Is it selfish to just have your child once a month?

[cloudemonade]

Just wondering the answer. I have 2 dc's (different dads), elder dc lives with me dh and younger dc. Dc1's chooses (court order that he wanted) to see dc1 for one weekend a month. Saturday morning til Sunday afternoon. How can they build a relationship with that? Luckily my dh has stepped up and been the dad he needs. He has no interest in having dc1 any longer than that. Just wondering what people's thoughts are on it?

On the face of it, it sounds bad, but I suspect there’s plenty of backstory and the dad’s version would be different to yours.

Not really a back story other than it went to court as I wanted a residence order to say ds lives me (as he was doing anyway). I have always been happy to facilitate contact between them I anyway I could as my ds and his happiness comes first. I would am just annoyed he wants ds so little as I don't no how they can have a proper relationship. I feel ds should be his priority

If that’s all the dad can offer because he lives far away, works at weekends, DS plays sports at weekends that dad can’t facilitate etc then I don’t see an issue. I’d only really see an issue if DS wanted more and ex said no without good reason.

He lives in the same town and doesn't work weekend so no it's not all he can offer.

Is DS happy with arrangement? I wouldn’t worry about them not having time for building a relationship. I know people who’s dads worked away for months on end in different countries and they are very close now and others who grew up in the same household as their parents and are now completely no contact.
I don’t think that amount of time is always that important, probably it’s more the quality of time and what each get from the interactions.

Pretty pathetic.

It's really selfish and shitty, I have no idea why people are trying to defend or insinuate anything but this.
He is a shit dad op and I don't think you can ever build a decent relationship with such little physical imput or time spent with a child.

You can have a relationship of sorts in that amount of time, but it may not be a traditional parent/child one and he won't have much influence over his upbringing.

Your DS will remember this when he gets older. My DH is a far better stepdad to my DC than their biological Dad was. Guess who gets the father's Day card each year and who now adult kids turn to for advice and help with DIY on their houses?

Selfish and lazy

One weekend a month I would be happy with that, I broke up with my ex 6 years ago and he has never once had them overnight. Not once.

Oh and he last saw them 2 months ago so not having regular day time contact to make up for it. It’s not great but it could be a lot worse.

Yes it's rubbish.

Well, it's a piss poor contribution to his child's upbringing, yes. Of course it is. But some adults aren't fit to be parents, or can't be arsed to be engaged/active parents.

Of course it's shit and selfish. I don't know how anyone can defend it. It really isn't parenting, is it?

This is a very low bar.