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Ok so I'm trying to convince Dh to have a fourth child.....erm.......

25 replies

sorkycake · 25/02/2008 16:45

God it's proving hard. Ithink he might be shifting because at first he stonewalled the idea, now he is considering it (course he could always say no eventually ).
I think I could do with some help. I reeeealllly want to have a fourth child and have stated that when we discussed having children years ago I wanted 4 and was very clear about this, he looked quite shocked then but said well we'll see how we manage.
I have 3 the youngest being 12 mo and I'm really broody to do it one last time. I love the idea of four running round, have no qualms with HE'ing 4. I have more love to give and bizarrely feel as if there a little one waiting somewhere (I know that sounds a bit weird). We are looking at getting a larger car anyway so this won't be a problem. We have a 3 bed house which would fit one little one, or he has admitted we could extend the house to create 2 more bedrooms.
We won't lose any income or cost anymore as things will stay the same financially.
I think he is concerned about me being pg again (even though all pg have been completely healthy, he just worries bout me and baby) and about the fact that we are 34 this year, he feels he will be getting too old.
As far as I can see these are his main concerns.
What else can I say positively about no.4? I have all these reasons why it's such a good idea but when it comes to discussing them all I can come up with is a real need to have a fourth child and I'm as articulate as a slack-jawed yokel at this point in our conversation.
Did you have to convince your Dh at all, what was the clincher? How can I get round the neeeeed argument because I don't think men get the biological neeeed argument lol

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PortAndLemon · 25/02/2008 16:48

Well, don't mention the increasing odds of twins the older you get (DH's boss was eventually convinced by his DW to have a fourth child, which turned out to be twins and hence a fourth and fifth child...)

Umm... potentially, if you have three, there will always be a two-against-one scenario no matter which way they team up, whereas you won't get that with four?

sorkycake · 25/02/2008 16:53

Yes the fact that the older two are inseparable and that the LO needs a wee playmate is one of my points as well. I don't think I'd have twins though......what kind of odds are they?
Also we have a space left at our dinner table and it looks odd (I realise it's a silly reason, but all these things make sense when you're rather desperate :D)

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hatrick · 25/02/2008 16:54

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sorkycake · 25/02/2008 16:58

Oh Congratulations! Will you name change then ?
Oh how lovely!! He did say last night that he acknowledged if we were to have another baby it would have to be quick because he didn't want to be any older, so maybe there's a bit of hope. AND he has said that he realises my neeeed is very much likely to be stronger than his desire to stick with 3.
Oh and he doesn't want to go for the snip, which is his only option if we stick with 3. I will be sterilised after the fourth.

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Fennel · 25/02/2008 17:01

Lol at the space left at the dinner table. We have a space there too, but I view it as just right for when we have a visitor.

i have 3 and have no urge for a 4th, the space looks good to me.

sorkycake · 25/02/2008 17:14

When we cuddle the kids there's one spare arm.

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MrsPuddleduck · 25/02/2008 17:16

Re the age thing - you are still going to want another baby in 2 years time - he will be 36 then!

Just say you really want to have another - its just a feeling you have which is never going to go away and if you don't at least try you know you will always look back with sadness and regret it (emotional blackmail works well).

BTW - is three a bad number - I am thinking of No 3 - are two going to side against the other?!!?!

Will I eventually want four?

sorkycake · 25/02/2008 17:22

Yes 3 will inevitably lead to 4 I reckon. Everyone I know who has 3 says it feels odd and they think 4 is the only answer. I have pointed out to Dh that I don't want to have any regrets in the future, and he has acknowledged this. I know if we have another then we won't regret it at all, how could we? I think it's the active deciding that he's having trouble with.
Strangely enough if we were pg with an accident he would be pleased, I think it's the decision that's the sticking point if that makes sense.

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Fennel · 25/02/2008 20:54

3 is just right. When you walk in a row (or sit in bed in a row) then there's a natural line up child adult child adult child.

I don't have one left out among my 3, I thought dd2 might be as the other two are really close in age but in fact she's everyone's favourite.

Not trying to put anyone off 4, it sounds a lovely number, but 3 is fine for us.

Ecmo · 25/02/2008 20:58

took me a year to convince my dh to have a forth and then a year to conceive. As a result have 4 year gap between 3rd and 4th dc. But I love having 4 its a nice round number (although you'll need a bigger car!)

ArrietyClock · 25/02/2008 21:04

Have to confess to be slightly bemused at the age arguement. He must think a fair number of people on here (me included) are archaic and well past being parents!

bubblepop · 25/02/2008 21:14

tell him 3 is an odd mumber ad that you don't do odd numbers!

PotPourri · 25/02/2008 21:27

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PotPourri · 25/02/2008 21:28

Do you hve girls or boys? You could always pull out that old chestnut of 'trying for a boy/girl'...

sorkycake · 25/02/2008 21:34

Pmsl at I don't do odd numbers, yes I think I'll try that!

Have Dd and then 2 DS, not bothered what we ad next really though after 2 boys I suppose a girl would be a change Yes all learning together does sound good doesn't it, lots of kids to play educational games, yes, yes I'll use that too. Thanks so much ladies, that's been really useful.

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oldnewmummy · 26/02/2008 05:45

Don't want to be downer, but I'd say only do this if he really wants one.

My best friend always wanted 6 kids and her husband 2. They "compromised" at 4, but he was happy to stick at 3. She got pregnant, 2 days after birth of no 4 he told her he was leaving, and she's now a single parent of 4. Not easy!

Don't let age stop you though. I'm 42 and will be at least 43 before we have no 2. DH will be 46. It's all in the mind ....

sorkycake · 26/02/2008 11:29

Goodness that's terrible!
I know there will be no accidents here, I would never do that to us. We have discussed what happens if we stick with 3 and basically he has to get the snip whether he wants to or not. I've had nearly 20 years or taking responsibility for contraception and I'm handing over the baton.

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theboob · 26/02/2008 11:34

i am in the same boat,we have 3dc an the youngest is 12 months ,my dh really ment no until the other night he said we never know what will happen,i have saved everything and would really like another one in few years time,i am studying at the moment and would wait till i qualify(i'm 26) he thinks 4 is to many,
cant imagine never being pg again so know exactly how you feel sorkycake

sorkycake · 26/02/2008 11:41

See when you get to 3, how the heck can 4 be too many, you're already outnumbered on a good day, outwitted on a bad. I've kept everything as well it's all vacuum bagged in the loft on age ranges lol. (oh and according to boy/girl). I have suggested we just get rid of them but he doesn't want to, just in case. I think he'll come round.
Last night I was thinking what I might like for my birthday and he asked me for ideas, I grinned at him and said a baby please, he said "hmm, we'll see, that's quite hard to gift wrap".
So at least he retains a sense of humour whilst being pecked.

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theboob · 26/02/2008 11:46

i know and i do all childcare, feeds, nappychanges and keep house so really what would be the difference,it took me 2 years to convince him of num 3,and he made me promise that would be it
he did say "you will never stop wanting kids "which i think may be true,that is why i am going to become a midwife

RedJools · 26/02/2008 11:52

I have 3. Always said I wanted 4, but don't do pregnancy really well, and had a complete feeling when ds was born. I already feel guilty making sure they all get quality time with me etc, so I decided 4 wasn't going to happen, and dh (who always said 3!) is going for the snip! Feel a bit sad about no more babies, but am decided to get a kitten when I start feeling broody again!

sorkycake · 26/02/2008 11:56

Ah see he knows 4 will be it, I have never wanted more than 4. I don't really look forward to another pg and birth tbh, but it's a necessary evil to have a fourth child. My friends have said it's the baby stage I long for but it soooooo isn't. It's the thought of 4 children whatever the age that thrills me. He didn't want to get rid of the car seat either, which is also in the loft. I wonder what he's up to?

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sorkycake · 02/03/2008 18:44

DONE!
He has agreed heehee
He knows it will make me very happy and he's a sucker for that.
Thanks everyone

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elkiedee · 02/03/2008 19:13

I think you're crazy in the nicest possible way, and very brave to take on having 4, good luck with the conception and pregnancy!

As I was reading the end of the thread I was thinking he wants you to talk him into it - since he was happy to keep baby clothes and car seat in the loft.

tummytickler · 03/03/2008 13:14

Hi - wonderful that you got him to agree - i couldn't get dh to agree to no 4 - so i was VERY naughty and we 'accidently' happened upon no4 - and dh loves him he is the light of our lives and the best loved baby in all the owrld with his siblings cooing all over him.
Now i want dh to agree to 5 (and 6) in a couple of years - i have mentioned it casually so it is in the back of his mind - he will be bombarded in a few years!
I could have kids forever - they are so fun and joyful (except for this morning grrr .
congrats - hope it all goes well

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