Is it possible for a 4 year old to be cunning?

[M2M]

Okay, need a sanity check here. What would you do if your child was being pushed consistently by another child at nursery? This other child claims she's "best friends" with my child yet all I ever hear from the staff is negative stuff like: 'she was pushed by so and so and hit her head on the floor' or 'she was pushed off the slide by so and so and hurt her leg'.

I've raised my concerns with nursery who have said they're keeping a close eye etc. I get that kids shove and push but to cause injury where I have to sign accident forms is just taking the piss surely? My child doesn't understand why her 'best friend' keeps doing this and will often get told she's not allowed to play with her and if this kid doesn't have breakfast then she'll tell my one to follow her and skip breakfast too.

There's a 6 month gap between them, my one is younger and will copy older kids so I've had to tell her to make her own decisions i.e. just because so and so doesn't eat breakfast, don't copy her! I've also told my child if others are mean or push her then don't play with them and play with others instead. My child's been telling her 'best friend' literally: 'my mummy said I'm not allowed to play with you'. This has now upset this other child and she's been crying to her parents about it which resulted in the mum messaging me about it and accusing me of teaching my child to call her bossy and how I've been stopping her from playing with her. I went back to her to clarify its not just her child but ANY child who causes harm or injury to my child.

At first I was offended but then I really cba to go into the details of how her child's been telling my one she's not allowed to play with her consistently. Her parents are fully aware when she's caused injury to others at nursery, she's scratched, pushed and bitten other kids before and their way of justifying it is related to jealousy or anger or just 'working through her feelings'. How the heck is this acceptable behaviour? Are the parents really this blind and in denial or am I just overreacting?

Not all nurseries are like this.

I would move my child in a heartbeat in that situation.

Ps yes a 4 year old can be cunning. Your child is being bullied and the nursery are managing it badly.

I think you're asking the wrong question. Who cares whether a four year old is 'cunning'? She's having a negative effect on your child. regardless of her motivation or conscious intent. The question is what you are going to do about it, surely?

In answer to your post title, I do remember my DS1 absolutely being cunning when he was that age - he was manipulative AF, but never behaved the way this girl is.

In answer to your actual post, the nursery are not protecting your child well. Do you know if they have had other parents complaining? If they have and enough of you say you're going to leave, they may realise action is needed.

Ah, OP - now you’re going to just get a load of people unhelpfully answering the question in your thread title, rather than responding to the actual issue, which is that your child is being bullied.

I would be moving my child, if at all possible.

Sorry all, the title doesn't quite to the post justice, my bad 😔.

We've been with this nursery for the past 3 years and never had any issues until she got moved up to the pre-school room. It's like dog eat dog there it seems. My child starts primary in September and luckily, that other child is going to a different school.

Don't get drawn into anything with the parents! It's on the nursery to sort out, the nursery has the duty of care. Is there more than 1 pre school room, can they move rooms?

Thanks for this, I agree with you, they are definitely managing it badly and I've complained about it directly to them as well as to the nursery manager. It just seems like they're understaffed in the other rooms so the staff from the pre school room often have to help out the other rooms so there's more incidents that occur.

This child leaves the nursery in 2 weeks whereas mine is staying for another month as she starts primary this September. It gives me some form of comfort knowing she won't be there after 2 weeks time so I pray there'll be no more issues for the next 2 weeks...

Thanks for this! I've only just started to speak to some of the mums as their kids will be going to the same primary school as us and they've also mentioned the same thing about their kids being pushed by the same child! The thing is, this child leaves the nursery in 2 weeks time so even if I reported it, it's too late right?

My bad, I was too engrossed in my post to notice the title doesn't quite match 😔. This child leaves the nursery in 2 weeks time but it still concerns me cos who knows what else she's going to do in the next 2 weeks.

No not at all, they are just learning how the world works and all the things adults see as cunning, lying, sneaky are just them experimenting what happens in the world when they do and say different things.
Their social skills are pretty rough at that age! Don't read too much into it.
The main thing is to tell your kids to protect themselves using their words and moving away as appropriate if they don't like something. And if someone is following them even after that to physically stop them. Then the other child will learn that they don't get to do that and still be friends.

I didn't see it this way, that makes a lot of sense. I'm not a perfect parent by far but I'd like to think I teach my child what is good and bad and what boundaries are. The difficult thing is whatever I say to my 4 year old could be translated into something different so I now have to be extra careful with how I phrase certain things.

You're absolutely right, the other child needs to learn (from the parents) that pushing someone will mean they lose friends, I'm just surprised the parents don't seem to realise this.

So true! I don't want to start a war with anyone let alone parents, I managed to avoid the nursery parents WhatsApp group, avoided that like the plague! I was just taken aback by this child's mum messaging me about this seeing as it's her child who's been the menace but is somehow the victim now...

Sorry, forgot to also say there's just the one pre school room so sadly no way to move rooms so I've got my fingers crossed the next 2 weeks is smooth drama free (as she leaves nursery in 2 weeks).