School phoning me for police/crime presence at home

[beeswaxinc]

I have name changed as this is incredibly identifying. Wasn't sure whether to post here or elsewhere, but I'm looking for a bit of kindness as I have anxiety.

The school messaged and then phoned me just before home time today to let me know that my son (5) had told them that the police were "smashing in the neighbour's door" recently.

This is 100% true; I have been raising my concerns and trying to get us moved within our HA/LA for the duration of this neighbour's tenancy. I am finally being listened to after the 3rd forced police entry on the place in 2 years, and the school were so kind and supportive.

But, I have anxiety and I am just feeling upset and worried I will be judged for the situation we are in. I self reported to social services last year that there was crime and drugs in extremely close proximity to the kids but after phoning the school they were not concerned as there are no parenting concerns.

It probably doesn't help, but I was already feeling anxious because the school had actually phoned me earlier in the day to say DS had bumped his head and had had a cold compress etc, so when they phoned 20 mins before school finished I was in a panic at the sight of the call assuming it was them calling me to tell me DS was unwell.

I don't know why I'm posting really, I just feel like I have left my DC down. School said DS was unconcerned and was fine while saying it, and went right back to playing, but I am so devastated they have been exposed to such things. Apart from this one property, all the other neighbours are absolutely lovely, life is quiet and peaceful with great resources for the kids. But I just can't shake the feeling that the school are somehow thinking I am doing wrong by the kids and it's making me feel so down.

Are you actively involved in the crime next door which is resulting in police raids? (I very much doubt it from the tone of your post).

I think it's most likely that the school are going to think you're living in a bit of a crap situation with nightmare neighbours, and will probably sympathise with you. They are not going to judge or blame you for the behaviour of people outside your control.

I don’t think anything more needs to be said other than what’s above!

Thanks both

Absolutely NO involvement beyond reporting it to everyone who I hope will listen while trying to avoid personal risk to myself and family.

I reread the message and you're absolutely right. I don't know if it's childhood experiences or anxiety or what, but whenever anything comes up I always assume I am at the centre and have done something wrong.

I suppose I'm also feeling extremely down that we have to be the ones to move, and the fact that we are the ones who have to do all of the active/practical stuff is probably in some way contributing to the "it's my fault somehow" feelings.

I think you are jumbling up things that are your fault and things that are your responsibility. It's easy to do when you are anxious, and when you care about your kids and want to be seen as a good parent. But try and remember this: Caring for your kids is your responsibility. The behaviour of arseholes in your vicinity is not your fault.

You are meeting your responsibilities, trying to safely house your children, parenting well enough that SS are quite content to leave you alone, reporting issues to the authorities to try and improve the local situation, talking to people to get help and support. Stick with that approach. And try and see moving as a chance for a new start and a bit of an adventure. It might be a really positive change for you.