Experience of 1 parent working away for regular periods?

[LittleBumblebee3]

Hoping there will be some people here with some experience that can maybe give me some tips!

2.5 year old DS. DH works away from home (2 weeks away then 2 weeks here). Obviously DS is starting to have more and more big feelings about this the older he’s getting.

Currently, DH leaves and I have a week of BIG feelings 😔 tantrums, refusing bed unless he can sleep with me (has never been a co-sleeper - always hated it!), constantly asking when Dad will be home (10+ times per day) 😔 it’s awful!
He then settles and we usually have a decent week where he’s his usual cheery self, just still asking about Dad being home.
DH then comes home and we have another week of big feelings and tantrums. He’s perfectly happy to let DH play with him/make him food etc but when it comes to needing comfort (like if he’s upset or at bedtime) then he freaks out if DH goes near him - to the point that he’s gagging and almost making himself sick. It’s awful!
He then usually settles for the second week and is back to being his happy self, although still won’t let DH near him if he needs comfort.

I need help. I feel completely out of my depth. He’s obviously having a hard time properly understanding the situation just now and I’m struggling to know how to make things better for him.

We try to keep everything else about his routine really consistent. We go to all his usual groups etc whether DH is home with us or not. I work the same days each week. We keep meals/bedtime the same. We chat lots before DH leaves about the fact he’s going back to work etc. DH FaceTimes him every day while he’s gone.

Is there anything else I can do?! Mine and DHs family keep trying to force the idea of him having a “countdown calendar” where he can mark off the days until DH returns etc but DH is often delayed at very short notice so I dont think that will be beneficial. DSs speech/language/understanding is great for his age so

Any advice would be appreciated!

Tough one. Tantrums will probably happen whatever's going on because that's 2yos for you!

I've got a 5yo and a 2yo, DH works away regularly - could be a trip from 1 night to 10 nights depending on where he's going. I've found not making any fuss helps - we don't make a big deal over him going away, we might facetime once every few days but not at a set time in the day, just when he's free, I don't mention him very much while he's not here either, only when the kids talk about him. It's just normal that I'm here every day and he is often not here.

I've found with both of mine that if you give something a big build up it always backfires and it ends in tantrums - this goes for their dad coming home from a trip, seeing their besties, going to the zoo....I try to keep it casual and low key and that seems to help.

@Wicksytricksy Thank you! He’s definitely having more tantrums at the moment anyway which I’m assuming is just an age thing as you say. But DH leaving is definitely a huge trigger! I don’t ever build up to him coming home from work as he can often be delayed.

It’s a huge change for him as when DH is home, he’s off work so he’s with DS loads. It’s not like he’s home and he’s still out at work in the day and only not home at bed time etc.

Keeping it really casual is what we have anyways done until he was about 2ish. Then he started getting so upset at DH leaving and it was just awful for everyone. DH was trying to get out the door and DS would be sobbing shouting “no daddy!” as he was trying to get his bags in the car 😔 Then I’m left with a distraught child and DH is sat on a flight for hours worrying about how things are at home.