AIBU to want 10 mins alone?

[Tiredjoanna]

I'm a sahm to 9mo boy whilst hubby goes work 5/7. My little one is cruising furniture so takes constant watching whilst trying to get all other stuff done. By time hubby gets home I'm knackered but still thinking about having to put little one to bed, which is a nightmare as he fights sleep like a samurai and has done since birth. So AIBU to wantb10 mins to decompress before starting the nightmare? Honest opinions please!!!

Not at all what so ever!
Your husband gets a lunch break so why shouldn't you get a break when he comes home!

Thanks so much for that. It's my first and only child and I kind of feel like I'm doing it wrong if I so desperately need a break 😔

YABU. Because 10 minutes to yourself is not enough! You need min 1 hour to soak in the bath etc.

What does your husband do when he gets in?

Hi @Tiredjoanna YANBU!
i also have a 9 mo and omg she also fights sleep lol!!! I'm brushing my teeth now to get ready for the night shift 😁

Watches baby for short time while I get baby room set up and bottle ready, then sits watching TV. Funny you should say bout soak in bath, I'm constantly getting a 5 min max shower yet hubby gets 20 min bath everyday. AIBU to think that wrong too?

Does your baby nap at all? That saved my sanity for a long time as it was a break in the day. I found crawling to about 2 years old the hardest age.

My husband is gone 7am - 6pm but does bath and bedtime as he knows I need a break mentally when he gets home. I carry on with chores etc but just doing by myself for a bit is nice! Could yours do the same? (Also my husband doesn't get a lunch break most days he's just a good egg bless him!)

Don't feel guilty about wanting a break. Babies are wonderful and you can love them bits but you're still an adult with a mind of your own. I'm a much better mum for having breaks.

You are not being unreasonable. Being a stahm to a 9 month old is hard going. DH needs to help out after work. Honestly team work is the way to tackle the night time routine and you do need a break! It doesn't sound to me like you're doing it wrong at all, but that DH needs to step up a bit!

Hi@summer2424, don't suppose you've learnt any good tips for self settling have you? Started a thread but nobody replied 😔

When my 3 older children were younger I worked part time and looked after the children. I used to get pushed at oh when he wouldn't take straight over from me so I could have a break as soon as he got in from work. Our 4th daughter is 12 years younger than our others and my husband works from home now and I am working full time for the ambulance service. Now I'm the parent that gets home I understand that feeling of needing to decompress myself as being at work is just as draining as having your children all day!
Maybe meet in the middle and take it in turns to be the first to have a break. We do that and it works well and it's nice to know the break is coming. For example one day I will get home from work and get half an hour to sit and chill (also includes sitting with daughter if she's calm) and then hubby gets his half an hour later and vice versa the next day. We also put her to bed together taking it n turns to do the different jobs that need doing x

My DH is forces. Away every week Mon-Fri and often weeks and months at a time. It's awful. Even if he had a 9-5 I'd be counting down the hours.

We made a point of DH being the one to do bath and bedtime most nights. On the basis that this gave him time with his DC, whereas I'd spent more time with them. That also gave me a break (which I often used to clean the kitchen or something similar but it was a break from watching a small child!).

Maybe that would work for you?

Honestly I wouldn't even ask it of him as I know he's knackered after work and my LO is an absolute nightmare to go down, just know he wouldn't have the patience and I kinda don't wanna change the routine of it being me as that will just make LO fight even more to stay awake

You and your husband should both get free time to yourself. If only your husband is getting free time then something is wrong there.

He has 2-3 15 min naps a day. Tried absolutely everything but he just detests sleep. I think as he's really inquisitive (nosy), he feels like he'll miss something 😂

If you want a break, you are going to have to let your husband look after your child. He doesn't have to do it the same way as you do and that doesn't make it wrong.

Honestly no! 🤣🤣 however be prepared to be harassed and tortured for the next 18 years (at least) no jokes……

Hi @Tiredjoanna no hun sorry no tips 😫 last night bubba went to bed at 11:15pm and was up at 6:45am. The other day she went to bed at 8pm and slept till 5am. It's all over the place! I'm literally just taking each day as it comes 😁 joys of motherhood xx

Hi@summer2424, no probs I'm not sure anyone really knows a definite way. People keep mentioning sleep training but from posts I've read it sounds like development leaps seem to throw all training out the window 😂 think I'll just keep doing what I'm doing and pray that when he's older he grows out of it. Hope insomnia isn't hereditary cuz I'm the worst😂

Got 7 nieces and nephews so sisters told me same thing😂😂

As soon as OH walked through the door I would hand him the baby and take myself off upstairs to shower / chill out etc. He was perfectly happy with this as he knew how hard it was staying at home looking after baby

We sleep trained at 5 months and when I tell you it changed my days!
DC had such a tough time with sleep from day 1. We used 'modified cry it out' as a method and it was a really tough first week, but now (8 months) DC initiates sleep, lengthens naps and has a much better routine. DC is more rested and happier and I'm a better parent because so am I.
Sure for leaps or teething it can go a bit wonky, but we're talking a few days in the months DC's sleeping independently.

Thanks irw I'll bear it in mind. Happy for you