Is one child really harder?

[MaxwellCat]

Did post in chat but thought here may be better..

I'm a lone parent to 4 children (they don't see their father) my oldest two are autistic, its really hard going. But one thing that keeps coming up is people keep telling me its easier having 4 than it is to have just one (many many people have told me this even those with multiple childdsn, someone with 7 children told me she finds it easier with 7 than when she just has one! But also those with one have said the same thing) the reason being is apparently they can play together but that feels like a very small part of parenting to me, so whilst my kids do play together sometimes I would say they spend wayyyy more time arguing and fighting then they do playing. So I might not have one that I have to entertain but I do have to constantly break up arguments (more so between the youngest two who are forever in competition) then there is the cost of having multiple children and going anywhere takes forever to get ready and organised, I would love to take them on holiday but the thought of taking 4 children alone is very daunting and not sure I could manage it. Then there's cooking 4 dinners every night, cleaning up after 4 getting 4 ready for school (I've already done two different school runs today) appointments for 4, and forget getting anyone to babysit them, literally no one will have them but I thought more was easier?!

anyway when I'm with one (oldest is home educated) I can't help but think how simply and easy my life would have been with only her to concentrate on, the house stays clean, there is no fighting, I only seen to worry about one she is 12 so isn't hounding me. I barely get a chance to sit down as its just mum mum mum constantly. Hindsight is a wonderful thing and if I knew I was going to be a lone parent I would have definitely just stuck with one (obviously relationships break down sometimes but I still would have expected some contact) its just so peaceful with one at home I genuinely can't see how its not easier? (I could see how two may be easier than one if they get on very well) am I just deluded and my life is easier now and one would have been much harder? 🤔

I have one and I think it is infinitely easier than having more than one. My mum always regretted having 2 as we hated each other.

I feel 1 child is easiest parenting wise as you can focus time and energy on just one and get regular breaks when they are busy with an activity etc however 2 would be easier in certain situations especially if they play well together. I had one and probably life would be easier if I had stuck to one but felt that my DS would benefit from a sibling to play with when we got out to the park/soft play etc it is easier to take 2 and let them play together rather than having to arrange to meet someone for the one child to play with. At the moment 2 is harder as they are very young however I feel in a few years time it will be much easier and they will be company for each other.

It's hard to compare with having a child with ASD as generally they require a higher level of parenting but think regardless of ASD or not 4 children are not easier compared with having 1

Yeah I'm a mother to an almost three year old son and I'm definitely one and done! I couldn't imagine having two kids to take care of never mind four! My son goes to nursery on weekdays and he socialises really well with the other children there, and it also gives me a good balance. I love playing with him and giving him 100% of my love and attention when he's home. Having to divide my time between four kids, plus buying all the extra food/clothes etc. and do mums of four ever get any sleep? Lol

Eh? Having one is way easier. 2 parents vs. 1 child. Just as an example in the mornings before kindy one dresses the kid and the other gets breakfast ready or showers. What do you do with 4 kids? I don't know anyone who says one is harder

Right?? The only people I've known to say that are mums of four lol. I reckon they're just kidding themselves.

The three of us are off on vacation later this year, and while my hubby entertains DS, I'll be relaxing with my kindle and a glass of wine!

My personal experience ( I had one child until she was 18, then her siblings were born so she was essentially an only ) is that that's absolute BS and one child is an absolute piece of piss compared to two, let alone four, kids.

Yup , my exact experience too 🤣

Sorry just coming back to this now as I know a few are doubting that people say it.. these were the comments but it happens a lot irl too my sister has one child and use to always tell me it was more of a struggle with one and that her friend with 3 finds it easier (not in a supportive way she use to say she doesn’t know why I struggle so much as her friends with 3+ say it’s easier)

I saw a comedian, and he has two children. And he very accurately pointed out, that when one of them goes somewhere for the day, and you're left with one, it doesn't get 50% easier. It gets 100% easier.

It's very different for NT children. My cousin has 3 DC and said to me "Well, DS is 15 now, of course you can pop out if the younger 2 are in bed, instant babysitter! Just like we did with our DD!" And I can remember looking at him and thinking, oh how little you know, and how nice it must be in your world. DS has ADHD, severe. I couldn't leave him on his own in the evening, for what he'd get up to unsupervised, and the very idea he would be able to cope should a little one wake up, is inconceivable.

With DTwins, yes it's easier as they have an instant sibling to play with, an instant best friend, and I feel very privileged to have them. But also, depending on what side of the bed they get out of, an instant arch nemesis. "That's MY ball. He took my rabbit. She ate my pear. He poked me. I want a carry, no I want a carry. He screamed at me!" They are fantastic and exhausting in equal measure.

I have never had a break from them, except their nursery sessions, and when DH goes away for work, he'll come back and say how he's missed them. I would love to miss my children. I've never had the opportunity to miss them, I've never had a night away from them since they were born. Constant dependency, with no repsite, is exhausting and I can see why single parents burn out.

If DH takes one out to the shop with him, it is like a full on break. It's so peaceful. I can't wait for the day they are old enough to go on a school trip, or sleep over a friend's. Where I can wake up naturally, instead of to them causing a hullabaloo, and then straight into dealing with that. I last woke up naturally 3 and a half years ago.

DH keeps saying to book somewhere and go and sleep in a hotel, and I might do that, but it's not the same. It's not my house with all my comforts. I just want to go to sleep, drinking tea from my cup, watching my TV, in my bed, and wake up whenever it may be, without the DC, for one morning.

I guess it depends on the children and how old they are. I've got two and I'd say that for me having two is a million times harder than one. Not even twice as hard but considerably harder. It's like the sum of one and one makes more than two if that makes sense.

We had just one for 6 years and she didn't need siblings to occupy her at home. Books, craft, school, her toys and dropping her at kids activities kept her happy and socialized.

Now having two at very different stages is very, very busy and it's harder parenting a todder round her older sister's schedule and needs than having just a toddler!

I coped well with one, two is mostly doable. Having three or four is outside my capabilities! I am in awe of you having four on your own and them having additional needs.

Reading these comments, so happy I'm sticking to just the one 😂