Toddler prefers grandma

[Namiko]

My mother adores my 18 month old and toddler adores her too. She has her on two consecutive days in the week whilst I work.

Last week when being dropped off back at ours it made me sad that when she tripped she bypassed me and ran to grandma for comfort and a hug.

Im trying to be logical that having spent two days with her and only seeing me for bathtime that she would continue going to grandma.

My mum is different for my daughter and for my sisters but as the eldest she gave me a very hard time growing up. I can’t help feeling rejected by both my mother and my own child when she then chooses to go to my mum. It makes it harder that she’s in a tantrum phase at the moment and just feel like I’m getting it wrong all the time. All I do is sing, play, and soothe all day long for 5 days of the week!

I guess I’m looking for either reassurance or hard truths - if she prefers my mum does that mean I’m not being responsive enough to her needs?

Poor you OP. You sound like a wonderful mum and I doubt that it's anything to do with your attentiveness (your care and responsiveness shines through in your post). Children are fickle things and it sounds like it's just that she had spent those 2 days with her.

The difficult past you had with your mum complicates your feelings (understandably so) but it doesn't complicate those of your daughter. I would focus on how great it is that your daughter has bonded with another caregiver, it's wonderful that you haven't let the past get in the way of them building a great relationship. You've put her first. I know how it feels to have a complex relationship with your mum and sometimes see your daughter and mum together and feel odd about it (I'm in a similar boat). But I'd keep that separate in your mind to the extent you can.

I wonder if you could put some nice activities in the diary for just you and your daughter. It will help you feel reassured to have some quality time together doing something grandma doesn't do with her! For example- zoo, trip to seaside or soft play, swimming?