My 12 year old daughter can't swim

[lorrylau]

I've spent hundreds on swimming lessons over the years but my daughter has never reached a degree of competence and refused, point blank, after the pandemic to return to lessons. I'm always fearful on holidays and when we are on or around water. She's stubborn to the nth and currently so moody and hormonal. Do I leave this for a year or so until she's mature enough to see sense, or do I push on through with lessons and all the drama that will entail?

Has she got motor skills issues? My 12yo has dyspraxia. Despite about 5 years of swimming lessons she can only swim about 15 metres max.

She's sad because she cannot do inflatables stuff but she's just not strong enough.

Hi op I'm a swimming teacher can she float? Swim on her back? Breastroke? I'd definitely get her lessons 121 if you can afford them.

What's the issue, exactly? Is she just struggling to swim or is she fearful of the water? Or both?

My dd started later than average due to eczema issues, and she made very little progress in group classes. What made the difference for her eventually was 1:1 lessons. She will never be the world's most confident swimmer but at least she can swim and join in with her friends etc.

Would you be able to stretch to 1:1 lessons if you haven't tried that?

I don't think you can force her if she isn't willing, but she might be embarrassed about the fact that she can't swim yet. Is there a pool where she could learn where she definitely won't see anyone she knows? That might help.

I would let her take the lead though. If she really doesn't want to do it, she won't learn.

I'm not sure. She says she hates all sports and physical activity and doesn't give any of it a go now, but I'm not sure it's due to anything physical. I worry sometimes that it's in her head, that she's decided she's not good at swimming/sport because it hasn't come naturally. There's no changing her mind about it either!

I've definitely thought about one-to-one if it came to it. It's how to broach it with DD🙄

Trouble is, she's 12 which is by no means the age of peak reasonableness.
You want her to have some degree of water safety. Ok. Focus on that, and just bribe her to reach that minimum safety level. Ask around for what that minimum level is and for a recommended 1-1 teacher who has endless good-natured patience and will get her there.
And promise her that once she's got to that won't-drown stage, you will hand over that sweet sweet bribe and drop the whole damn subject forever.

Most likely once she grows up peer pressure may change her mind.
But if not, your duty to keep her alive will have still been done.

Does she enjoy being in the water?

121 lessons might help but start small just get into the pool once a week as a family and stop for chips on the way home. Make it a social thing without any pressure to actually learn stuff. Find a pool where there is a fun shallow end so you can play games with no pressure to do stuff.

I can’t swim. I HATE getting my face wet. I have tried and just fail.
like you just suggested I hate all sport because I’m rubbish at iy and give up instantly.

I’d try the one to one lessons but maybe wait a bit although saying that getting her started as a teenager might be even more tricky.

Im really cautious around water as I can’t swim and I wonder if people who can’t swim might be less likely to get into trouble in water as they are nervous around it. Don’t know.

How did she get on at school swimming, actual lessons op? Surely you know what standard she's at?

We just had some year 6s who came back for the 25 metres all got it by one who got 5 metres on her back. She didn't go swimming at all and was last doing school swimming in Year 3 because her school insist on doing it all in Year 3 instead of spreading it out. It's such a vital life skill. I'd work on finding a 121.

Thanks for all the input folks, it's been very helpful 😊

I'll schedule a trip to the pool with her over the holidays and, if she enjoys it, I'll keep doing it and make it fun.

In the meantime, I'll sus out a 1-2-1 coach and bring it up at the right time. She might just need a couple of sessions to get her over the line. She can do the basics, it's just bringing it all together.

I didn't learn to swim until I was 27

Mine is 12. She can't either, she hates it. We will be getting 121 lessons but money is a little tight currently!

Mine hated swimming lessons as she didn’t want to put her face/head in the water, and not doing so didn’t seem to be an option.
So she didn’t swim until she was a teen and could swim however she liked.
There’s a difference between absolutely not knowing how to swim, and not wanting to swim, and I guess that, as she’s had lessons in the past, she would know what to do if she fell in.

Does she have a friend who enjoys swimming that you could schedule a public swim with (obviously you go too). It’s likely she’s digging her heels in because it’s coming from you. If her friend however is confident in water it might just persuade her. Btw I know several adults who cannot swim so while I think it’s an important skill, it’s certainly true that she’s not alone. Forcing anyone to do something doesn’t work.

I swim in a pool in a local hotel. The pool is lovely, generally quite quiet, and is usually used by people on spa days. A company called Swim Expert gives 1-1 lessons and I always thought it would have been a very gentle way to learn to swim - quiet, pretty, pool, 1-1 tuition, nice temperature- instead of the bewildering racked of the local leisure centre where my two learned.