Firstly, I know grandparents have "done their time," so to speak, and they are under no obligation to help out, or babysit. I have an almost three year old son with DH who's absolutely adorable and great to be with. I live abroad (moved country to be with DH), and so my family aren't around to help out, which really saddens me. My husband's family live about a 15 minute drive away. His parents are heavily involved in their church (Catholics), and my MIL speaks at people's funerals, which means she often has meetings with family members etc. She also helps with looking after children at summer camp. My FIL is president of a car club, and he also does odd jobs, although they're both technically retired.
My husband sometimes brings DS to visit them for about an hour at the weekends when they aren't busy, but they never reach out to us asking to see DS or babysit, and they're generally so busy with their church or volunteer work that they're never available. We sometimes go weeks without seeing them. I know DS is 100% my responsibility, but one of my colleagues at work was saying how his family are always asking to babysit his kids. DS' cousins also live close by, but whenever we message his uncle to arrange a meetup, he always makes an excuse. My DH and his brother have a rocky relationship, and his wife doesn't like the fact that my husband owns guns (he's a member of a gun club, and his guns are locked away at all times in a secure safe, he only brings them out either when he's going to his gun club or if he's going on a hunting trip). They live in a big house with a pool in the back garden whereas we live in a small three bedroom apartment with a balcony. DS would love to swim in their pool, but we never get an invite despite making the effort to invite them on family outings many times.
My DH also has a sister who lives a few hours drive away, and she invited her parents, brother, SIL and their two kids to stay at her place the other weekend. We received no invite. If my entire family got together and didn't invite me, I would feel really left out! My husband pretends it doesn't bother him, but I can tell it does.
My husband had to work a morning shift this week, and since I don't drive, my FIL agreed to pick me and DS up in the morning and drive him to nursery. My DS is usually super chatty, loves to sing etc., but he didn't say a single word from when his grandfather picked him up to when he was dropped off at nursery. He gets shy around people he doesn't know, which is so heartbreaking since this is supposed to be his grandfather who lives just down the road! My FIL made a comment like "oh I hope he speaks more at nursery," and I had to bite my tongue not to make a scathing comment.
When we have asked for help looking after DS in the past because we've simply needed a break, my in-laws have agreed but they've been reluctant, and now I refuse to ask them to babysit because I hate the judgement.
Once again, I know they're entitled to live their lives in whichever way they choose, but I really wish DS had a better relationship with them, especially since he can't get to know my parents. I really wish my parents lived close by since they would always be wanting to join us on family outings and see their grandson.