DD not invited to birthday parties

[Smarshian]

DD(6) and in yr1 is a sociable, happy, outgoing girl. Very much a ‘tomboy’ and hangs out with the boys mainly at school.
She has 2 best friends at school, who both invited her to their parties back in Oct/Nov.
Since then she has had 1 party invite. I know that many of the children in her class are having smaller parties (not whole class, but 12-15) and obviously not everyone can be invited, however, she is feeling pretty upset at having hardly any invites all year.
This is especially hurtful as her 2 best friends have been invited to 3 parties in the last 6 weeks, and have discussed it at school.
I really feel for her and wonder whether it is a reflection of others not feeling close with her. When she lists her friends she includes one of the boys who had a party yesterday (with 15-20 children), but she didn’t get an invite.
I also play in a sports team with the mum of this boy and am reasonably friendly with her.
Any advice on either softening this for her or helping her to get the invites?

I feel your pain, it is horrible to think that your child feels upset about this. Is it a case of mums being friends and therefore their kids getting invites? Is there a clique where 'popular' parents kids are invited? Does she get along with the rest of the kids in the class.

You could try to swap classes? I really do not know the answer other than to support you. When they get older, the situation will change and kids will choose who they want at their parties.

Did she have a party? Some of it may be reciprocal invitations?

Thanks both. She seems to get along reasonably well with lots of other children in the class. And I am friendly at the gates with some of those parents too.
She did have her own party (in December) and invited 6/7 friends from school for that.
I wonder whether more play dates with some of the other children from school would help.
She is generally very happy at school and settled, so I am not worried that she has no one to play with, only that she is upset about the parties.

If she’s really upset by this I would throw her a party and invite the whole class. When sending party invites in the past I always include children whose party my DD went to. Does depend somewhat on birthdate though my DDs birthday last week of term so possibly wouldn’t work then, after Summer and class change probably be forgotten.

Have those kids had parties and not invited her? Or is it other kids, who may well not invite her as she didn’t invite them and they’re reciprocating to ones who did?

It is other kids I suppose, but some are bigger parties than she had, so perhaps some are just reciprocated invites.
Of the 6 she invited 2 are her best friends, then one was the other invite she had in May. The other 3 kids have not invited her, but I am not sure if they had parties themselves or not.

I wonder if it's a case of that boys tend to invite all the boys to their party and girls tend to mostly invite the girls, but if your DD is playing with the boys it kind of puts her in neither group for party invites? That's one possible harmless explanation.

I would also look at how she has behaved at parties she has gone to, which is very difficult to do objectively as a parent. At one recent party there was a child who wanted to completely monopolise the birthday child to the extent they were making them run away from the other kids and saying unkind things etc. I wouldn't invite this child to a party in future as it was unpleasant. The child in question is lovely but I think becomes insecure at parties and this is the way it presents.

I did wonder this, but the party she was particularly upset about today was held yesterday and I have seen some photos, there were definitely girls invited.
It was a football party as well, which she would have LOVED.
I certainly don’t think it’s about the way she behaves. She is the kindest girl and always looks out for other children/ those who need a friend.
maybe there is something in the reciprocating though. Maybe we will need to throw her a bigger party next year.
Unfortunately her birthday is Christmas week, so often people are not available due to family events/ visitors etc.

Maybe you could have her party 2nd weekend of January or something so that it doesn't become 'just another thing' for parents to fit in in the run up to Christmas. Everyone tends to be around then and might welcome a party for their DC to go to.

Hold a half birthday/summer party/BBQ for her at home perhaps?

I think it's important to teach our children that not everybody has lots of friends, and it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with them, it just means they don't have a friendship connection with that particular person/people.
That's just part of life, there's no need to sugar coat it, just help her understand it in a healthy positive way.

There will be plenty of other children who also didnt get an invite to parties. You can use an exmple of kids she hasnt invited to her parties and say its just the same Situation.

Teach her self confidence, self assurance, independenceeland that we don't always meet our best friends in life at a young age, and we don't need lots of superficial friendships & party invites to be happy. Maybe she will meet her besties next year or at high school or at uni or at her first job or at a new hobby. Either way she should know its not a reflection on her as a person, there just isn't that connection there with somebody yet. Also generally these people who have tons of friends & party invites us usually just surface level stuff which is not important in life to be happy.