Estranged grandparent

[Bella22boo]

Hello
my father hasn’t really been part of my life since I was 14, my choice.. I closed the door after years of hurt and pain.

i gave him a second chance when my first daughter was born and we agreed to meet monthly taking it turn about to make the journey… needless to say he didn’t keep his side of the deal.

my youngest has never met him properly and has never had anything to do with him in her 8 years of living.

she asked if she could meet him as she has some unanswered questions (after learning about families/making good & bad choices at school)

after a week of her asking I finally gave in and messaged him to see if he’d be willing to meet her.

anyways the meeting is to take place on Monday and I am absolutely petrified.. I’ve protected her for soo long and I’m scared for her. She takes everything literally and is also being tested for autism and other neurodivergent issues. She’s already got him on some sort of pedestal and thinks he will be the best granda ever.. yet he hasn’t visited my niece in 7 months despite being only an hour away from her 🤷🏼‍♀️

I just don’t know what she thinks she will gain from this, but at the same time I can’t deny her the chance to know him either, if I say no wait till your older, anything could happen and I don’t want to be the reason she never got to meet her grandad.. but at the same time I don’t want her getting hurt either 😔

I’m not sure I’d have allowed the meeting in your shoes. However if it is happening I wonder if it’s best to manage her expectations before she meets him (eg we won’t see him often, all grandads are different).

I think that's good advice from Weal.

I have told her he’s not a bad guy, just doesn’t know how to be a good parent/grandparent.

she knows he left when I was 8 months old because he decided to see someone else.

that it wasn’t until he met his now wife, before he had anything to do with his children.. so I was 3 and we only saw them every other month and Easter, summer and October holidays.

she knows that I closed the door on him because I was fed up of being hurt time and time again .. but she wants to ask him why? Why did he cheat on her granny, why did he think it was ok to walk away from his children? And why why didn’t he fight to be part of our lives more…..

it’s like she sense my thoughts and is asking them on my behalf. If I don’t let her go through with it I will be the bad guy for years to come.
my aunty will be with her, and although she’s my fathers sister, she’s the best friend I’ve ever had and will support my daughter with her questions.