Am I a bad mum

[Smull]

I have a 10 year old with autism and a 4 year old. I'm also the carer for MIL who has learning difficulties and diabetes and heart problems.
I also have a couple of mental health conditions, a bowel condition and chronic back pain.
My husband works full time.

I feel like I'm a bad mum most days when my children are home they will have tv on in there bedrooms and play. I see other mums sitting down to do like arts and crafts, board games or out and about every day. We are lucky to do 1 activity a week outside the house. (More so because of my own health I can't safely keep up with the 4 Yr old who has all the energy in the world) so I tend not to take him out unless my husband is with me. Between doing house work and my own health when I do have a spare minute I'm so overwhelmed/overstimulated I just want to time on my own to watch a bit of TV and enjoy quiet.
My children seem happy but I just see all these other parents doing all this stuff with their kids and I just don't know where they get energy or mental head space to be able to do it.

We do have the odd movie together or board game. And 4 year old goes to football once a week I just feel like I should be doing more and I'm failing I don't know where I'm meant to get the energy from to do more

To be honest I think this is the reality of most parents. You've got your hands full, so it's completely understandable in my opinion. You've only got so much energy yourself.

Problem is there's always more you can be doing, so you're always going to feel guilty. It's typical mum guilt.
You say your kids are happy, and your 4 year old goes to football every week.
Sounds fine to me.

The fact that you're managing to look after your MiL as well...

All I will say is don't get too bogged down by what other parents are doing. There are alot of 'supermums' out there. I feel some of it is unnecessary in my opinion but that's a discussion for another thread.

Is it time to speak to adult service to get an assessment of MIL needs and see if you can get some support?

I care a but for my Mum too but I’ve had to put in boundaries so it doesn’t impact too much on my children. I also TOMM for home work when they are at school and don’t do much at the weekend.

Thank you for reading I really appreciate it. We have just been allocated a adult social worker recently and are now applying for a support worker to support her a couple times a week which should be good.

@PeggyPoggle thanks for reading I really appreciate it. I do think sometimes I'm going through more than some of these supermums, I think sometimes you just need to hear off other mums that im doing OK. So thank you x

@Caravanvirgin Thank you for reading I really appreciate it. We have just been allocated a adult social worker recently and are now applying for a support worker to support her a couple times a week which should be good

It sounds like you have an immense amount to cope with and you're doing a great job. Sounds like your children are warm, safe, fed, have some out of the house activities, they are happy. I watched a tonne of TV and did loads of activities on my own, turned out pretty well (professional job, above average intelligence).

I think getting more support for you is vital. Then you can work on building in a bit more family time, and some quality time for yourself. It may also be worth asking for some mental health support from your GP to build up your self esteem.

Look after yourself OP xx

How is your financial situation? Sorry to ask a delicate question, but are you able to afford to outsource some things? It may actually be less stressful for your kids to do activitiesif it gives you time alone... Or get someone in to help around the house some times?

(For context: we have 3 kids at 6,2 and 2 and number 4 on the way. We recently cared for MIL for 3 months while more long term care could be sorted. It was hell. We allgot bugger all sleep and a LOT of TV was watched. Everyone seems to have survived it undamaged!)