If you could settle into nursery really slowly how would you do it?

[theotherfossilsister]

My son (eleven months at the moment) is due to start nursery next month. I'm lucky in that the first eight weeks I have a lot of flexibility with work though this will change in late September when he will need to go 8am-5.20pm three days a week

I'm just wondering how I can use the eight weeks to settle him in gently. Was thinking of keeping the 8am drop off and collecting at 3pm, then going fifteen minutes later every week. This might clash with nap time, be confusing though.

Maybe I'm overthinking

DD2 has just started at 12mo. She's doing 9-4ish, which is similar to what you suggest re: 8-3. She's been fine with that and hasn't really required anything more gradual, and on the occasion I've picked her up a bit later or dropped her off earlier, it doesn't seem to have made any difference. I think the transitions are the difficult part, and that happens regardless.

I think you're over thinking. All 3 of mine had a 1 hour session with me there, then 2 2 hour sessions without me the week before they started, then 8-5 full time. All settled really well. Being in more and consistently is better for settling than dribs and drabs.

Slowly isn’t necessarily better. I think 2 weeks is plenty. They certainly won’t benefit from 15 minute changes!

We did 2 mornings (one with me staying), 2 stays until after lunch, 2 stays until tea and then in to 4 normal long days. No tears and no issues at all.

The staff say that going frequently and regularly is the key to successful handovers. It’s the ones that go less often or have to much faffing that struggle.

The hardest bit is definitely for parents. I did all the crying! DD was fine.

I agree with this. Drawing it out will make it more difficult for the ones who take longer to settle and won't make any difference to the ones who don't (I had one of each type!).

I also actually personally dislike picking my kids up a bit early. It confuses them, particularly when they're little, they come in expecting dinner ready when it's only 4pm for example and then getting tired and asking to go to bed dead early. They're also grumpy and its hard to keep them entertained and calm because they're already tired! Whenever I do it I always think why did I bother?! As it's just a few fractious hours.

I think you're overthinking. The initial transition at drop off is always the hardest and that happens regardless. If he settles well, it won't make a difference if you pick him up at 3 or wait til 5. If he does take a bit longer, drawing out the process won't necessarily be helpful. Be guided by the nursery as they will have settled many, many children.

You're overthinking. Mine went for an hour without me then 3 days a week 7.30-5.30. No problems settling. Doing the exact same again from October.

Use your flexibility in the next 8 weeks to deal with any tummy bugs/ coughs/ rashes from all the lovely new germs they'll come into contact with at nursery.

Agree with PP you're over thinking. I think it's easiest to settle them in as quickly as possible to the routine that they're going to be having long term.

DD actually struggled towards the end of the day when other parents started coming to collect and it wasn't me there for her. If you start collecting early then later and later it might cause a similar problem.

Couple of settling in sessions, maybe a morning then on to whatever hours you need. Agree with PP who mentioned all the bugs and colds they’ll be getting. Save up your time off for that.

Settle in as quickly as possible, he won't benefit from 15 min extensions, disruptions to naps. It will just become his new routine. PP is right about the germs.

Agree with the others, it's a bit like a plaster it just needs to be done. Slower makes it easier for the parent, but harder for the child. I think a short settling in hour with you is sensible so he knows where he is going and that he is safe there, but really I would try and get him used to his new routine as soon as you can.

My DS started nursery about 2 months before I went back to work. I use to take him as late as possible (mainly because I'm lazy) and pick him up at the start of collection time so he was going 9.30 - 4.30. When I went back to work, this naturally extended to suit my working hours although I confess sometimes he's still dropped off towards 9.30 if we're running slow. So basically, I think I'm saying that there's no need to overthink it.

My nursery had prolonged 3 week settling. DS did not settle, it was prolonged misery. Then he went to hospital for a week, so what settling he'd done was likely mostly forgotten. Then he had to start full time, and was fine within a week. Really wish I hadn't had to waste my last 3 weeks of maternity leave on the beastly prolonged settling.

Absolutely agree with what's been said about you needing your flexibility (and then some) for all the nursery bugs.

Thank you everyone. I'm probably really anxious about it. Excited for him too but anxious. I think the eight am drop offs will need to start at the beginning. It will actually maybe do us all good to get some routine. I will just really miss him.

I felt exactly the same. Good luck!

I'd be careful not to over-complicate things. I'd start as you mean to go on pretty much. The more time they spend there, the more familiar the place and the staff and the other kids will be and the more at home they'll feel.

When I was looking around nurseries, they were all agreed on one thing which was that the kids who did a half day here and there really struggled to settle.

I remember thinking the same, once there was a pile up on the motorway and I was super late (6.30) past closing. I was crying my eyes out as I thought he would notice. He wasn’t bothered at all as I forgot he has no concept of time.

Guess what I’m saying is trying not to overthink it too much, I think we put so much pressure in ourselves when actually the kids are so resilient.

My son is starting in September at 18m. We have 3 x 90min settling sessions with me there and then off he goes. 8-1 one day and 9-3 another day.

My DS finds it harder being dropped off later in the morning as he has to walk into a room full of children. It seems to be easier for him if he’s one of the first ones there.

I would collect early ish though while you can, it’s a long day. Just find out what time afternoon snack time is so you can go just after that.