Alternative settling in plans for nursery ?

[LastOneonthetrain]

Our schedule for dd settling in is meant to be for the first week where she will do 2 hours a day and parents can stay if they want and then the second week 2.5 hours a day and parents can’t stay then the third week the full 3 hours each day (Mon - Fri)

We think this is too much and have requested for her to just do 2 hours each day for 4 weeks and to increase when she is ready and for one of us to be able to stay if she needs us past the first week. She has ASD.
The nursery have said they will have to get back to us and they aren’t sure they can accommodate our request .

Has anyone done similar?

How old is she? Is this starting at 3?

I have a dd with asd and I honestly need to say to you, your are overthinking it, just follow the schedule given, you will find she will adapt quicker if you give her space

Personally I think prolonging the transition can make things a lot harder for a lot of children especially those with autism and similar.

often getting into the new routine is what helps them settle.

i would be more likely to ask to skip the first week and all those extra adults in the room will likely make things chaotic!

Honestly dragging the transition out is far worse in the long run.

Dd had a week of settling in (she was 15 months) I stayed the first 2 days, then by Friday she was doing half days.

They settle SO much better without you there. Yes they may cry, but 2 mins after you’ve left they are fine.

Is her ASD severe? Has she spent time away from you before?

My experience was that having the parents around made the transition harder for all the children.... more people is more noise and more overwhelming.

I don't think there is that much difference between 2 hours and 3 hours, so I'm not sure that extending the 2 hour step is likely to be helpful. I would go with their schedule as a starting point, but address points as they come up. For example, DS1 used to really struggle with the welcome song at nursery, so I used to stay while they sang that. Then after a couple of weeks, he had warmed to one teacher and they let him get a chair and sit with her for the song (most children sat on the carpet) and I was able to leave before. Then in time, he and the teacher moved closer and closer to the circle.

I'd be guided by nursery on this. I know you have additional stress in that she has ASD, but most nurseries don't do drawn-out settling in sessions because they are disruptive for both the child settling in and the nursery itself. I can't imagine having parents in our little nursery for weeks at a time, it would really intefere with the kids' 'nursery life', and I don't think children really settle into the nursery dynamic properly with a parent there. I appreciate your anxiety but I would almost go the other way and go for as short a lead-in as possible, because you're only doing three hours a day and the difficult part is not being at nursery, but the transitions, which will be the same regardless.

My 1yo has just started and we did two two-hour sessions and then into full days and zero problems, which is what my elder daughter did too.

(And the two-hour settling sessions didn't have parents there)

Ok I will see what they say when they get back to me and go from there. I’m just anxious as she’s my first

I have 3 dc (2 with asd). The two with asd actually find settling in sessions harder because when you increase the time spent there hhey felt they were forgotten, or couldn't understand why I wasn't there any more. I actually have found that my two react better to start how you mean to go on. All dc are different obviously but mine react well to routine and when this keeps changing it disrupts them. Mine are teenagers now but it still uses them now. Dc1 had an extended transition to secondary and really struggled, dc2 had no transition (because of covid) and it felt so much simpler. I think don't over think. I usually go along with the nursery/school and then request to adapt if required.

Easier said than done but try not to let your anxiety make the transition harder for her

I’m so anxious . I was going to wait till 3 but she is eligible for the free hours for 2 year olds so we decided to try to see if it helps her but I’m honestly worrying now in case she just gets upset. I never used to suffer with anxiety

Kids can get upset, it won’t harm her in anyway.

Dd used to cry a lot at drop off, 2 mins later was having the time of her life. Nursery is so good for them, the social aspect and it’s great fun. Preps them well for school. She will be absolutely fine, honestly.

Have you spoken to your dr about your anxiety?

My GP is unhelpful , was awful when we needed referrals for dd. Wouldn’t do anything. Then when we went privately he was dismissive. We are trying to switch to a different gp but not in their catchment so had to write to the practice manager 🤞