Has anyone tried the methods from Hunt Gather Parent?

[Jean24601Valjean]

Just finished reading this and I (mostly) absolutely loved it. I've started to gradually incorporate some of the things the book talks about (e.g. being more patient with the child wanting to help and allowing them to contribute when they want to, waiting a few minutes after a request rather than repeated badgering....) but there are a few that I'm a bit anxious about trying and wondered if anyone else has given them a go. If so I'd be interested to know what your experience was.

In particular:

• The role playing (I think she calls them 'dramas') where you switch roles and, for example, get the child to hit you then respond by showing that it hurt. This just feels a bit weird to me... I can imagine DS1 (nearly 3) just finding it funny and wanting to do it more. Has anyone found it working well for their child?
• Telling stories about monsters etc. I actually did try this with DS1 to get him to co-operate with teeth brushing. The first couple of nights he was interested to begin with but then just ignored it. I increased the spook-factor on night 3 and he was absolutely terrified. Inconsolable for several minutes. Talking about it for days afterwards. I'm wary of trying it again! But maybe my technique could be improved so I'm keen to hear if anyone has tried it with success.
• The bedtime approach! The author's experience sounds absolutely magical but I can't help wondering if her child was an exception rather than the rule!
• Reducing the number of kid-focussed activities. To be honest I just struggle to think how we would fill the time if we didn't do kid-focussed activities. I have them at home on Fridays so over the 3-day weekend we tend to go to a playground at least once, to the city farm, maybe soft play. I'd say at least 50% of the time we are doing something kid-focussed. Does anyone have examples of what you do with yours that isn't kid-focussed?? DS1 is nearly 3 and DS2 is 14m. This feels a bit out of reach. But on the other hand I'm not trying to follow the book super religiously, just taking inspiration from it. So maybe 50% is ok.

If you've got any experience with any of the approaches other than those I've mentioned I'd also be interested to hear how it's gone.

Thank you!

I haven't read that book but in terms of the non kid focussed activities, DD is 4 and a half and over the last few years she just loves getting involved with jobs. Sorting laundry is a favourite - pairing up socks keeps her quiet while I do the rest! She loves to help in the garden (I hate this one but she helps DH and her grandparents). She also loves to help to cook. I started off getting her to chop something soft like a mushroom while I chopped the rest, now she'll peel carrots and potatoes and chop some veg. She even just loves to pass me things as I'm going along. Even shopping - she's a pain now because she wants to push the trolley but when she was smaller she was happy just popping things in the trolley. Only short trips/top up shops though. We also often eat out at a cafe or something over a weekend.

@SquigglePigs That's helpful, thank you! DS1 does love to do grocery shopping too, actually! And yes he also has to have the trolley (although we just use one of those large baskets on wheels, which is not so much of a liability as an actual trolley...). I guess where I struggle is whether I could actually fill a whole day with this stuff. If I was purely doing adult stuff all day then it would definitely involve quite a lot of screen-time (depressingly mostly admin rather than entertainment). I think beyond that I've forgotten what adult activities are! But I do also love to cook and haven't put so much time into this since having kids so maybe I can look to start his food prep training 😄

It has been a while since I read the book but I do remember most of it.

I haven’t used monster stories as such but have playfully ‘checked for bugs’ with the toothbrush which has worked well.

I tried the bedtime stuff as soon as I finished the book (in fact I think I skipped ahead to that bit before finishing the book!) not sure I remember it 100% but we don’t worry about bedtime too much, we try share when we are feeling tired and need some sleep and 2yo now does tell us he is feeling sleepy either at bedtime or nap time. Bedtime is usually around 8pm but can be up to 11pm if we are out, or if we’ve been out in the day and he has napped late. We don’t do bedtime battles, if he isn’t tired yet, we don’t push it. He is usually asleep with 5-10mins. Beforehand I would push for 7pm and bedtime would take 1-2hours.

I do still do lots of child-focussed activities but we do adult-focussed activities too. This morning for instance we have done food shop and been for brunch with my friends, 2yo had a great time.

He joins in with all household activities, asks to hoover/dust regularly, cooks with me every evening, takes the bins out with DH every day.

I really liked the book and took lots of parenting tips from it.

@Pastaf0rbreakfast That's really interesting, thank you! With bedtime, does your little one have a bath? Bath has always been part of our our bedtime routine but I feel like if he is going to be responding to his tiredness then we'd want to encourage him to go pretty much straight to bed rather than faff around having a bath!

Thinking about the household activities more, I think one of my stumbling blocks is that I don't know what I'd do with DS2. He's only 14m so really only good for observing rather than actually doing things but the idea of managing both of them in the kitchen or with piles of laundry gets me in a cold sweat!

I agree it doesn't fill a whole day. But it's nice to mix it up around kid-based activities.

If we aren't visiting/being visited by friends or family a typical Saturday might go

• chill out time for a couple of hours in the morning (inc. bit of TV or tablet because I'm not getting upset about that at 7am on a Saturday! but also games/books etc.), then head in the direction of a Farmers Market and stop for brunch somewhere, then a trip to the park on the way home (or soft play if it's wet), have a cuppa when we get home then maybe a bit of time in the garden or odd jobs round the house that she helps with, a bit of play time, then help prep dinner, a bath while it cooks (or earlier in the afternoon - we've never done bath a bedtime).

The second weekend day likely involves a trip out somewhere or a meet up with friends.

We definitely go through phases where helping with cooking is good and fun, then sometimes not so much!!

@Jean24601Valjean
Have you come across The Continuum Concept, by Jean Leidloff? Much of what you're talking about sounds very similar. One of the main ideas is children working alongside their parents- as they might do in more traditional societies. Doing real work with real tools rather than pretending with toys. You might be interested in looking in to her work. I assume there's plenty online.

@Jean24601Valjean yes he has a bath most days (sometimes more than once as he loves it!) but in the evening, we tend to do bath immediately after dinner and then sometimes we’ll start getting ready for bed straight away, or we’ll play for a bit, or go for a walk. We’ve been doing this for a while now so by the time we get to dinner I can pretty much predict whether he’ll want bed straight away or want to stay up
a bit, depends on what he does in the day.

With household stuff, at 14 months my DS could push a mop around a little before I took over, hang a few socks (then tip the basket over and play with the wet laundry 🙈), cut up some mushrooms using a wooden toddler knife, transfer things to a bowl/pan. If you show them what to do they pick it up really quick. At that age I think all cooking was at a low table he could stand at, whereas now he has a stool
that he brings to the counter when he wants to help. Maybe get your older one involved in showing the little one how to do household tasks?

@CurlewKate thank you I will look it up!

@Pastaf0rbreakfast that's interesting re the bath routine. I can see how that might work with DS1.

Now I reflect on the kitchen question, I agree that I don't think DS2's abilities are the barrier - it's more my ability (or lack of) to keep a handle on both of them in the kitchen at the same time 😂

@SquigglePigs thank you! It's really helpful to get some ideas of how other people structure their days

Would love an update on these methods 2 years later.

My DC are slightly older than yours would be now. I read the book a while ago and loved the portrayed results. I have been trying to implement as much autonomy, critical thinking, independence, a team mindset etc, and being more 'you do you' about how they choose to spend their time. However i'm sincerely struggling with how they seem incapable of following a routine even though it's been set in stone for 90% of their life. For example in the morning we get up, brush teeth, get dressed, have breakfast. Every day. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Or for example after you use the loo you flush and wash hands. It's not something negotiable, it's just... life. Happening in the majority of houses across the globe. That story where the family got up and out the door in a harmonious 30 minutes is my DREAM. Or the moment the little one recognises she's tired and just takes herself off to sleep...mindblowing. I feel like I've tried everything I can possibly think of, making a lot of allowances for the fact my children are smaller than the ones in the story and this is building foundations rather than expecting quick or perfect results, but I honestly don't think there has been any progress whatsoever. Eventually I was hoping they would also add taking responsibility for making their own bed, putting their own lunch in their bag etc but after years of not even getting dressed without intervention I have little hope. Driving me to distraction.