Two boys & Two girls sharing a room

[ConcernedDad01]

Hi I'm after some advice on how to deal with this situation.

my ex wife has her partner moving in to our house soon. we both own 50% of the property.
its 3 bed and her partner has 3 kids.

They have decided that my two sons (11&8) will share a room, divided by a large Ikea Kalax unit, with two of the daughters (6&8). the third child (12) who was born a boy and now identifies as a girl, who has behavioural issues, will have a room to herself.

whats the law here. more so as they are NOT siblings.

If you specifically want to know the law, there's a legal matters section on here.

Im sure it would be classed as overcrowded and not in the best interests of the children.

That sounds like a recipe for disaster and will not work for an extended period. I don’t know what the legal view is sorry but I know I wouldn’t be happy with it. They need a bigger house and that’s unarguable.

Sounds like a recipe for disaster. As a short term solution I'd say your two boys share and the boyfriends 3 children share. Seems very strange that your 11 year old son has to now share and a 'new to the house' 12 year old boy can have his own room.

How often do you have your sons at yours?

Sounds unlikely to work for any length of time.
How big is the room? Will it be bunk beds?
Do the children get any personal space?
In a big bedroom for a short period of time while they look for a bigger property it might be ok.
The alternative might involve your children living with you all the time. Is that actually a possibility?
You’re probably going to have to go through courts and social services to actually do anything about it.
Historically children have lived and been successfully brought up in such crowded circumstances but it’s very unusual nowadays and definitely frowned upon.

I would really not be happy with that. Especially in a year or two when they've all got a bit older- that's a 13yo boy in a room with an 10yo girl. Not ok.

I think maybe having your sons at yours much more of the time (or all the time) is the best solution.

As an aside, I think you owning a share in the house is not relevant (unless you're considering trying to force a sale?)

There’s no law about this; people can do what they want in their homes but if the council give someone a home they can’t expect different genders to share over a certain age.
it does sound like a recipe for disaster though and I’d be considering if she’s putting your children’s needs first or her wish to have her partner there

Another solution might be the girls sharing a room and all three boys in the other room, with the kallax partition. I'd be marginally happier with that. Depending on the 12yo's behavioural problems you mentioned.

How often are the children together in the house? How many nights are your 2 boys with you and how many nights do your ex's partners kids spend with their mother?

whats the law here. more so as they are NOT siblings.

There is no law and for the regulations that do exist not being siblings isn't taken into account.

Social and private landlords would class it as overcrowding. However if the home is privately owned then people can do what they like.

I looked up the rules for some social landlords in London a few weeks ago. Children under 10 can share with children of the opposite sex. Children over 10 should only share with children of the same sex. Once you become an adult then you should have your own room unless you are part of a couple. However there is nothing stopping a parent sharing with their child/children.

OP is there any reason you haven't forced a sale of the home so you can have a clean break?

The home is actually too big for your wife and two sons. They only need two bedrooms.

You are not responsible for housing her partner's children, which you are doing if they move in due to maintenance on the property.

My advice is definitely sell the house and spilt money 50:50.

The proposal you suggest is an awful one. There is no way I would agree to that.

I would have thought that the two boys sharing the smallest room, then the two girls in the larger room, with Kallax separating them from the child who identifies as a girl. This is best in terms of gender split, and also best as all the siblings share, and no step siblings are sharing.

But ultimately, its up to your ex and her partner how they allocate the rooms, unless your children raise it as a concern to you.

It baffles me why the new partner and kids are moving in when there's quite clearly not enough room.

Says a lot about the new partner....