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Original poster

Newborn sleep….realistic?!

34 replies

Shleepymummy · 09/07/2023 09:21

Struggling with my 5 week old and getting him to sleep, in the day and a little at night. He doesn’t fall asleep on the boob in the day (uncomfortable, relfux/colicky) so after a feed and burped etc when it’s time to sleep I have to rock him, dummy, use the car/pram and he’ll snooze. I’ve read you should put them down awake in their safe sleep space and can help them sleep with white noise, gentle patting, getting the wake window timings right.
Does that actually work? Or a load of crap?
Because I’ve watched the clock and put him down when he’s been awake for 45-60mins and he won’t just go to sleep. I have to help him. Don’t know if I’m doing something wrong, not persisting enough or it’s just a load of crap and newborns can’t just fall asleep by themselves at 5 weeks.
Any thoughts/ experience?

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AluckyEllie · 09/07/2023 09:24

I never managed it so I wouldn’t worry. I’m sure some babies do but my baby didn’t get the memo. It will get easier soon and they will sleep for longer soon so it’s not forever, but I had to get them to sleep on me and then transfer.
I found a sling super useful because the motion of me moving really helped her drop off and it saved my arms too.

AgathaMystery · 09/07/2023 09:26

5 weeks is very very early. Your expectations are almost for a 5mth old - but not a tiny baby. Read up on the 4th trimester - it gets easier, I promise.

Giltedged · 09/07/2023 09:27

I never managed it either - if it’s any consolation I do think this is such a hard phase as they are out of that very snoozy newborn stage but not old enough for any sort of routine! I think DS got a vague concept of day and night at around eight weeks.

I think most people try to split the nights a bit -
DH did 8-midnight and I did midnight - 6 so we both got a bit of sleep. It’s a killer I’ve got this coming to me soon as am having another one, I am looking forward to newborn cuddles but not newborn sleep!

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AmyAW · 09/07/2023 09:29

It doesn't work, except for a few rare babies (that I'm yet to come across) who are naturally always calm. Ignore everything you read on Google. The baby sleep industry is an absolute moneymaker and it there was a magic cure for sleep we'd all be doing it already.

Nothing wrong with rocking, pram, cuddles, feeding, whatever works for you. You're doing a brilliant job and sleep does get easier with time.

JunipeJuniper · 09/07/2023 09:29

I had loads and loads of mum friends in the baby stage and don't know a single one who managed this sleepy but awake thing.

Original poster

Shleepymummy · 09/07/2023 09:31

Thanks @AgathaMystery @AluckyEllie think I just need to power through helping him sleep and worry about sleep further down the line! I just don’t get how I am supposed to get the recommended day sleep in him when he won’t sleep?!
Good luck with the newborn @Giltedged ! As you say, enjoy the newborn cuddles.

OP posts:

pambeeslyhalpert2 · 09/07/2023 09:42

At that age they just need to sleep. The going to sleep awake but drowsy is for an older baby.

My baby wouldn't sleep unless she was on someone. Then she was feed to sleep when she was more aware. By 6 months she could fall asleep on her own and was sleeping through the night. I used to really like feeding to sleep when she was a baby and she'd go all snuggly and sleepy in my arms

pambeeslyhalpert2 · 09/07/2023 09:43

Oh also have you tried a sling??

pambeeslyhalpert2 · 09/07/2023 09:44

It wasn't rubbish sleep for 6 months tho don't panic: it was super super hard for 6 weeks then we could put her down to sleep: then she'd wake a few times then once then none

PlantDoctor · 09/07/2023 09:44

It never worked for mine!

Olivia199 · 09/07/2023 09:55

It never worked for me, especially not with a refluxy baby. She'd wake the second I put her down too. So we went with the forced rest of her napping on me in the early days while I watched TV.
She learnt fairly quickly to self settle later on through her own steam. Just one day decided she'd go ahead and drift off without my help. (though obviously it's up and down with various stages of tricky...!)

MagpieSong · 09/07/2023 09:58

Have you spoken to a lactation consultant or breastfeeding group? There are lots on Facebook and it sounds like you might have some latch issues from how baby is feeding and the reflux (reflux is a symptom so working out cause can help). I could be totally wrong, but I’d get in touch with someone really knowledgable who can assess feeding as that might help. Lots of midwives and health visitors aren’t specialist enough to see minor tweaks that make big differences. I think most 5 week old babies fall asleep on the boob. The drowsy but awake thing never worked for my babies, they wanted to be close to fall asleep and, even as a 2yo, my eldest still wants cuddles for bed (with dad to give my boobs a break as we co-sleep so she has boob when she wakes later in night).

Really hope you manage to find a way to get him to sleep, you must be knackered!

Wicksytricksy · 09/07/2023 10:21

One of mine is a great sleeper and he still had most of his naps on me or being walked in the buggy at a decent pace until about 1.

I think drowsy but awake is the biggest lie in parenting.

Caravanvirgin · 09/07/2023 10:27

It worked for mine but not until they were nearly 4 years old.

Original poster

Shleepymummy · 09/07/2023 12:22

@MagpieSong good point about the reflux, never thought of it like that. I have had help from the infant feeding team at the hospital and a lactation consultant. He had a tongue tie which was cut and I’ve had support since. He doesn’t have the widest latch but he won’t move his neck back. Seen an osteopath for that. The kid is just broken in all senses it seems- mentally and physically tough!
But the consensus seems to be putting a 5 week old down and awake and hoping he will sleep is not realistic

OP posts:

firstpregnancy1 · 09/07/2023 12:27

My first baby was never able to fall asleep by himself at that age, he often 'fought sleep' too and I had to put a lot of effort in to getting him to drift off. With my second I had done a tonne of research and bought sleep courses and had the experience of my first and genuinely thought I was confidently going to be able to work on getting my second to be a better sleeper. Lol how wrong I was.

Babies that age are the hardest for sleep in my opinion. Just do what you can to survive and get some chunks yourself. Day time, sling was the best for me personally especially with the second. Pram also. Although my second wouldn't sleep in the pram until about 4/5 months as she screamed. Just find what works for you and your baby and stick to that until they're 6/7 months and by that age there are things you can work on (if you want to) to help them to fall asleep by themselves/ more easily

Original poster

Shleepymummy · 09/07/2023 12:34

@firstpregnancy1 thanks for this. I was looking into buying a sleep course etc even though I’ve done a lot of research and reading so hearing it still didn’t help reassures me that I shouldn’t bother.
I will try the sling again, he seems to hate it but maybe I need to practice more. I find it’s either too tight or he won’t turn to the side so I can support his head in the fabric

OP posts:

firstpregnancy1 · 09/07/2023 13:01

@Shleepymummy

I should clarify that the sleep course I bought for over 6months was a godsend and both started sleeping through and self settling after doing the techniques in the course so I wouldn't rule them out indefinitely. But much before 6months I just found is pointless because I reeeeally tried to get my second to sleep better and short of just leaving them to cry themselves to sleep which I didn't want to do, nothing would work so I just accepted it and waited!

Re the sling have you tried different ones? I used an ergo baby one with a newborn insert and was perfect and didn't hurt my back like the baby bjorn one. I didn't get on with the stretchy ones . You can usually find them on eBay/marketplace for cheap or some places have a sling library.

QueenFree · 09/07/2023 13:08

Never worked for me! DS also hated a sling (sigh).

DS is 6 months and only just started showing signs of self settling at nighttime. He needs a lot of encouragement, lullabies, stroking etc but after I've done those bits he will drop off on his own and sleep through. But nap time he still likes being rocked in a pram, I always attempt cot first and occasionally he'll sleep in his cot for naps. I've tried everything and it's been a bit of an uphill battle.

Slowlyyyy getting there. Don't worry, OP. Every baby is different and LO will get into their own pattern.

Original poster

Shleepymummy · 09/07/2023 13:53

@firstpregnancy1 i have only tried wrap one which kills my back but I have the ergo baby with newborn insert so I will give that a go this week. And yes to using some sleep help after 5/6 months. It’s just how do you get through until then. Sleep when baby sleeps….but I’m rocking the baby, walking the baby soooo?! I just wanted to know I wasn’t doing anything wrong and sounds like it just doesn’t work putting him down and leaving him to it

OP posts:

firstpregnancy1 · 09/07/2023 14:13

@Shleepymummy definitely not doing anything wrong! My husband and I split the nights as other poster mentioned. I found as long as I got one solid chunk of 4 ish hours then a bit of broken then I was coping. If you're exclusively breastfeeding it's not as easy to split the night of course. With both of mine also I found at around 4-5 months they went through a phase of being up every hour overnight and it nearly killed me/us! I felt like I was rocking them to sleep, holding them for 10-20 minutes getting them into a deep sleep, putting them down and then they'd sleep for 40 minutes and be awake again for a repeat ! I read that by this age it CAN strart to affect them if they fall asleep in one place (your arms) and wake in a different place (their bed) similar to how it would feel if you went to bed one night then woke up at 2am in the garden you'd be really confused. Not saying yours will do this.. but mine did.. and it's what led me to work on their sleep when they turned 6 months old

Original poster

Shleepymummy · 09/07/2023 14:30

@firstpregnancy1 yes I am EBF which makes is tricky, but we have started a bedtime bottle so I just need to work on timings of that so I can feed and go to sleep and leave the baby in capable hands with my DH! Day times I can let go of, but nighttimes have got to get easier soon

OP posts:

giraffesinscarfes · 09/07/2023 14:56

Every baby is different, some do some don't. At 5 weeks old it's nothing that you're doing. I would keep trying though, it's far too early to be worrying but the earlier they get the hang of self setting the easier it is IMO.

Original poster

Shleepymummy · 09/07/2023 15:58

Thanks @giraffesinscarfes In terms of keep trying, any tips of what I can do?

OP posts:

Hazelnuttella · 09/07/2023 16:06

Sorry OP, mine only went to sleep in his cot at 6 months when we did sleep training. He didn’t get the “sleepy but awake” memo unfortunately.

He was also colicky and refluxy and woke a lot in the night, and took a long time to get to sleep too (rocking, singing and dummy). He would sleep on me for long periods in the day but would wake up if I put him down.

I don’t have much advice other that do whatever you need to do to survive the first 6 months. There is no such thing as making a rod for you own back at this age.

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