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Parenting

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Original poster

Who should go to awards ceremony

28 replies

Kayos10 · 05/07/2023 20:19

I'm in a really awkward situation with 3 parents wanting to go to our daughters awards ceremony but only 2 parents allowed.

A bit of background - I split with my daughter's dad when she was 2, I met her step dad a year later and we married when she was 6. Fast forward to now, daughter is nearly 15 and I have also split with her step dad but he still remains a huge part of her life and we still pretty much share parental responsibility. Her dad has been in her life but has had minimal input into her upbringing. He sees her around 6 times a year for weekends here and there so is pretty much the fun aspect but not much more. He does call her weekly too. He regularly thanks step dad for all he has done and respects that he has raised his daughter for him.

Daughter has been invited to an awards ceremony at school and tonight whilst on the phone to her dad she invited him along. Step dad is already aware and is also excited to go. Looking at the invitation it states that there are only 2 guests allowed with the child.

What do I do? Let step dad down which will cause a huge row between us?

Tell daughter her dad can't come which I know will upset her? She said that he never gets to go to these things and she wants him there.

Give up my seat?? Obvs I want to go but this would be the peace keeping option.

Help.

OP posts:

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WickedUsername · 05/07/2023 20:22

You could call the school and see if they would possibly be flexible and allow a 3rd person?

veryfluffyfluff · 05/07/2023 20:23

She's 15 let her choose who she wants to go. Your DH is a grown ass adult who has surely got to be able to understand the situation without sulking

JassyRadlett · 05/07/2023 20:23

Honestly, it needs to be what she wants, not about what anyone else wants. She wants her dad and, I assume, you there.

So what if her step dad kicks off? That's his issue. Fine to be disappointed, not fine to make it All About Him rather than about her, and even worse if he tries to take the shine off her achievement.

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SoftAsABearsElbow · 05/07/2023 20:25

If the school won't allow three the. I agree that your daughter gets to choose who she wants.

Quartz2208 · 05/07/2023 20:26

Your daughter wants you and her Dad there - check whether you can get another ticket although I suspect it will just be two as you can’t be the only family with this issue

why would he kick off - do you have other children. He needs to respect her decision

TinyTeacher · 05/07/2023 20:27

You can ask the schoolif it is possible to make an exception. They have to put a limit on it so they know how many chairs to put out and to avoid having lots of siblings/grandparents.

If it's not, it needs to be you and dad. Partly because it's his right to go. But your DD has expressed a wish he comes. The stepdad will have to step aside on this occasion.

Lejuge28 · 05/07/2023 20:30

Let your daughter decide, she is 15. But if she chooses not to then you and her dad I would say.

SirChenjins · 05/07/2023 20:34

She’s already invited her dad - there’s no wondering to be had, she’s made her decision (which I presume includes you too?)

You could try phoning the school and see if they have a third ticket but if not then her step dad will have to step aside and keep his feelings on the matter to himself.

Cas112 · 05/07/2023 20:36

Ask your daughter who the other person to go should be

idliketogetdownnow · 05/07/2023 20:36

It's a school event, not the coronation. I'm sure they can squeeze an extra chair in for you if you explain the situation (or even just turn up).

LobsterCrab · 05/07/2023 20:37

I agree that at age 15 it's up to her.

1stepforward2stepsback · 05/07/2023 20:37

Just all 3 turn up. I’m sure they can squeeze one in. Some people won’t attend, or won’t use both tickets. Stating 2 per child is to prevent lots of siblings and grandparents.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 05/07/2023 20:38

Did your dd know she is only allowed two?

PaigeMatthews · 05/07/2023 20:39

idliketogetdownnow · 05/07/2023 20:36

It's a school event, not the coronation. I'm sure they can squeeze an extra chair in for you if you explain the situation (or even just turn up).

This

Fakeairpodsfakeoodie · 05/07/2023 20:41

I bet apart from 2 seconds your DD is on stage it'll be dull as dishwater. Let both the men go and you enjoy a glass of wine and a long bath.

PuttingDownRoots · 05/07/2023 20:42

Shes likely not the only one with three or four parents, or a sibling thats too young to be left etc.... just turning up isn't fair on everyone.

Ring to ask if spare tickets are available.

WimpoleHat · 05/07/2023 20:42

Explain the situation to the school; as others have said, I’m sure they’ll be able to make an exception.

veryfluffyfluff · 05/07/2023 20:49

They won't just make an exception. She won't be the only one with stepparents or other relatives who might want to come along. The best thing to do is ask if they have spare tickets a couple of nights before.

veryfluffyfluff · 05/07/2023 20:49

Or who knows maybe the 15 year old doesn't want her step dad there

Ponderingwindow · 05/07/2023 20:51

There is no issue here. She invited her father. He attends. So do you.

Original poster

Kayos10 · 05/07/2023 21:24

Fakeairpodsfakeoodie · 05/07/2023 20:41

I bet apart from 2 seconds your DD is on stage it'll be dull as dishwater. Let both the men go and you enjoy a glass of wine and a long bath.

I like this idea best, but daughter wants me there unfortunately.

OP posts:

Moredramathanrazzamatazz · 05/07/2023 21:29

Unfortunately I think stepdad needs to step aside on this occasion. There will be other times he can go.

aSofaNearYou · 05/07/2023 21:56

I think you are trying too hard to appease her ex step dad if you think the best solution is for you to not go so they both can. That's madness.

The obvious answer if you can't get another ticket is that her dad should go - she's invited him, she wants him there are would be upset if you didn't allow it. Ex step dad needs to accept his role, really, and I say that as a step parent.

SouthLondonMum22 · 05/07/2023 22:00

Kayos10 · 05/07/2023 21:24

I like this idea best, but daughter wants me there unfortunately.

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Your daughter also wants her dad there.

RunningOnHope · 05/07/2023 22:00

At 15, it's her invitation to make. There's no dilemma, she has invited you and her dad. Who told step dad about it? Did she or you give him the impression he was invited? Whoever did, now needs to make clear that there's no ticket available for him this time.

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