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Just want to have a nice 1st birthday for DS!

3 replies

Mamabear04 · 09/07/2023 17:34

Not sure to start with this one but I've had a bit of a shit year. I had a traumatic birth and it's taken me the best part of a year to feel remotely physically normal again, two of my very close friends passed away within 5 months of eachother, I have 2 family members who are very unwell and to top it off I've had my own health problems that wound me up in hospital a couple of weeks ago and ruined our summer holiday that we had saved for and were really looking forward to. I'm still not feeling 100% (respiratory problems) and even with much help and support from DH and DP I'm still exhausted and having problems with my chest (back and forth to the GP). It's DS first birthday tomorrow and tbh him and DD have been such a ray of sunshine throughout this difficult year.

DD is 3 years old and this whole week has just been acting up so much, so many emotions, tantrums, shouting, stomping her feet etc. I'm just so tired and I'm trying so hard to be positive. I understand that she's also been through it and me being unwell will effect her and also I think she might be a bit jealous of DS getting more attention than usual etc but honestly all I want is a nice day. I've tried to give her extra attention, reassurance etc but she is sooo clingy and gets upset whenever DS wants up to be held. I've also told her we're keeping her off nursery tomorrow because we want her to be with us and join in all the fun. I've tried to include her in birthday preparations, DH Baked a cake with her today, I let her pick the candles and the balloons at the shop but nothing will ease the tantrums and emotions and tbh it's sucking the energy from me. I feel absolutely drained by it.

Can anyone give some advice? I don't want to dull down the attention I give to DS just because DD is having tantrums. I just want an easy day tomorrow and to celebrate a year of DS!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Sunnydaysarentagiveneveninjuly · 09/07/2023 17:36

Send her to nursery and have a less stressful day. She can see ds after that.

Mamabear04 · 09/07/2023 17:43

The problem is she only goes PM so it would ruin the whole day as DS naps 9-11am so would mean we'd have to feed her and drop her off and then DS naps at 2pm

OP posts:
VivaVivaa · 09/07/2023 18:38

I have a 3 yo and while I haven’t experienced this exact situation I can well imagine it.

I’ve found it’s better to just not over prepare him for exciting, ‘big’ events. It’s so easy to say with hindsight but I wouldn’t have told her anything in advance and just kept her off nursery on the day and had the party. I think all the cake making and balloon buying and bigging up a day off nursery will have just sent her into overdrive. They don’t have enough of a grasp on time to appreciate future events without it sending them a bit wild. We went on holiday a couple of weeks ago and I made the foolish error of telling DS and getting him all excited about holiday with granny and a day off nursery a few days in advance. He was an emotional wreck by the time it came around.

If you are keeping her off, I think you need to accept that actually, it doesn’t matter if she tantrums. It’s not going to ruin it for DS and she is going to have big feelings about DS being the centre of attention and all the excitement. I can well appreciate you want a lovely, stress free day after the year you’ve had, but your 3 year old doesn’t have the emotional maturity to get that. Try and lower your expectations and, if you can, try and carve some time just for yourself to celebrate surviving the year. Good luck!

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