Exhausted of DD (6) behaviour

[Luna02]

So my DD is 6 and only had 2 kinds of behaviour- amazing, helpful, kind and funny- absolute delight. On the flip side she can be a monster, kicking hitting screaming as loud as a fire alarm and saying she wants to kill me. The thing is she flips so quickly, there’s no warning. For example last week we we’re going for a walk to go to the park and everything was great, she was so sweet and then she spilled her juice. It caused this major meltdown, I was worried someone was going to call police as she was screaming so much.

I find myself on egg shells and just unable to enjoy the good times with her as I never know what could possibly happen to make her flip. It’s so different with DD2 as I’m able to relax and just enjoy the moment with her, she’s stable in her emotions. She can be happy, sad and everything in between but she’s not extremely happy, to extremely sad/ angry to again extremely happy in a matter of minutes. It’s exhausting.

How is her behaviour in school? Is it the same pattern or is she trying to regulate her behaviour to some extent. I’d speak to her teacher.

How old is your younger child and did her behaviour change after the birth?

Your example is interesting. You may need to start recording some incidents to see if there is a pattern at all ( look at STAR analysis)
This might show if it is at certain times or days or in s particular situation and possibly what the outcome is for her.

Two things spring to mind with the drink. May have already been in a state of heightened excitement or anticipation so then might have been really angry with herself for spilling the drink ( thinking she will need to change, trip out delayed etc) or maybe she hates being wet?

Must be difficult but if you are anxious she will pick up on that too.
I’d look at relaxation, a place to go to calm when she’s having a meltdown or ideally just before.
You can help her to look at recognising how she is feeling and labelling it with a number or colour , Five Point Scale type resources and books like When my Worries get too big.