To have another baby or no..

[indesicive]

So this is complete honesty about how I feel..

Ds has just turned 3. Me and my partner plan to have another baby next year but I just keep longing off making it happen.

I want ds to have a sibling, I love him dearly and I know I would love another just as much.

Ds has a lot of food allergies and it has been a super hard 3 years. He never slept well until very recently and cried constantly until
About 2. He's such a bright, sweet and caring boy. But I just don't know if I can do pregnancy and baby phase again.

I'm so stuck and I don't know what to do. Anyone else dreaded a second? But done it and got through the first hard couple of years to give your first a sibling? I just long to have a child who comes out age 2! 😂 I'm so scared to go through it again if dc2 has the same allergies!

(I love the idea of two dc's and having another little human to love and raise. I'm just so scared of a tough pregnancy and a hellish first two years again)

It's a hard one but i would say don't do it for the reason of giving DS a sibling...they might not get on!

The baby stage is hard with some babies and ultimately you don't know how the second baby will be.

If you want another child I think you could look at your support network (if you don't have a natural 'village' can you buy one - cleaner etc) to see if you can manage if you have another difficult pregnancy and baby phase.

If you don't enjoy having a baby, then don't have a baby. I don't really get parents who hate the pregnancy and baby phase and then continue to have more dc. I've found parenting a newborn and toddler a magical experience and it seems so sad for the baby to just be endured. And tbf it means you've only enjoyed the 2-3 year stage. What if it turns out you don't even like the 3-18 years bit?

Mothers feel a lot of pressure to churn out a second against their better judgment and own desires and happiness because that's what everyone seems to do. In my opinion the sibling argument is a bit of a red herring. Siblings are such a lottery don't do it for your son. Do you want another person to look after and have in your family for the rest of your life or are you content as you are? Let's face it it's all going to fall on you so make the right decision. Sometimes focussing on and enjoying what you have is better for everyone including your existing child.

Thank you for this! I do almost feel like I should be doing it.

I would try removing the whole 'sibling' side of things from the equation for now, and just try to honestly think about whether you actually WANT another baby. Not because you want a sibling for DS. Not because you think it's what everyone does. But whether you want a second baby for yourself.

If you don't feel good about having a second one, I think that's your answer.

I’ve got two and I felt much as you do now until my first was coming up to 4. Things felt easier then - I’d changed jobs to one that was more family friendly, we had a more suitable house for a bigger family, he finally slept! He was a bit over 4.5 when his sibling was born and overall everything has been much easier second time around and I wouldn’t change it for the world. I definitely felt the pressure to have another when he was 2 and 3 but waiting a bit longer was definitely the right thing for me.