Trouble breastfeeding

[Moonchild5]

I’m 12 days PP. I’ve been struggling on & off with breastfeeding. During feeds she latches & unlatches constantly. I’ve tried every position & I never feel I’m in the right position. I’m never comfy & it never feels right. My breasts feel like marshmallows they never feel like I’ve got any milk even though I see milk round her mouth & obviously getting something if she’s being sick. We spend up to 2 hours feeding & she’s sick after every feed even though I burp her. She falls asleep during/after as well which I expect but as soon as I put her down 5 minutes later she wakes up looking hungry but she’ll sleep for a long period in my arms. My midwife says she’ll be cluster feeding & that I just need to find the right position for the latch but wanting advice from anyone that’s been through this or knows what’s going on as I literally can’t get off my couch or go anywhere I stand up get to another room & she cries. She also hasn’t started putting weight back on which I’m concerned about & i’m guessing that’s due to her being sick so much as it’s constant wether she’s feeding, in her Moses basket or in her pram. She never seems content always look in pain & hungry

It's good you've spoken to the midwife. I've said it before though..the way breastfeeding is advertised as 'free and easy' is just so unfair to new mums.

Cluster feeding (being on boob for hours as a time) is normal in the first few weeks. Crying when being put down or when you go to another room is normal (all they've known for 9 months is you and your heartbeat).

It being normal doesn't mean it's not hard. I hope you have some support.

Are you feeling stressed like you need do other things, or is there pressure to do this coming from elsewhere? If not, park yourself on the couch/bed with snacks and a drink and just focus on breastfeeding with skin to skin. Watch some shows. Read a book. Scroll.

Is she projectile vomiting or is milk like dribbling out? It might be reflux.

I'm not a medical professional so if you're still worried go back to the midwife or health visitor and see if you can be referred to a lactation specialist. If it's too much, it's absolutely fine to go onto formula.

How are you this evening @Moonchild5?

If it's true that your baby is not yet putting weight back on then this is a serious problem and needs to be addressed asap.

If baby is making a good number of wet and poopy nappies, at least 8ish per day, and gaining even if slowly, all is good, but yes breastfeeding is really hard. I could go into more detail about this... but... no weight gain at 12 days and constantly sleepy, hungry, sorry, it's an emergency.

Sorry I missed the bit about no weight gain. Has she definitely not gained any weight?

Has she been properly checked for Tongue Tie?

I just get agitated & irritable when sat for too long. I rarely watch tv, can’t sit through a film etc I’m just always doing something or outside & obviously can’t do that with a newborn. I have ocd so house is always spotless & the mess is piling up with a newborn breastfeeding. She mainly dribbles sick but has projectile vomited 2/3 times. She has loads of wet & dirty nappies. Midwife coming back on Tuesday to see if she put weight back on. She’s sleepy after being fed but when I put her down she pretty much wakes up straight away & wants fed again unless it’s bedtime so sometimes I sit with her. I’m happy to get used to sitting with her & feed for hours etc if it’s normal. I never breastfed with my first I did for a few days but didn’t have the same support & advice 10 years ago so gave up early so not used to this.

She’s not been checked for tongue tie no. She was 8lb10.5oz at birth 8lb7.5 2 days later then on day 11 she was 8lb6oz & midwife coming back on Tuesday to see if she’s started putting it back on.

If she's waking as soon as she's put down, have you tried using a T-shirt that DH has worn as the sheet in her crib? It will give it a reassuring smell and she is less likely to wake.

Is there something you ate happy to do when you sit and feed, reading, list making, planning a room makeover or a new spot in the garden, Christmas lists?

Are you getting any help with your OCD?

And definitely look to see if she has the symptoms of TT I posted and if she has, phone the MW

Loads of wet and dirty nappies- I bet she is putting weight on. So hard as it's seeming I think you're being successful at it.

The amount of spit up and the cluster feeding all sounds within the realm of normal. And so does the irritation of being stuck a lot of the time 😔.

I'd make an appointment with a lactation consultant or get along to a La Leche League meeting asap, they'll be able to help with latch etc.

In my experience it'll get easier in next few weeks, with up and down periods for months with growth spurts etc, and then by 6m you'll be a pro and it'll be the easiest thing ever. It's absolutely awful to start with tho.

Xx

Glad to hear midwife is keeping an eye on the weight and that she's having wet/dirty nappies, that's a great sign.

A sling helped a lot if baby always wants to be held, you can get around a bit more aswell.

It sounds like not being able to keep the house clean/tidy and not being able to get outside is stressing you too? I'd speak to the midwife about this aswell, maybe be open to some support for you mental health?

It's so hard but you're doing great xx

would you feel up to trying laid back breastfeeding if you haven't already? it can be much more comfortable for mum and baby, baby can often get a deeper latch. Lots of videos online if you search.

Also perhaps worth a thought are breast compressions during feeds, if you feel like she needs more milk.

Also echo the pp saying to find support - trained bf professional IBCLC (sp?), peer support group.

She has trouble latching I’m helping her relatch constantly so don’t really get sit & do something like reading etc or I would probably look for decor inspo or write a poem or something creative. I’m guessing it’s probably my positioning that’s making everything else so difficult. The midwife that came out on day 5 tried to show me but I didn’t get the hang of it & she ended up getting upset & I was getting frustrated so she said she’ll leave me be & phone me the next day. She fed a bit better from then but my positioning still wasn’t great. I really want to persist with breastfeeding, I was robbed of bonding with my son the first few months & this may well be my last child so really want to do all I can to be close to her. My partner keeps saying every time she cries or doesn’t latch, “will I make her a bottle?” & it’s upsetting me. He’s seen me cry the first few days because I couldn’t breastfeed because she wouldn’t latch at all & she was having bottles I was really upset & secondly he thinks that’s the only reason babies cry. I’ve just looked online for breastfeeding support groups & found one 2 mins from me that’s on Tuesday & put my name down to go so hopefully they can help me with positioning & has a knock on effect with everything else. I will keep trying unless it really starts affecting her weight gain I’ll see what the HV says on Tuesday.

I have tried the laid back position I think I’ve tried every position best position just now is the cradle position(really just the position that she rematches the least) I do end up squeezing my breast to help her latch on & keep my hand there most of the feed as when I let go she ends up letting go it’s as if my breasts are too soft for her to grab on to. Hard to explain but that’s how it looks & feels when feeding her I don’t know if that’s a thing.

I'd explain to your DP how much he is undermining you and upsetting you and ask him to read these tips on how he can support you more

I told him 2 days ago his answer is sitting in the bedroom avoiding me when he comes home from work now. He said he was just trying to be helpful asking if he should make her a bottle. I can understand that as it’s his first child & my 2nd so he clueless but he’s a wind up merchant & loves a reaction so never know if he’s just trying to get under my skin or not & I'm tired & irritable

First of all, check latching on position. Hold her at right angles to your breast and make sure the whole of the pigmented bit round your nipple is in her mouth. If her nose is buried in your breast, just put a finger gently on your breast to keep her nose clear. Purists say you don't have to do this if position is correct, but I had to do it, and I successfully breastfed for 20 months and 22 months. However, after the first 4 to 6 weeks, there will be more space between nose and mouth and you won't have to do that.

She should suck vigorously at first, and then change to a slower, rhythmic sucking. If you notice this with most feeds, then the letdown reflex has kicked in, giving her the high calorie milk which comes after the watery milk to quench her thirst. If you never notice it, then she's probably only getting foremilk. Possible reasons are incorrect latching on, or tongue tied. It's a very good sign that her nappies are wet and dirty. I don't think she's losing too much sith vomiting, since she's giving you these nappies.

Frequent short feeds are common, and don't indicate a problem. Weight loss is concerning. Hopefully she'll start gaining weight soon. Good luck. Hope it works for you, but if it doesn't, remember you've already given her a good start with the breastmilk she's had, and the colostrum. Enjoy your baby, however you feed her. One way or the other, things will get better xxx

Have you tried laying on your side and her laying down on her side facing you to feed? There’s some good YouTube videos to show you the exact positioning. In the floppy newborn days I always found this easier to feed as it gave me 2 hands to position breast for her more and is also a lot more relaxing and comfortable for mum! But it’s not for everyone and maybe depends on body type / smaller breasts possibly harder but worth a shot. I never really got on well with the standard breastfeeding positions till baby’s neck was a bit more sturdy.

also my youngest latched / unlatched a lot and was sick after every feed. She has a dairy and egg allergy now confirmed through testing. I cut it all out of my diet and she fed much better and it stopped the sickness. Check with your midwife first but it could be worth a shot to cut it out for a few days and see if there’s any improvement

I think you’re doing amazing to persevere especially with not much support from your other half, other in his defence I think sometimes men feel a bit helpless and don’t like to see you upset / stressed and also don’t have an understanding of normal breastfeeding behaviours like wanting to feed constantly / cluster feeding because it’s not a big part of the culture in the UK. Feeding gets so much easier but with both my daughters I found the first few months very hard and doubted myself both times!

Feeding issues aside, you seen to be equating breastfeeding with having a closer bond. I have feed one bottle and one breast, and whilst bf baby was much more attached to me, my bond with both is equal. I love looking back and remembering her looking into my eyes when bottle feeding in a way that isn't possible because of angles, with bf. I also loved how she craved cuddles because she loved me, rather than also feeling like a food cupboard.

Hopefully the bf will work out for you -and if you then learn how to feed in a sling it'll really help as you are no longer stuck on the sofa. I bf in the playground, walking round the supermarket, even s fairground ride!

But if it doesn't, there's no reason to think it'll affect your bond. Otherwise you'd get no children that were close to their dads would you?

Best of luck

You need to get some face to face specialist support. The ABM has a page where you can search for breastfeeding groups in your area - please please try to go this week as some don't run in the holidays. You may also be able to find a private lactation consultant near you.

Cluster feeding is a thing but if this is happening all day every day it's not cluster feeding, the behaviour you describe is indicative of a baby who is not feeding efficiently enough.

Midwives are brilliant but not always the best for breastfeeding support especially if you are being seen by different people.