Hi, I'm new here and I've never done anything like this before.
My sister in law, who I've known for 15 years has an ex boyfriend that she has 2 boys with ages 6 & 7. He was mentally and emotionally abusive to her so she left him and took the children to live with her mum, this was 5 years ago.
When it came to him seeing the children it was sporadic and so she got a child arrangement order from the court. For the last 5 years even though they haven't been together he has been verbally abused her, he tells her on a regular basis that she's a terrible mother. When they were together he would gaslight her into thinking she was losing her mind, it was so bad she had to seek help from the doctors and a domestic violence team to get antidepressants and anxiety medication. He has since, and for the last 5 years, often brought up that she's weak or that she isn't in the right mind to look after the kids. He often tells his children that "mummy is sick in the head".
He has stalked her on several occasions, finding out boyfriends names when she hasn't introduced to them to anyone yet therefore he shouldn't know their names. He drives past her house even though she has never given him her address. The only way they communicate is by a messaging website that is set up by the court called Talking Parents, but he has often sent her emails to her personal email address that she has never given him to him. He was finally arrested over a year ago for driving past her house on a daily basis. She then went to court and got a non-molestation order out on him. He is so bad that she has to use third parties to talk to him and to do the handovers for the children, but he has abused and threatened her entire family and all her friends so that they are too scared to help as they don't want to be near him. All because he wants my Sister in law to do the handovers so he can see her.
Don't worry. I'm getting to my question. Last year he started a "charity" to help get supplies to the Ukraine. He now tells the children he's a hero, every chance he gets he mentions it in messages to my SIL even though it's got nothing to do with the children. For example he'll say "I can have the children from 12:30 because before that I'll be in Ukraine rescuing people and evacuating them out of the country to get medical help with the help of my team". He has recently been on a programme for the bbc that says he is an armed medic. So now I get to this weekend, he had the children from Friday night to Monday morning when he dropped them at school. When they got home from school that night my SIL said they were frustrated, angry and upset. She sat them down and asked what was wrong. They started to say that "Daddy had been shouting in our faces" when asked why they said he told them to tidy the playroom and they had become distracted and started playing with their toys, im going to remind you they are only 6 and 7. So he proceeded to shout in their faces, they then said that the youngest had said he wanted mummy, to which their father shouted "I wish your mum was dead". He then made them sit on the floor cross legged, facing the wall and made them put their hands on the wall as if they were pushing the wall and made them sit there for what they said was "like an hour". The youngest told him that his arms were really hurting and he replied "Good!!!". Some point during this he shouted at his youngest "you don't give a f*!!!" because he wasn't crying. The youngest went on to say "he was even doing his really deep voice to try make me cry".
So they were then asked if they felt safe this weekend and they both instantly said no. She told school this morning and they informed social services, social services then said there was no concern as they didn't have marks or bruises.
So basically I'm asking for advice on her behalf. How far does he have to escalate for social services to step in? Any advice about any of this would be helpful. What would you guys do if you were in my SIL's situation? I'm trying so hard to help her and the children and just don't know what to tell her anymore. Thankyou so much for suffering through reading through this novel. I really appreciate it.