Help. No Idea where to Turn

[Peza2020]

Hi. I have a 11 month old boy and me and my partner are at our wits end.

Apart from the first few weeks following birth he is almost constantly upset and extremely unsettled, whines almost all day long. You can get the odd smile out of him, but his default mode is serious and upset/possibly uncomfortable.

His naps are hit and miss, barely follow a schedule, but he does sleep well in the car generally.

He is on alfamino formula, but we have tried literally every other formula, both prescribed and non prescribed throughout his 11 months. Switching to non cows milk helped marginally, but certainly not night and day difference, apart from reflux which improved dramatically when switching to alfamino.

He Generally drinks 3 to 4 formula bottles a day.

He slept through the night until 6 months and now is normally up multiple times in the night regardless of co-sleeping or in his crip etc.

He has had a course of cranial osteopathy, which did improve head shape, but seemingly made no difference to anything else.

He's tried gaviscon, infacol, gripe water, pro biotics, dentinox.

He had a tongue tie separated at 6 months old.

We are at a complete loss. We've been to the doctors countless times to no available, have found the health visitors mostly non existent and less than helpful on the rare occasions we did get their attention. We were referred to a dietician, who thankfully did care and got us the alfamino prescription.

We're willing to do anything including pay privately, but how on earth do we either begin to narrow down any issues? Is it even CMPA related? Reflux relayed? Is it just personality?

It's gutting to be rapidly heading towards his first birthday and still having a mostly upset/uncomfortable baby that screams and shouts for a good portion of the day.

We are burnt out and at our wits end.

Where do we go from here?

Go to gp. If you think he’s in discomfort or pain he probably is. Advocate for the child and keep going back. Friend of mine’s child had every allergy under sun + coeliac and now once once on a regimented diet and gluten free , dairy free diet etc is happy little boy. Took her nearly 3 years to get proper diagnosis and now says she feels horribly guilty her son was in pain all that time and was telling her in his behaviour and she couldn’t get doctors to listen.

also - what about solid food? Lots hear about milk but at 11 months milk is becoming small part of diet. I would be rushing that process and getting my child of a bottle and onto a cup when that 12m timer ticks over

Have you done allergy testing?

My son had reflux. None of the reflux meds you get over the counter worked for him. He eventually was prescribed losec which was the only thing that helped.

This is good advice. Also what is his routine like ? I'd be tempted to Gina Ford him to be honest, if he is miserable anyway what have you got to lose ?

I have looked into to allergy testing multiple times but then always seem to land on a counter argument that it shouldn't be done on u2 year old. Would happily do it if anyone had positive experience around it though.

He eats fairly well, with a mix of protein/fruit/veg for each meal. He loves dinner time but becomes uncomfortable with wind immediately after eating anything. We have built up slowly to the point we are at now by introducing items one by one.

If the alfamino isn't working ask GP for neocate.

The formula he's on still contains Cow's Milk. I'd go back to the GP and ask fir a DF formula.

Also, babies between 10 and 12 months only need 400 ml of formula a day so I'd try cutting down his bottles abs seeing if he eats more.

Definitely ask about a referral to the Allergy Clinic when you're at the GP too.

And have you had his TT looked at to make sure that it hasn't reattached?

Have a look at fox and the moon infant sleep on Instagram. They have a program called the settled baby method which combines a variety of professionals to help you uncover what is the cause of your unsettled baby.

DS was a miserable baby. He cried a lot, didn’t sleep and refused to be put down for his first 12 or so weeks. This then gradually moved to a permanent fussy, whiny cry from about 4 months old. It peaked and troughed, getting better for a bit with every developmental milestone (rolling, sitting, eating etc). The absolute lowest point was at about 10-14 months where it felt like he did nothing but whine, cry and scream 24/7.

The key thing was that it was situational. If we were out of the house engaging in lots of distraction and activities he was often better. Still not a cheery, smile at anyone potato but nowhere near as difficult. If we were at home with minimal stimulation he was unbearable. Sleep was also horrendous for us during this time as well - we had the mother of all 12 month sleep regressions.

I was pretty confident by this stage it was his temperament as opposed to pain or anything like that. There were no other symptoms aside from him being very grumpy and he was too easily distracted. We tried most things you have listed and needless to say nothing really made a difference. I always had a ‘what if’ in the back of my head though about some undiscovered allergy or something like that.

He never crawled going straight to pulling up and cruising. The day he walked marked an absolute turning point and he has been a happy little ray of sunshine since, getting even better again when he could talk. I genuinely think he hated being a baby and the limitations of his body. He was just really frustrated. He was a classic ‘high needs baby’.

I think you know your child best. If you are confident pain/discomfort is an issue and he has other symptoms then you should definitely continue pushing. But equally, if there are doubts in your mind maybe just try and roll with it and see how it plays out for a bit. It’s so tough but it’s not uncommon for some babies to just be permanently pissed off until they can do more for themselves. This definitely seems to peak at about 12 months, even for babies who have been previously quite settled. I’m sorry if this is a load of waffle but tying yourself in knots trying to find a ‘cause’ when there might not be one there is just soul destroying and I really feel for you.

Alfamino is a amino acid formula?

Sorry no idea why I thought it was hydrolysed.

Have you been referred to the allergy clinic yet?