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Original poster

4 year old is grinding/ self soothing

14 replies

KathHol80 · 07/07/2023 19:46

I'd be so grateful for any advice or knowledge about this, my 4/5 year old has been essentially grinding herself and makes herself wee in doing so, she does this at home usually when left alone watching TV for a few minutes but has now started doing it in school which is really worrying me & my husband, her teacher has called it self soothing, we have tried reward charts to help her stop, explaining she will make her body sore but nothing seems to work. We have said it's ok to do it if you want to in your room in private but the fact it's happening outside of the home is really worrying. Has this stage happened to anyone else who can shed any light on if she will eventually stop doing it? Or do we need to look at psychological help? Thankyou for any advice

OP posts:
trickortrickier · 07/07/2023 19:50

It's a habit and it does soothe or help her to fall asleep. She will grow out of it - distract and keep reiterating the privacy aspect of it.

Dryshampoofordays · 07/07/2023 19:55

could she be itchy/uncomfortable? My daughter stopped doing this after a course of fungal cream, she was “humping” for itch relief and once she started she went into a little trance and it was hard for her to stop. We thought it was just sensory for a while before asking the drs and they said it could be thrush.

Original poster
KathHol80 · 07/07/2023 20:47

Thankyou for the reassurance, she's had a swab sent off which was negative for query internal thrush, I can't see anything that looks like thrush on outside, the trance thing is what she does, do you know what age do they normally stop the behaviour?

OP posts:
Llamasally · 07/07/2023 20:52

DS age 4 does this and has for a long time. Only when lying down. Usually when tired. Interested also if anyone knows when this will stop!

Iudncuewbccgrcb · 07/07/2023 20:53

I think this is very very normal behaviour but not often spoken about as people are embarrassed about it.

Just tell her it's fine to do at home but not something you do at school.

trickortrickier · 07/07/2023 20:58

It just gradually stops. Mine was quite young when she started - high chairs, car seats, push chairs - would get sweaty and glassy eyed and then usually nod off. It felt like a long time but I would say that by Year 1 it had more or less stopped in public anyway which was fine with me.

moneymatr · 07/07/2023 22:14

My friends son did this. Advise was to not make a big deal of it. It did stop. I'd reiterate the private aspect and not make an issue of it.

Chewbaccaslime · 07/07/2023 22:21

It is actually really common.

My DC are both boys and autistic. But they went through a phase of playing with their willy to self sooth. Was infuriating but they grew out of it. With DS1 especially, it seemed to stop when he changed his underwear from briefs to boxers.

It could be that her underwear or clothing is uncomfortable?

kittycatsmum · 07/07/2023 22:45

Years ago my niece did this.

Started when she was about 2 and it was almost like breast stroke legs the wrong way. She'd do it lying down or sitting and would end up really sweaty. When she started school at 4 and teachers saw her doing it a referral was made with my sill's permission and a psychiatrist saw niece weekly and she happened to stop about age 5, we think due to the professional help she was given if I'm honest.

Unfortunately d niece was hearing/ seeing DV in the home which we since found out.
She couldn't share her feelings as she didn't know how when it first began.
When it stopped was actually around the time her dad moved out. Possible link?
She's now a very successful lady in her late 20's although is very insecure.

I would get your dd talking and expressing herself as much as she can (through lots of ways not just talking- eg dance or art).

Not saying it's the same but sharing my experience.

BananaSpanner · 07/07/2023 22:50

trickortrickier · 07/07/2023 20:58

It just gradually stops. Mine was quite young when she started - high chairs, car seats, push chairs - would get sweaty and glassy eyed and then usually nod off. It felt like a long time but I would say that by Year 1 it had more or less stopped in public anyway which was fine with me.

Exactly the same here, I first noticed my DD doing it as a toddler in the car seat and the high chair. A bit embarrassing if there were people around but she really went for it at bed time and would sort of hump the bed to get to sleep. She’d grown out of it by y1 I think. She doesn’t remember that she used to do it, she’s now 8.

BananaSpanner · 07/07/2023 22:53

Oh and I once confessed to a work friend about it and she said her DD used to do something similar.

Id be giving her the chance to grow out of it before enlisting help or therapy. Just advise her to be private.

BurbageBrook · 08/07/2023 10:27

I wouldn't do reward charts, that's kind of weird and will make her feel ashamed of her body. I would just keep reiterating the privacy aspect and telling her she cannot do it in public.

treacleaustin · 28/07/2023 23:22

Likewise - there was a similar thread about this recently - ds aged 4 humps to sleep on soft toys , has done it since out of nappies . At least he now does it in his room at bedtime rather than on the living room in front of his nan !

Buddy88 · 03/12/2025 19:32

Hi OP- I know this is an old thread but did she grow out of it. Same issue here!

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