Toddler extreme meltdown

[KMwills]

Hi…

I have a wonderful 2 year old Boy, (starts to cry) I’m so unsure on everything in this parenting world.

Lately he has been having these extreeeeme melt downs, where he tries to bang his head or hits and scratches himself, while screaming with rage and shaking, they usually don’t last too long, however I’ve been away for the day and night yesterday and my partner has just let me know he had one yesterday that was out of control and upsetting to watch he suggested it went on for an hour or so. He finally calmed down after wearing himself out my and partner trying different tactics.

Now is this a ‘normal’ Toddler phase or do I need to be worried here? He’s doing great in his Mike stones, he’s not fully talking yet but can understand direction and putting words together.

Is this my fault? Have I displayed my anger at times not in the right way? Help…

Normal. That's why it's called the terrible twos. They can't regulate their emotions properly, they don't understand the world properly yet. He'll be fine, just support him through it and it time you'll find the meltdowns become less and less.

Toddler temper tantrums are fairly normal, they get frustrated and don't know how to cope with that.

Are there any common themes that set him off?

We found at that age DD would be wanting us to know something but didn't have the tools to communicate, she also really didn't like it when we did something suddenly, like saying 'ok shoes on, we're going out' she liked a bit of a run up to it, more along the lines of 'after you've finished breakfast we'll be going out'.

When she did have a tantrum I'd move anything out of the way including her if necessary so she was in a safe space with nothing to throw or hit on then just sit next to her, tell her I knew she was frustrated and I was going to sit quietly till she could tell me why, sometimes I'd quietly hum a nursery rhyme or count slowly. Something familiar and soothing.

In her case it did pass, she's 9 now, still has occasional sulks and frustrations but nothing outside the range of average.

Mine had terrible tantrums. The only way I found to her through was to wait till it was over then cuddle them. There's no point trying to talk to them when they are in that moment cos they're not focussing on anything other than the anger/frustration they're feeling.
If the tantrum happens because you've said they can't do something - don't change your mind it'll make things worse in the future.

Thank you all so much, I know deep down every toddler has these moments but when they’re happening you feel like the only one going through it? 🤣