you need to make sure the child doesnt miss bits there is no way a child of 3 can do suncream.

Ha no way would my 3 year old out sunscreen on properly. He doesn't dress himself yet either. I think that might be part laziness but we do try.

I think this is a bit of a how long is a piece of string question and I'm sure you'll get a range of different answers so I can only tell you what my 3 year old 'does' for reference.

She can mostly dress herself (sometimes puts her leggings on backwards or shoes on the wrong feet) but could put pants/leggings/top on herself. She can put wellies on and off and anything with velcro straps. She can also remove her coat/gloves/hat.

She can use her step to get to the sink, turn the tap on a get a cup of water. The same for washing her hands but needs help pumping the soap. She can wipe after a wee but needs me to 'check her bottom' if she's done a poo. She can apply moisturiser/sun cream if I squeeze it in to her hand.

Does your daughter go to nursery/pre-school? I only ask as I know they're quite keen on encouraging independence and self-care.

Otherwise, just let her have a go! Sometimes when you're in a rush it's a bit maddening to let them do it themselves and it's quicker to do it yourself but it's good for them to learn in the long run!

Suncream is way too important to let a 3 year do it! And who cld wait for them either! It's a tedious job when you do it a 'mum speed', couldn't imagine the agony of watching a 3 year old do it. (My DC were waaaay older when they started doing theirs).

That's the trouble with social media, it makes you worry unnecessarily. I would bet that your 3 year old is doing just fine. Don't compare them to random info you see on here. If they are happy and healthy and don't seem miles behind their peers, that's all that matters.

My 3yo is really keen on doing her own sun cream, but there's no way I'd leave it just to her as she'd miss loads. I get her to do my arm to keep her occupied while I do hers.

Other stuff... She can dress herself but needs help with tights and sometimes coats (finding the other sleeve). She can brush her hair and teeth. She can feed herself, wash her hands and face, wipe after toilet. She can pack her bag, zip it and put it on.

She can do all these things. Whether she will or not on any given day... 😆

Mine would probably have a go at rubbing in cream on his arms or legs, but only if he was interested & it wouldn’t be very well applied…

Things he does regularly:

• takes own clothes off, inc shoes
• puts shoes on
• takes plate/cup/etc to sink
• washes hands (but this is also the direct source of tantrums about 50 per cent of the time and I have no idea why)
• tidies up toys (sometimes)

things he doesn’t do

• wipe his bottom
• put clothes on, except jacket/coat type things. Always gets stuck in t shirts and will not even try to do trousers.
• eat consistently with a fork or spoon - he puts it down half way through and starts using his hand. I HATE this.

My just turned 4 year old doesn’t put on their own sun cream. They can get undressed but not dressed. They can scribble with a crayon or pen, and keep things roughly within the lines when colouring, but nothing neat or identifiable. I am still a featureless blob in drawings of ‘my family’. She’s just learned to peel stickers from their backing paper. I clean her teeth. Nursery say she’s absolutely fine and on target for everything. HTh

My 3 (nearly 4) DD will rub in the suncream from a spray I put on and can apply roll on herself. I let her have a go at arms and legs and I do the fiddly bits. Certainly wouldn’t leave her unattended to sort it herself. She can dress and undress but sometimes gets stuck taking off tshirts with long sleeves or puts things on backwards etc.

Nursery taught them an easy way for coats that involves lying it in the floor and putting arms in then over your head. I take no credit for that. I still have to help with shoes sometimes as she gets left and right wrong.

I do teeth but let her do some herself so
she knows how in theory but it’s too important to risk. I also still wipe for poos but am encouraging her to try that herself now in prep for school Sept 24.

I have no idea how that benchmarks. But it feels appropriate to me.

My DD (just turned 4) is exactly the same, including the neat little nursery trick for putting coats on. When she was first shown that, probably 18 months ago, she loved showing everyone!

My just turned 4yo DS is exactly the same. Had his school induction last week and this is where they should be by the time they start school. You have nothing to worry about.

You’re supposed to brush their teeth until they are 7. Dd2 has just turned 4 and I would allow her to add more suncream after I have already done it but I won’t allow her to put her own cream on.

As I said she has just turned 4 and does all of these, sometimes encouragement and direction is needed,

• put on own coat and shoes, take them off and put them away
• tidy
• put away her own washing in the dirty washing basket and put away folded clothes
• set the table
• put plates/cups next to the dishwasher when finished
• dress herself (needs help with socks)
• put water bottle in her bag for nursery

OP is your 4 year old starting school in September? You can google for starting school skills and loads of websites will come up.

@AlltheFs if you cut a large sticker in half and put half in their shoes, circles are fine, they can matches the stickers together to make sure they put their shoes on the correct feet.

I wouldn’t let a three year old clean their own teeth, they can have a toothbrush and hold it and put it in their mouth but really thorough teeth cleaning needs an adult.

Well yes you go over it for them afterwards.

Yes I wouldn’t allow my 2.5 year old (or frankly my 5yo!) to do their own teeth or apply suncream - it needs to be done by an adult to ensure it’s done properly.

But I do encourage her to dress herself, and wash her own hands and am encouraging her to climb up to the toilet by herself (is lifted on atm) and wipe. We’re also working on tidying up after herself.

Thanks all! As suspected, some variation which is normal.

Just to put minds at ease - I meant DD brushes her teeth and then I go in and brush them too, the same as I imagine the poster on the other thread makes sure the sunscreen is applied correctly!

And yes I am def guilty of social media comparison - there is a parenting account where her child pretty much makes their own dinner, can write, read, dressed themselves all before 2 - way way at the other end of the spectrum of expected independence.

I am also guilty of being a full time working parent and sometimes its just easier to do things for DD for speed but I think I might slowly start introducing one small task at a time e.g taking plate to the kitchen side or putting shoes away.

My (once) 3 year old would have made a (poor) effort of rubbing it in.
As for other things, she could certainly put a coat on (although not zip up) at that age and get dressed (nothing too tricky mind, so buttons would be undone or incorrect). She’d clear up toys, ate very independently, could take herself off for a wee or poo but not wipe her bottom. Could wash hands, could feed the cat his dry food, could help with some little jobs like sorting laundry etc.

My 3yo (nearly 4) will rub suncream on her arms/legs, but I go over the top because she will have missed bits, likewise with teeth, she has a go but I wouldn't leave it just to her.

She can put shoes on. coat on but leaves it unzipped unless prompted. Can take all her clothes off, putting them on is hit and miss, if asked she probably won't but she's definitely gone off to play and reappeared in a party dress, so I think it's inclination not ability.

She can toilet independently, but I often have to send her back if she's fogotten to flush, wash hands or put her pants back on.

She can spread peanut butter on bread and fold it into a sandwich & find a yogurt and spoon from the fridge & draw, so theoretically she could make her own simple lunch.

Can I ask a stupid question? How does she reach the fridge?

I'm not that poster but mine can too - we have a side by side fridge freezer where the "handle" is just a groove that runs all the way down, if that makes sense?

At thats handy! I dont know if I want her climbing up to access the fridge yet anyway....!

Haha yes I have barricaded it a few times!

We have an under counter fridge, though she will pull a step over to where the fruit bowl lives, so can get stuff from higher up if she wants to.

I have a 13 year old who has a ridiculously high IQ (proven via exams/scholarship awards) and he’s only now applying his own sunscreen (mostly because he wouldn’t do it unless I did it). Don’t worry, they all get there. Oh, but I do remember my mum asking if he was doing x or y, when he was a pre verbal baby. I was seriously worried he was delayed in some way (since he didn’t/Wasn’t). I even went to the doctor to look into it.

I have a nearly 3 year old (3 in September) who applies her own sunscreen with a roll on. I go over it afterwards (which causes screaming because “I already did it!”)

She can:

• undress
• dress in simple clothes (she can’t do socks or anything with fastenings)
• put on and take off her coat
• take on and off Velcro shoes
• brush her teeth (like others I go over it afterwards but again this causes screaming)
• make her bed
• count to 20 (though this is really just reciting, actual counting items she can get to about 5)
• wash her hands (but not turn off the tap)
• eat her food with a fork or spoon

She can’t:

• get on or off the loo by herself
• reliably wipe her bum
• brush her hair properly
• use a knife and fork to cut anything that’s not very soft
• colour anywhere approaching within the lines
• read anything (she memorises bits of favourite books but doesn’t recognise words)
• do up or undo the buggy straps (which is a nightmare because she absolutely insists she can and shrieks if anyone tries to do it for her)

I'd concentrate on the stuff she needs for school. So;

• putting her own coat on/off and work towards being able to do a zip.

• put own shoes on (and work towards socks).

• dress herself in easy clothes (leggings or skirt, t-shirt etc.)

• toilet independently (bottoms down, go, wipe, bottoms up, flush, wash hands).

• feed herself reliably without too much mess.

• open her water bottle/lunch box/snack pot/packet.

• listen and follow instructions

• make some attempt at solving problems independently e.g. if something is out of reach will she go and get a step

Stuff like applying suncream is not really necessary at that age so I wouldn't worry about that!