3 year old ASD. Won’t eat anything!!

[Onedayatatime13]

My 3 year old is non verbal and has a diagnosis of ASD. He literally won’t eat! He used to be such a good eater now he eats ham and that is it!! I’ve tried putting ham into meals but makes no difference he just picks the ham out. He will also only drink from a bottle and only milk will drink nothing else and from nothing else! Finding it so difficult he’s hungry and crying but only thing he will take is ham morning to night. I really would appreciate some advice on this from anyone that’s been through it. Also getting comments from strangers when out how he shouldn’t be on a bottle at his age like I don’t already know that!! But he honestly won’t drink from anything else and will just go into complete meltdown when I offer something else !

Have you tried speaking to a paediatric dietitian. Our daughter isn't ASD but has at point's been an incredibly fussy eater and it's quite little for her age.

I saw a lady called Angharad Banner when she was 14 months and it made an amazing difference and saved my sanity. She's also gained weight more consistently since. It was £80 for the first appointment she is on goggle and does online appointments.

I sympathize with you it's absolutely awful when you can't get them to eat x

Hi please try not to stress. Taking the pressure off him and yourself will help.
Don’t hide accepted foods in other foods as this won’t help.

Our daughter had an extremely rigid restrictive brand specific diet for years. She was diagnosed with autism and SPD aged 3.

Don’t listen to others judging and keep the bottle. Had years of “ give her to me for a week she will soon eat.” Not helpful.
Most dieticians just don’t have the expertise.

We had allsorts of input nothing helped. Eventually we were recruited for a documentary years ago so she got to see the excellent authors of this book. Progress didn’t happen over night.
Clinical Psychologists and experts in this area. Any advice from them is the way forward.

You can look at SPD diagnosis and look into ARFID. There is a FB group for parents.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Avoidant-Children-including-Spectrum-Conditions/dp/1785923188/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?keywords=arfid+book+gillian+harris&qid=1688731674&sr=8-1

https://infantandtoddlerforum.org/health-childcare-professionals-factsheets/

Dr Harris had input into these
look at 2.1 2.2 and 2.3

Look into arfid. Try as much as possible to keep relaxed and not worry about what others say

Hey. I'm an autistic adult.
First thing is read up on ARFID
Offer the safe food continuously. Don't hide it in anything else otherwise you risk that food no longer being safe.
Start introducing something similar. Just one food extra. Maybe a slice of cheese of similar. Separate dish but on the table. Keep offering only that one extra food every time the safe food is given. If it's explored/touched etc, don't make a big praise reaction so that food isn't involved with sensory overload.
If you are getting nowhere with it after potentially a couple of months then take a week of safe food only and then try a different new food.

Most dieticians that understand autism/ARFID are really happy if they can get you to a stage of at least one carb, one protein and one fruit or veg. (When I'm overloaded, I'll be on cheese toasties and apple sauce three times a day for at least a few weeks).

Take it slowly. Good luck.

Google ARFID common in children that are ND.

This isn't about fussy eating. It's about safe foods. Ones that bring comfort - like a stim. I would say don't discourage it and let him have the food that you know he will definitely eat. If you're going to see a dietician then make sure they have an understanding of ARFID and not try to get you to push food onto him that will overload him.

As for the bottle, my son (who is now 15) had a bottle all the time until he was nearly 5. He would only drink milk. The milk actually fills them up and if you can get a multivitamin liquid that has no taste into the milk then you can ensure he's at least getting some nuitrition.

It's hard having a ND child and it's hard for people with NT children to understand a lot of the behaviours. 💐

Thank you all for your replies il have a look at ARFID. And for quite a while now we’ve gone the path of not making a big deal about meals allowing him to just have what he wants and we do pop vitamins in his bottle every night. But as times gone on he seemed to have less and less like no longer take a yogurt and I started to doubt that me just giving him the one meal was making it worse. We will continue to offer other foods but this can really cause a meltdown especially if he’s hungry so will take the advice of just popping on an extra plate at the side so he has the option of it. I wish he could speak to me about what it is that’s putting him off food and how I can help him it’s so difficult with he being non verbal but thanks for your replies I appreciate them all x

OP, I’ve been where you are. This first happened to us when my little boy was 2.5ish, just stopped eating and would just lie on the floor all day long. We took him to the doctors who did a blood test and he was iron deficient due to limited diet. We were put on iron supplements and had a referral to a dietician. I’ll be honest, the dietician has not done anything. I haven’t been able to make him eat. But I don’t worry about it or let it consume me as it did at the start. He eats his safe foods as much or as little as he wants. It’s no big deal, we don’t make a fuss over food. At one point we would sit him with his iPad with a range of safe snacks to see what he would eat. Beige food and plain, crispy food is our friend! Good luck, I remember how hard it was. If it helps- our life is now great. Little boy is four and pre-verbal, just started babbling and saying things like mam, dad, car, hiya. Loves fruit and veg! 😮

Acknowledge that this is where you’re at right now. Get him the best ham you can, give him a multivitamin every day.

my son was like this, we kept eating together as a family and gradually he improved.

I would also add, that as this is an anxiety issue - how is his sleep? My son was non verbal and non eating or sleeping (asd) and we were given melatonin which meant that his sleeping improved then so did his anxiety and then his eating fell into place. Good luck.

I have two DS with ASD who are now 9 and 7 (9 year old talks to an extent, 7 year old a handful of words) and we have been so up and down over the years with food (as well as everything else). My eldest's worst time was the year he started school as going from nursery with set rotation of meals, knew what he liked, to whole new environment.

Lots of great advice already given but just wanted to say I understand.

Most important thing is to shut your ears to 'advice' from anyone who isn;t either the parent of an autistic child or a specialist. Because they haven't a clue. I got so frazzled, being told he was being naughty, I was spoiling him, if he;s hungry he'll eat etc. All rubbish.

Give him lots of bottles of milk, if that's all he'll take (DS had bottles until age 5.) See if you can get one that is higher calorie, or mix some single cream into it (half a teaspoon the first time, introduce it in teensy amounts so he doesn't notice and increase the amount every three days or so.) Add Abidec vitamin drops to the milk. You could even blend a single slice of banana puree into the milk and see if he notices. If not, add a slice with every bottle and after a week, add another slice - really tiny amounts.

See if you can interest him in novelty food. DS started eating a wider range of food by us allowing him to eat ultra-processed rubbish. If he even eats a Macdonald's chip, say "Oh that will make you strong and healthy!" Or a biscuit.

Try some reverse psychology, by saying very calmly, " I know you only eat ham and milk and they are both very good for you, but if you ever want to have lots of energy for running around did you know that pasta is brilliant for that. You don't have to have it, but if you want some running around energy, I'll leave some here on the table." Then leave some cooled down al dente pasta - maybe even cooked lasagne sheets cut into strips and cooled as their texture is quite a lot like ham. And you could do the same with some very basic pizza. Cut a small slice of margerita and say: This is your energy food.

Then gradually, very casually, explain what other foods do - sliced cheese (choose edam or cheddar ready sliced with a texture like ham again) to give strong bones, fruit smoothies or fruit to make his skin strong etc.

For us it was a really painfully slow process - very stressful - and we didn't manage to get DS to eat enough for many years resulting in him being quite tiny as an adult. But we never gave up and now he eats a massive range of food, more than many neurotypical people. The key thing was to offer stuff very casually about 200-400 times without expecting him to eat it (unlike the NT 10-20 times) and not to say any food was better than any other. We commented very casually (not praising) that any new food he tried would make him strong and clever and happy.

Hi all i posted this back in july. But things have got worse! 7 days ago DS stopped eating his safe food. He will drink milk and has had yogurts and rice cakes at nursery but nothing at home. There is talk of referring him to a feeding tube. Is there ANYTHING at all to help his eating pick up. Or Any advice at all. I feel so sad for him! The stress is becoming unbareable!

Have you tried feeding him rubbish foods - ultraprocessed things like Angel delight or mr whippy ice cream? This was the advice to us the SALT team. Give him sugary sweets - crisps - anything he shows interest in. I think DS ate wotsits and blueberry rice baby food for about six months. Then only humous. Nothing else. Forget health for now - just get the calories in. It worked for us a bit. It is so stressful.

I did used to manage to sneak miniscule things into his mouth while he was playing or watching tv. A postage stamp sized piece or bread with a smear of cream cheese or butter and jam.

I thought of almost nothing else for bloody years! I feel for you. We avoided the tube but it was a close call.

@SoWhatEh thanks. We will keep trying he had never eaten snacky foods like crisps etc ever. He just doesnt like them. Same with ice cream, biscuits etc. makes it so much harder hes an absolute nightmare to try and feed also!! Wont let me get near. Will keep trying hopefully find something that he will take. He used to love the baby rice pudding when he was younger may go out and get some and see if he will eat it. Probably going to be a case of trying to get it onto his lips to taste it and then want it did your LO pick up with his eating eventually x

Yes the baby rice pudding was all DS would eat for ages. At least it had blueberry puree in it in those days! You could try going back to baby foods for a while.

With his milk, if he isn't dairy intolerant, you could add a teaspoon of single cream to each bottle of milk. And Abidec vitamin drops. If he tolerates this, each week increase the quantity of cream by a teaspoonful in each bottle as this is a way of getting easy calories into him.

I can't tell you how much I feel for you. I still get a sort of weak panicky feeling now, 20 years later, thinking back to those times. It was a really tough battle getting him to eat anything and then getting him to extend the range. Looking back, I am so glad I never gave up as he now eats fairly normally and avoids foods he has ARFID issues with, just as anyone avoids food they don't like.

One thing I learned was to explain to him what food was for: 'Milk and ham make you strong. Rice cakes give you energy for playing. So do breadsticks. There are some here - if you want some energy - help yourself' (Put the control for what goes in his mouth onto him) 'Biscuits give you very quick energy if you need some right now. (Try baby biscuits or rich tea fingers or rusks as they melt in the mouth so may not have such textural problems.) So do sweets. I can unwrap that Freddie bar if you need some quick energy. Vegetables and fruit help you stay healthy so bad germs can't make you feel ill. If you want to fight the baddy germs, there are some slices of pear on the table or banana rice pudding.'

Honestly it took me years to get to that stage - I won't lie. But we just kept trying everything. If he likes yoghurt sometimes, try different flavours. Take him shopping and let him choose - he might get persuaded by children's yoghurt advertising. (But DS would choose stuff for the look of it and refuse to eat it which was very frustrating,)

I don't know if this has happened to you but I had a real problem with eating at the time because he wouldn't. I felt guilty eating when my son was starving himself. I had to get over this and demonstrate real enjoyment of food in front of him so that he saw it was a source of pleasure to lots of people. Eventually, that made him curious.

As scary as it is don’t think of a feeding tube as a bad thing. My son has had one for nearly 5 years now and it has been a life saver. He actually eats more orally now he did for a long time before as there was no pressure to eat.

if your on Facebook look for the arfid parent carers group it’s fantastic