Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Disagreement about consequences for 7 year old

6 replies

BlackStarCat · 12/07/2023 13:49

Partner and I disagree over consequences for poor behaviour for my step daughter. She is 7 years old. I am worried that by not implementing appropriate consequences consistently that she will not learn resilience or how to behave appropriately. She is a normal 7 year old, largely pretty well behaved, polite etc.

As an example, we are on holiday at the moment. She has bitten the mouth piece of
her snorkel tube off (deliberately and in front of me) so that it now no longer fits in her mouth. Partner tried to fix it for her but won’t work. I said that unfortunately that is what happens when you break something and that she would have to make do for the rest of the day (approx 2 hrs of the afternoon left). Partner wanted to replace it so she didn’t miss out. I pushed the situation and she went off with mask (but without snorkel tube) with her friend and made it work for herself.
He said that I was preaching and that it was an inappropriate consequence and said it was too harsh. I disagree. This escalated (she had gone off by this point) and I said that he makes it sound like he thinks I am bullying her. He said he does think that I was bullying her but has since apologised for this.
Thoughts? Was it a disproportionately harsh consequence?
This is something we consistently disagree over and we are both tired of it.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Caravanvirgin · 12/07/2023 13:52

Not at all. But it sounds like you’re walking into power play. I would leave all discipline to DH.

Talipesmum · 12/07/2023 13:54

It’s an entirely appropriate consequence. If you break something on purpose, it stays broken for at least long enough to inconvenience you enough that you think twice about doing it again.

LobsterCrab · 12/07/2023 14:00

So this is your step daughter and his bio daughter? If so, I think this is up to him.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

aSofaNearYou · 12/07/2023 14:04

Yours was the appropriate response IMO. You could try just stepping back and leaving everything to do with DSD to her dad, but I would be concerned that he viewed such a small, natural consequence as "bullying". It very much suggests you will be walking on eggshells with him when it comes to his DD.

BendingSpoons · 12/07/2023 14:06

Completely appropriate if she did it on purpose. If it had been accidental I would have considered replacing.

Why did she do it? To get you to buy her a different one? Because she was cross with you? Being silly? If she didn't realise it would break I would have been more lenient but genuine intent leads to natural consequences. You break it = you have to use it broken.

IME your DP needs to be firm on his boundaries now whilst she is 7 or she will push far more as a teenager! And the costs will be much higher!

BringPacersBack · 12/07/2023 14:09

If she’s largely well behaved and polite I’d leave it to her dad.

FWIW I bit the end off a snorkel at a similar age because it felt nice biting it, not to deliberately ruin it!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page