My ds1 is three at the end of august. Ds2 is now four months old. I used to have so much fun with ds1 and the love between us was so strong, with what I thought was an unbreakable bond. Now I feel I’m losing him. I adore both my children immensely but ds1 has started really nastily ( at times) pushing me away both emotionally and physically. I feel just heartbroken and feel it is my fault for wanting him to have a sibling. I have so much guilt and so much conflict in my heart that I feel like I’m not good enough at being a mum. I’m starting to get paranoid about showing both equal affection and attention at all times and it’s exhausting. Has anyone else felt this and can I get him back? I feel bereaved.