Please help, don't know how I'm going to do this

[BelleSauvage9]

Dp goes back to work on Monday after being off on shared parental leave. Ds is 6 weeks on Saturday and I have dd1 (11) and dd2 (17 months). Obviously dd1 isn't an issue as she's self sufficient.

Ds is really unsettled and breastfeeds all the time for comfort (cuddling him isn't 'enough' so sling won't be of much use for this problem). Neither of my dds had a dummy but am trying to give Ds one as I just can't get anything done and I've got a toddler to care for. Been trying the dummy for 4 days now and it's very hit and miss. A lot of the time he will not take it at all, some times he will eventually take it but is getting quite upset before he'll accept it. Which of course feels horrible. I think he's taken it without fuss maybe twice.

I feel like I've got no choice, I NEED him to take it, even though I'd prefer he didn't have one at all. But I also feel like he's not really accepting it and if they refuse you're supposed to stop. I don't know what to do and I'm terrified that every day is just going to be horrendous and I'm genuinely worried about how it will affect my mental health :( the only reason I'm coping atm is because dp is around, and even with him there most days still feel really really hard.

I've already made a plan to get out to multiple baby groups and get dd2 out to the park. I intend to get them out in the pram for walks so they can nap (dd is used to being put down for a nap in the bedroom, but I won't be able to do this with Ds in tow - she needs quiet, or to be breastfed, the only way I will be able to keep Ds quiet is by bfing him and then dd will want to bf too and I don't seem to be able to find a good position to feed them both while lying in bed). I don't have any mum friends with babies/toddlers to spend time with. My friends and family all work so won't be able to meet with any of them.

Please, any advice/suggestions would be much appreciated. And any introducing dummy tips/experiences too. Thank you x

Bump

You need to breathe, I promise you have got this!

How manny dummies have you tried? My daughter only liked the mam ones, we had to try around 6 different types before she took to that.

Also do you have a swing? We bought a cheap vibrating swing off marketplace that just went back and forth with gentle vibrations and that worked a treat when I needed a few minutes.

Do you have a sling library you can visit? If you go for a fitting you should be able to find a sling you can feed in.

Oh sweetie.

1. speak to your midwife /health visitor about the dummy; maybe dip the top in milk before you give it might help?
2. could you gradually move the 17-month to expressed / follow-on formula to give yourself a break,? Swapping to a bottle, even if it's expressed, for a couple of feeds will also mean DH gets to help when he's home.

The groups sound like a good idea, especially if they're in walking distance (because no struggles with car seats etc)

My godson refused to settle without being on mum. In the end she used to just put him in the cradle and put Nirvana or Nine Inch Nails on so she couldn't hear him while she did whatever needed to be done. He's now obver 6' and just graduated from uni, so it does get better.

Make sure that if you do feel your MH deteriorating that you get help asap.

Sending a hug.

I had a 5 year old with multiple disabilities and health issues when I had my second child. We had some help, but not 24/7, and when I was alone with them both it was impossible to leave the 5 year old for a second. The baby went into a sling lying across me, and my top was constantly open so baby just fed on demand, and napped in between. Congratulations on your new baby, sending best wishes for you to work it all out!

Learn to feed the baby in the sling - there should be a YouTube video or contact your local sling library and they will help you. Then the baby can be latched on and carried while you deal with the elder one.

You can do this!

Thank you both x

@AperolWhore I've tried 3 different kinds, but one kind much more than the other 2 so perhaps I should try one of the other kinds more for a couple of days. We don't have a swing, just a vibrating bouncer but he doesn't seem to like the vibration. I've got a sling but would have to trial bfing wearing it as I feel like that would be really tricky 😬

@MedievalNun I did try putting some breast milk on it but didn't seem to make a difference. I might try sterilising it a different way as well as I'm using Milton fluid and it smells so strongly of chemicals so maybe that's putting him off? I don't want to stop dd bfing yet as I know she's increased it massively because of the new baby (she was only bfing before nap and bedtime before he was born) and I think she needs that closeness and reassurance. I don't think it's about the milk really, she doesn't like drinking cows milk (or formula I'd guess), she's happy just having water to drink.

Thanks @glitterbumps and @Nightmanagerfan (I started previous reply before you'd both responded!) I'll give the sling a try 👍

Definitely get a sling you can bf in.