Two year old too attached?

[Mumanddone]

DD is 2.5 - has ALWAYS been a mummy’s girl and we’ve gone through periods of her screaming her head off anytime her dad takes her upstairs to bed etc but have successfully navigated.

she’s teething right now (back molars) and again, if I am in the room, no-one else exists. She is extremely attached and won’t want to be with anyone, including her dad. Her dad is amazing and they have a brilliant bond but she will say she doesn’t want to be with him which is so hurtful (I know she doesn’t say this maliciously but she would never say this about me). She is such a clever and lovely little girl but I find these periods very draining. Short of me sabotaging our bond, I don’t know what to do.

Her dad does plenty of things with her without me and they always have a wonderful time - the issue arises when we’re all together.

I know this is a phase and it will
pass but it’s so so difficult for us and I wonder if anyone has been through the same and has any advice

Does she go to nursery or anything without you?

I have a teen DD that likes to do things separately with me and DH, really hates being with both of us.

I’m a firm believer in letting them be as dependent as they need to be to allow them to become more independent at their own pace. But I hear you that it’s draining! I think sometimes you need to be firm in saying ‘daddy can do this for you, I need to go upstairs and do blah blah’, then just go and both of you tolerate the tears. DH needs to understand this as part of healthy attachment behaviour, that you are her primary attachment figure and this is not personal to him. If he does he can be understanding with her upset and not get upset about it himself which won’t help.

If you're not around she won't be so focussed on you, so do more stuff for yourself and away from her? It won't 'sabotage the bond'.

Agree with this.

She’s with her grandma the three days I’m at work. They have a wonderful time. She starts full time kindergarten in sSeptember.

i do! I relish giving them their time - I’m not an overbearing mother and need her with me 24/7. I truly love the break too. It’s when we’re all together. We want to have a nice family morning for example but then it’s difficult when she’s like a leech.

This is the approach we have been taking. I believe that she will foster her independence but as you say; it can be very draining. We did what you suggested this morning and it worked but gosh I hate starting a day with tears.

Yeah I have to say with my two who are 7 and 4, there’s sometimes something harder about all being together. The youngest expresses a preference for me still but it is absolutely happy with her dad when I’m not there. I have these visions of happy family time but it seems more complicated than when either of us have them alone! But over time I’ve gotten more relaxed about the tears about this stuff, and it is starting to come. The eldest who was a klingon probably chooses her dad more often now.

No advice but just to say you're not alone. My DS is 2.5 also and has ALWAYS been attached to me, he's an absolute koala. At this age he is constantly telling daddy to "go away" and "mummy do it". Hates daddy bedtimes but we've very consistently alternated since 18m and he's used to it now (apart from the odd time when he's sick and I'll do it). Like you his daddy is amazing, they do lots of 1:1 things together and have a great time. I'm just riding the wave and I'm sure it'll ease off soon 🤞🏼

My 2 children went/are going through this same stage. Your daughter's brain is developing and she feels she needs mom, that's normal. I know it's hard but it won't last forever. This stage is very important for a secure attachment, which will shape your child's personality even in adulthood, take a breath and give your daughter the attention she needs, take her out to parks and playgroups and offer her the chance to go out and explore in a safe space close to you :)

My DD was just as you describe at that age. It's a phase and it's very common. Ride it out and do your best to reassure DH that it's not personal and it won't last.

DD is 6 now. Happy and secure. Perfectly content when she trots into school with hardly a backwards glance at me. Spent 4 hours on a bike ride with DH yesterday (they stopped to chocolate and watched a bit of village cricket). DH does most of the "fun" stuff with her and does her bedtime if he's home (4 or 5 times a week). No issues with their attachment whatsoever.

She still prefers me for a cuddle if she is hurt. I am apparently "pleasantly squishy"......

It comes in waves and past week has been particularly clingy. She’s fine in public and I think has very secure attachment- it’s hurtful for myself and my husband when she says these things but we both know it’s not personal and she doesn’t really mean it. I suppose I shouldn’t ever complain that she likes me too much though - she’ll soon not want to know me 😂