Please help with my clumsy/reckless 4yo

[Sweetashunni]

DS is 4 (just). He’s a lovely kid in ways, he has a great sense of humour and just wants everything to be a laugh and exciting all the time. But this plays into the fact he has literally no sense of danger, he seems to find ‘near misses’ thrilling rather than upsetting and I feel like I spend 90% of my time parenting him just stopping him from hurting himself or doing something silly.

For example, when going up the stairs, if I’m behind him he will stretch one leg right up a couple of steps and lean back, knowing I will catch him so he won’t fall. I have told him time and time again not to do this, as one day something will go wrong and there will be an accident. Tonight as we were going up to bed I reminded him not to do it, and told him I couldn’t catch him this time as my arms were full. He walks up nicely until the last few steps when he does it again, and falls flat on his face. Of course he laughed, found the whole thing hilarious. I’m embarrassed to admit I shouted.

The other night I told him not to stand in the bath, turned to get a towel (for literally a second) and he had stood up and slipped over, falling onto his back. More laughter (not mine obviously).

The issue is that due to his recklessness I cannot give him the small freedoms a 4 year old should have. I have to keep stair gates closed, I can’t trust him to just roam the house a bit or even go up to his room to get a toy without going with him. Relatives clearly think I’m an OTT safety obsessed mum when really I’m just trying to stop what would inevitably be a nasty accident.

He goes to nursery and has a few bumps and scrapes but nothing out of the ordinary, so I think he can snap out of it when he wants to.

Any advice please? I’m sick of this house being like his own personal Jackass.

Do you think you’re over parenting him? A four year old should be able to stand up in the bath. As for the stairs just don’t go behind him.

What’s he like at nursery?

If there are no SN here, I agree with PP that you may be doing too much for him.

I have a 3.5 year old who is similarly a risk lover and high energy, but I provide him freedom and independence when I can.

We haven't had stair gates in a year and he often goes upstairs or into his playroom to play by himself.

He stands up in the bath on a bath mat at the end of his bath too.

Maybe if you're less present he'll stop doing "silly" or risky things as much and gain that bit more maturity.

If I didn’t go behind him he would clown around (and does) - he loves to jump down the last 4 or 5(!!) steps, or will try sliding down on his front. I try very hard to relax and not over parent him, but it’s a recipe for disaster.

Nothing reported at nursery, just that he’s a life-and-soul-of-the-party type and is quite excitable.

My 3.5 yo was the same way with stairs - he loved going down with his eyes closed, would try going up on his bike or scooter too. In the end I had no choice but to do a safety assessment & risk him getting hurt. Our stairs aren’t steep or high - the worst that would happen is a broken limb. So the next time he went down with his eyes closed I let him, he fell, landed on the steps, and his attitude to danger improved after that.

Tell him he can jump down the last 3 steps. I would let him slide down.

If he's managing ok at nursery then it sounds like it's something specific to being at home. It could be over parenting, I agree with pp, it wouldn't occur to me to stop a 4 year old standing in the bath! Or maybe he's just learnt that it's the best way to get your attention (you say yourself it 90% of your parenting time)?

It sounds like you need to step back a bit.

Does he do lots of regular exercise? Could you take him to places which allow calculated risk, like Go Ape or a climbing wall? Maybe a martial art would be good for him.

I just worry that if he had an accident I would be blamed or considered negligent!

He gets loads of exercise, full time nursery (it’s a forest school), park at the weekends, long dog walks to the beach or up on the moor, he has a scooter. I’m happy for him to tear around the place and climb on the sofa for example, it’s just messing about in the bath and on the stairs that are the main issue, things like that.

That's a slightly odd concern OP.
Blamed by who? His dad?

Over parenting isn't the answer as you just get a stressed out mum and kid who is constantly pushing against you.

If my DS was acting the monkey on the stairs and I warned him not to and he fell, he's the one in the wrong! They're not old enough to fully appreciate the potential danger but they're old enough to know to listen when we say No. He should 100% be able to walk (or run or slide!)up and down stairs at his age.

My daughter is like this. The other day in the playground she zoomed past me, yelling, “I love being four because I can do really dangerous things!” Realised she was running full pelt with her eyes closed, for the thrill.

The difference is she’s accident prone at nursery too. Her accident form is more like a box file. We were once phoned three times in one day.

She doesn’t mess on the stairs though because I use my Exorcist voice and go apeshit; messing around in the bath results in the water being let out, I lift her out, and do Stern Bedtime.

I don’t think it’s odd at all, if you let your kid wander about with some kind of injury a lot of the time, people would begin to question why wouldn’t they? And their first thought would be negligent parents rather than a child who seems to think they’re Johnny Knoxville. And yes I know he should be able to do those things but I posted because he can’t.

@bussteward haha, much like me! I know exactly what you mean by stern bedtime… I don’t want to be shouty and a killjoy but equally I want him to keep his teeth and not end up at A&E! 😢

I really don't think most people would think 'negligent parents' if they saw a four year old with a bumped head or a grazed knee or something. They all hurt themselves constantly at that age.

The thing is he isn't routinely coming back from nursery badly injured so he can keep himself safe when trusted to. Has he ever actually had a bad accident or are you just living in fear that he might?

My daughter is like this. The other day in the playground she zoomed past me, yelling, “I love being four because I can do really dangerous things!”

😂 I love it!