Toddler aggression

[yacyam]

I have a two year old who is generally incredibly sweet and kind and gentle except for whenever he needs to be washed or changed (clothes or nappy). It’s almost as if he’s having a seizure, he thrashes around so hard and headbutts and kicks as hard as he can. This has been getting gradually worse for about six months to the point we sometimes don’t leave the house because I don’t know how to manage this behaviour and get him dressed without adding to his chaos. He has recently started hitting out very intentionally with his hand as well if he doesn’t get his own way ie I won’t give him ice cream for breakfast. I will try and remove myself from him but he will literally chase me trying to hit me. He can bloody hurt as well!! This can happen five times within an hour of waking and I’m so sick of it. I’ve tried all the advice I can find but nothing is working and if anything it’s just getting worse and more frequent. Getting really beaten down because he’s doesn’t seem to be like this with his dad. I gentle parent so none of this is modelled behaviour and I am just out of resources to deal with it

How does his dad parent him? And does he go to nursery and, if so, how is his behaviour there? If he's not like it with his dad, it might be worth exploring your different approaches.

My eldest used to do this, I found different ways to distract with clothes changing. E.g. I'd go in her room with a snack and she'd eat the snack whilst I changed her! Nappy we'd changing standing up with pulls up and same for clothes. Or I'd get her changed standing up in front of the telly. If it was a poo I'd do it laying down with her head on a cushion in a position that she could see the telly.

We toilet trained her at 26 months and her hatred of nappy changes was the main reason we got the potty out to try it. She was pretty easy to toilet train, I think she was very motivated as she hated having her nappy changed! So that solved that battle for us.

For the hitting, she only did that when in a bad tantrum so the strategies were more about trying to avoid those in the first place. Where this wasnt possible, I'd tell her no and like you'd I'd remove myself. Like your DS shed follow me around often and sometimes continue to hit, I'd keep removing myself and saying no etc. If she still wouldn't stop I'd warn her I'd have to put her in her bedroom with the gate closed as I couldn't let her hit me and if she still continued I would do that for 2 minutes and then go back up and offer cuddles and try and calm down etc. She never continued to do it once I'd gone up to get her. I hated doing that and it would still take ages to calm her down though.

Have you considered some different parenting techniques. Gentle parenting might not be right for him.

I gentle parent so none of this is modelled behaviour and I am just out of resources to deal with it

Try being a tad less gentle.

A firm no and move him away from you.