Play dates? What do you do?

[bumblebee2235]

I'm stuck on what you do in this scenario?

Had a play date with baby and another mum at my house..

Child older around 7 and my baby 4 months and poorly. Child ran around, going through drawers, disappearing into other rooms and going through my things. Mum carried on chatting unaware.. but stressed as I have my medication (codeine and private stuff hidden in my bedside drawer)

Then found child rubbing my babies dummy through dirt, disappearing into kitchen and messing with her medicine and bottles...

Bit stressed as I don't know what I have to sterilise now..

As I was burping baby she then joined in and started hitting baby on me (not hard though) then started making nasty comments (but is a child obvs) then started taking my things, when asked to give them back threw them at me...

I'm a bit stressed out haha can I say anything if it's not my child? Like if the mum is ignoring it, do I just bite my tongue then clean everything when they leave? First time having a sort of play date, it's put me off 😅

It is completely normal that a 7YO will be bored and act up in that scenario, where they literally have nothing to do. But that behaviour sounds really really extreme i.e. not normal and gets worse with every update (racist comment wtf?).

By normal I meant that I don’t think any kid I know of that age would sit there nicely and silently when they had no toys or playmate which seems to be what you and the other mum were expecting. Obviously her fault not yours, she really should know better! Normal misbehaving might be interrupting the conversion to try to show you his ninja skills or wandering around aimlessly. Definitely not throwing stuff or making racist comments (I wonder where he’s heard that from?!). And clearly there are no parental boundaries and mum is too lazy to even bring a bag lego or whatever he likes.

I know being a new mum can be lonely but no one needs friends badly enough to go along with that. Sack her off OP.

I would have probably tried to contain everyone to one room - pop a Disney film on for the 7 year old on one side and sat with the mum on the other side.

The mum should have been putting some boundaries in place with her kid, would never let mine run amok. Not sure what either of you expected her to be doing though?

Will be much less stressful for you if you try and socialise with mums with roughly the same age kids. Are there any baby groups in the area you can join? Churches or village halls usually have them. That way it would actually be a play date.

I did try kids tv.. and chatting.. was only an hour 😬

I'm so confused by this.

Who is the woman? Are you actually friends with her? You seem shocked by the way she was and the child and so suggests you're not friends.

It's not normal behaviour for a play date but it wasn't a play date as already established.

It's not your responsibility to provide activities for the child. If a play date scenarios I would have expected you
To have stuff to play with but then you would because the you would have toys of similar age etc.

The fact the mum ignored the child and allowed the behaviour to happen is the reason the behaviour happened.

nothing. or I just tell the person who is misbehaving off, for me the case this is someone's spoiled brat does not mean a lot. I was aupair, my husband is a teacher. You need to tell kids when they misbehave, if the mother is there and does not do it, then what is this whole thing like? LOL - lots of unnecessary useless events which create havoc.

This child sounds horrible and the mother is utterly useless.

There is no way mine would have done that at 7. Firstly because he's been taught to behave and secondly I would have stepped in immediately had he done something!

Don't have them back again would be my suggestion.

It was a family friend sort of suggestion.. it was meant to get me out there and to start mixing haha so only met once before

I only used play date term because I didn't know how to describe it haha bit of a mouthful to title it.. meeting another mum for coffee with child in tow 😂

My house, my rules. I layout clear boundaries for children that are visiting and get down to their level and make sure they understand "you can play in X, Y and Z room you are not to go in A, B and C".I make sure I have some things to entertain them and show them where it is. All children need structure and going to a new place without them is a recipe for disaster as well as the fact if they injure themselves on your property it would be on you. What you can't do is punish them timeouts etc as that's a step too far, but removing things from them or taking them to a more appropriate space is OK.

My DD is a teen now and occasionally her friends will swear and will get a reminder that "we don't use that language in this house" in which case they normally sheepishly apologise.

If you are regularly having children over then invest a colour, sticker or activity books and some felt tips, doesn't have to be expensive just some bits from the works.

I'd be mortified if my 6 year old behaved as you described at someone's house!

But I can't really see why the mum had brought her and nothing to entertain her - clearly she woudlnt be amused by baby toys. If I was expecting my DD to amuse herself I'd have brought a bag with colouring pens, a book etc.

Seems like a thoroughly odd occasion.

Don't do this again. I feel upset for you.

Try to meet up in a neutral place next time, or better still at her house. Don't let this child back!

If you'd like your new friend to visit invite her when the child is at school. 9-2.30.

Her parenting sounds non existent.

I agree. I don’t know any 7 years old who would behave like this.

@bumblebee2235 honestly i get you re the insecurity, It's not silly - kids need to know that words can hurt. I work in a nursery and was called "Mrs Big Tummy" by a preschooler after I told them off and I did have to give my head a bit of a wobble after I felt a bit insecure!! A lot of it is learned behaviour unfortunately. Kids don't naturally resort to nasty personal comments.