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Original poster

Child benefits

7 replies

Og2015 · 05/07/2023 23:12

So my ex partner and I split last month. Im a single dad who doesn't earn that much. I have my child 4 to 5 over nights per week due to her work commitments (She does shifts early, lates and nights) so her work schedule is constantly changing and I have to work around her availability.
I am currently living with at my parents home and looking and renting my own place. When I mentioned about universal credits and child benefits as I have him more than her and I physically can't afford to get my own place qith out the support. I was basically told il see you in court, that she is unprepared to give them up. I tried to explain that if I am having my son 4 to t nights per week, I am the primary care giver and it is unsuitable for me to be staying with parents as I need to provide a stable home for him. Now I'm getting a back last of you are trying to ruin me, this is financial abuse etc. When all I am trying to do is provide a safe and loving environment for my son. Its not malicious or personal and I really do not want to go down the route of courts etc.
She has even mentioned about me paying her maintenance and telling her family friends to run me down that I am refusing to pay maintenance. I have worked all my life and have never had benefits before and I dont really understand how it all works etc.
Can someone give me some advice, as a dad, am I wrong or not entitled to these benefits when I have to provide for my son so much.

OP posts:
Babyroobs · 05/07/2023 23:16

Only one of you can claim the benefits for your son unless you can come to an agreement between you that one claims and gives half to the other ( sounds unlikely). It does usually go on the amount of nights that a child is with the parent. You can always make a counter claim and let a decision maker decide who should get the benefits but be prepared to show evidence of how often you have your child overnight.

Babyroobs · 05/07/2023 23:17

Also I'm sure your ex is just trying to provide a safe and stable home too.

Original poster
Og2015 · 05/07/2023 23:45

I'm not disputing that she is trying to provide a safe environment but its hardly stable when her work hours constantly change (no fault of her own, thats her job) maybe family mediation or something would be benefit to us. But I'm sure neither of us would like social workers involved

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ArcticSkewer · 05/07/2023 23:50

What do you think she would do if you applied for the benefits? Would she drop hours at work or change jobs in order to have her son overnight more? You've only separated for a month so there isn't an established routine yet.

From what you've written, you would be entitled to claim (have you checked you are eligible). It doesn't sound like she is willing to be reasonable right now though

Original poster
Og2015 · 06/07/2023 00:03

I suppose that is the issue. I am trying to keep things amicably but she perceives everything as a personal attack on her. Highlighting that I am living with my parents etc you have it easy. I've tried to explain that this is just short term, I am viewing properties to rent, but its so expensive, cost of living is through the roof and to be honest, she doesn't even get benefits for him as she earns to much. She only recieves the statuary child benefit. No working tax credits or universal credit as she earns to much. Its this attitude of, you'll not take my son from me. The relationship was good for 7 or 8 years. Its only the last couple of years that communication broke down. We both had a good life with no abuse towards each other, but its as if she thinks she is giving away all her rights if I had the benefits.

OP posts:
oviraptor21 · 06/07/2023 00:09

If you have your DS more than your ex does then yes, you would be awarded the child element of UC and the child benefit. Some parents come to an agreement where one gets the child benefit and one gets the UC.
Family mediation sounds like it might work for you. It doesn't involve social workers. Have a look at the family mediation voucher scheme. You may be eligible.

ArcticSkewer · 06/07/2023 03:24

It's a shame that, if she isn't even eligible herself, she is so unhappy about you claiming the benefits. It must be a psychological thing where it threatens her position as 'main carer'. Her son would only benefit from more money.

Family mediation sounds a good idea. Good luck

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