Normal to feel this anxious and school start

[Kadyrose]

My DS is due to start school in September, I had been feeling ok about this until the last few weeks. I'm suddenly feeling very anxious about him starting and not being ready. DS born in August and will likely be one of the youngest in the class. Nursery has said he is ready and not to worry. I've started trying to teach him phonics and basic sums as I'm so worried he'll be behind ones nearly a year older. Nearly everytime I try to teach him I end up shouting at him as he doesn't pay attention and then I feel terrible and worried I'm going to make him hate learning. Is this normal to worry, my DH has said I am being ridiculous and doesn't seem concerned. Other parents I speak to are all excited for their ones to start school which makes me feel even worse, anyone else have an August child and feel sick with worry or just me

Title should say anxious about school start

Stop trying to teach him. Its not necessary at all. I remember trying to do the same with my ds and it was a disaster. They don't expect the kids to know their alphabet perfectly. They will teach them and they know how to get the kids engaged and interested. Just enjoy your summer together. Make sure he is confident with going to the toilet independently and getting changed and doing his shoes up...that's all you need to do imo.

It doesn't like you're teaching him appropriately, no offence? Children learn through play. You don't need to be teaching him phonics before he starts reception, he can learn it there.

I think it is normal to be dead anxious about a child starting school anyway though, lots of the mums I know are.

My eldest is summer born and will be starting this year too, but at 5 as we didn't think she was ready last summer. Ive never really made any particular effort to teach phonics or anything though, what shes learned on that front has come from her preschool.

I didn't realise deferral was an option but everyone keeps saying he is ready and capable and he is excited to go to big school.
It's hard to work out what his peers know going in. I know they do a baseline assessment and don't want him to be bottom or labelled right from the get go you know? Want him confident from the start

I bought some reception phonics and numbers book which I'm trying to encourage him to work though, just simple counting and writing

My boys are end of July and November, and honestly my summer born was far more ready than his autumn brother. Just because he's the youngest doesn't mean he'll be behind.

Ditch the books. Learning happens all the time and your DC will likely learn better when it happens more organically.

"Let's see if we can line your teddies up from smallest to biggest"
"How many apples can you see in the fruit bowl? And how many are there when we take one away?"

Etc...

This is not really how children are taught in reception. They don't sit down with workbooks and just do pages of work. It is play based learning nowadays. My dcs school did a parents workshop...they moulded letters out of playdoh and wrote numbers with their fingers in sand etc.

It's normal to be a bit anxious.
But I don't think you're helping with the teaching. I think the best ways to prepare your child for school is in practical ways - can they dress themselves, get their coat on and off, do up shoes? Recognise their name? Talk to them about listening and taking turns. Go to the toilet by themselves?

Don’t worry about trying to teach him anything academic.

focus on things like being able to use cutlery, putting on his own coat and key skills like that. The academics will come with time

With all due respect OP, calm down! No one is going to label him and they definitely don't rank kids! Forcing him to do "school work" (air quotes as it's not how they learn at school) is much more likely to put him off enjoying learning and dent his confidence than him being the youngest. And please don't shout at him, these are your anxieties, not his problem.

Have you had any information evenings? At ours they emphasised things like children being able to get dressed and undressed and eat using cutlery as things parents could/ should teach their preschooler before going to Reception. They specifically stated they are not expected to be able to read! And this is an Ofsted Good school in a middle class area, not a failing school in a deprived area.

Ditch the studying or you risk him hating learning at school.

If you want to do something then focus on the self care angle. Can he change his clothes? Wipe himself after a poo? Put on his coat and shoes?

Also play things that will strengthen his writing muscles. If you do a search then look for activities that will strengthen both his fine and gross motor skills. (Fine is his hand, gross is his whole arm) If he's at nursery they are probably doing stuff like that with him but I remember our nursery setting up activities like painting a fence with water for gross motor skills.

I have an August born back when you couldn't defer and he coincidentally made friends with summer borns who were at the same stage as him.

It's fine not being able to read and write before Reception. Focus on enjoying the summer as the winter term is long and often dark after school.

Stop trying to teach; it's a skill you clearly haven't got. He's got a long way to go in understanding numbers before "sums". Your notion of phonics from workbooks is off the wall.

Stop judging and measuring your child against others, It's pointless.

Your h is right to say chill. You'll he'll regret not enjoying the summer

Please stop trying to teach him, it's not necessary and it sounds stressful for you both.

Look at practical skills - can he dress and undress himself, including tricky buttons, zips, shoes etc?

Can he use a knife and fork and knows what is expected table manners at mealtimes, knows how to clear his plate etc?

Drink from an open cup without spilling? Pour from a larger jug into a cup?

Does he know how to recognise his own belongings in a pile of other people's?

Can he use the toilet totally independently (including a passable attempt at wiping his bum?) Is he confident using communal type toilets (e.g. public toilets)?

You can work on these things in a fun way totally stress free (positive reinforcement, games) and they will be useful to him. It doesn't matter if they aren't 100% but the closer you can get to these things being mastered will be helpful.

Remember that there will be kids coming into reception who have never been read to, whose parents don't engage them in conversation, who don't know how to count. He probably knows all of these things already. He is lucky. He won't be behind.

He'll be absolutely fine. Nursery are experts in kids this exact age, they would know for sure if he was going to struggle, either socially, emotionally or academically.

Top tips for helping your child to learn: some children get it wrong A LOT of times before they get it right. Little and often, and a load of patience are the best tactics. Do a few Phonics every day- never as you testing him, but just you saying them to him. This is how they do it at school (all sat on the carpet, teacher says the sound, kids copy. Some get it first time, some get it second time, some get 58th time, they all get it in the end).

Yeah, I get that, that was partly why we didn't send our DC at 4 tbh. Going to school at 5 is an option (assuming you're in England?) but it can be a bit of a slog depending on where you are in the country. Where I live it's really easy and straightforward though and I know a few others who have done that for their older summer borns.

Also, read him good quality books with a range of vocabulary. Take him to museums, and talk about what you see. Take him to the woods and explain about different trees etc. The most powerful thing you can do to help your child is to talk to them.

Why are you shouting at your three year old about school work??

Ditch the books and enjoy your summer

If you want to get him ready for school encourage him to be able to do these things-
toilet himself independently
Be able to take his own jumper, coat and shoes on and off independently
sit still for 10 minutes and listen to a story
follow a few simple instructions
write his own name
count to 10
cut using scissors
draw a person
school will teach him the other stuff

You do realise that they go to school to learn all of this stuff?!

They are not expecting your child to be a genius. And if they are then it is a shit school. When my DC started Reception they preferred it when parents hadn't taught them beforehand. Mainly because parents didn't do it in the same way as school so they had to 'unlearn' the parent's method.

Stop trying to teach him.

If you want to do useful stuff then make sure he can do as many of these as possible:

• put on own coat and shoes right way round
• turn coat right way around
• recognise his name if it's written down
• go to toilet and wash hands independently
• wait his turn
• take turns
• ask for help
• kind hands and feet (ie no hitting or kicking)
• sit still(ish) for a story or similar for up to 10 minutes,
• take off clothes for PE and put PE kit on, and vice versa
• say please and thank you
• talk to unknown safe adults

If he can do all of the above the teachers will think he's fabulous. However note that as he is young there may be things he just isn't ready for yet.

Thanks, he can do all of the above I'm pretty sure. He's a very smart child according to nursery but being young just makes me worry for him. I know if he had another year in nursery again he would be miles ahead of where he is now starting so the ones turning 5 will be at an advantage. Agree I can't teach at all, don't know how the teachers do it especially with so many young ones!

If he can do most of my list then he is well set up to learn when he gets to school.

Don't put him off learning by trying to teach phonics and maths ahead if it just causes upset.

You can do other things such as counting everything, watching alphablocks (accidentally with no comment from you about it being learning), learning about the world around you, being curious.

When he starts at school then help him practice at home if he is ready. Being young, he may not be.