Accidentally naturally pregnant during IVF

[Groomofthestool]

I'm in a mess

DH and I had a failure of contraception and I am 5 weeks pregnant.

There are many reasons I can't let myself be happy about this.

1. Mostly, DH has a serious genetic bone condition prevalent in his family. The family members who have this all lead good lives but suffered through many surgeries in puberty (10-20), pain, bullying etc. Any baby we have has a 50/50 chance of having it.

1. Because of this we were doing IVF and testing embryos for the condition, only selecting the ones without it for transfer. I had a failed transfer and only have one more in the freezer. This is our last round- testing the embryos almost doubles the cost and we cannot afford another round. Dh's parents paid for us and all his siblings to do one round of IVF. That is £25k. They have paid all this and now we have thrown it away by potentially having a baby with genetic condition. How do I tell them?!

1. I have two DC already, without the condition. Scared about how this one baby could feel let down, and have to do ivf themselves in the future...

1. During previous pregnancies I had several mini strokes, this became apparent in the last transfer cycle when it happened again. We had to pause ivf while I wait to see neurologist as clinic deemed it to dangerous to get pregnant again.

1. Dad died in March. Same day as my transfer and to be honest since then I'd lost all passion for a third baby and was considering walking away from last embryo in the freezer.

F*!

Not sure what I'm looking for or why I'm posting really.

Speak to the clinic. They might be able to get you a referral for early scans (way before the NHS) to determine if the child has the condition.

I know it's early and could easily end in miscarriage over the next few weeks and feel awful thinking that at least that would take it out of my hands

Really sorry, didn’t want to read and run. Is it possibly an option at all, both medically and something that you could live with that you can get an early CVS to test the baby and have a termination for medical reasons if it’s something you would consider?
But it sounds like a pregnancy and third child is really hard for you. Is this your DH first child? Don’t worry about a future child having to have IVF. Does your DH have the condition and how has it affected his life?

I should have said, the only way to test for the condition would be a needle through the womb to take a sample

I don't have any advice just really hope this works out well for you

@12RedRoses

I have done that for my first pregnancy, which had hunters syndrome, when things started to go wrong at 16 weeks and I found the needle quite traumatic.

The thing is, we wouldnt abort a baby with the condition. DH lives a good life now despite some knee issues, and previous unpleasant years. He has many scars but is strong and has never really been 'unhappy'. He was banned from sport as a kid which I know was a struggle for him.

Yes my first two DDs are with DH. DD1 we were lucky, dd2 we did ivf to be sure.

Thanks for the replies. There's no answer really apart from wait it out I guess

That’s really difficult. I had a condition that I would have terminated for, and if the only option would have been cvs or amniocentesis to make that decision then I would have gone ahead, but not if I would have continued the pregnancy.
So taking the condition aside, it’s whether medically you think with the stroke risk you want to continue the pregnancy or whether you want a third child, or if you think you are against having a termination so it’s more just coming to terms and getting early medical support. What does your DH think?