Help me deal with my 4 year old please

[JoshandJamie]

My son turned 4 last week. And ever since he has been:

• hitting his brother far more than before
• lying about everything - and blaming his brother
• but most irritating of all, he keeps wetting his pants despite being toilet trained yonks ago. We haven't had any accidents for ages and now he is peeing in his pants several times and day - and then lying about it.

What is the best way to deal with this? I've tried incentivising - if you stay dry all day there is a special treat. But it hasn't worked.

Am thinking of hauling out the reward boards again - but they've not really worked in the past.

Should I just ignore the peeing in pants or should I be picking him up on it? I've tried asking why he's doing it and he just says: it's not him, it's Jamie.

Jamie meanwhile is 2.5 and has been potty trained since he was 23 months but in the last month has got so bad that I've resorted to putting him in nappies a few times when we've been going out.

Neither of them seems remotely bothered if they walk around in wet pants.

I really felt we were over the whole potty thing with both of them but I feel as though we're going 100 steps back. Help!

Has anything preceded this, that they have both started wetting again? I've just been through similar with 2.5 yr old, but we'd just had a new baby, and dh, who is in the navy, was home after 9 mths, so there was a lot of upheaval in her little life. Drove me crackers, though! Tried everything! Like your ds, she wouldn't tell me why, but we had a converation along the lines of "why do you think a little girl who never used to wet her pants would suddenly start...etc?" and she suggested that maybe she was bored!! An answer I didn't even think of, but started trying to find more activities for her to do, and lo and behold, she stopped wetting! (bizarre child!)I did read on one website, when trying to find an answer, that it was regressive behaviour, and the answer was actually to baby her more in other ways!! I was doing the opposite, telling her what a big girl she was now, she didn't need to be wetting her pants etc, so started ignoring it more and reassuring her that she would always be my baby etc. Obviously its a slightly different situation for you, as it's not a response to a new baby, but maybe there's some other trigger?? dd2 didn't respond to incentives etc either! Good luck!

Thanks Redjools. I can't think of any trigger. We went through hell last year when our house was flooded but we've long since sorted all that out - and we didn't have any wobbles then.

The younger one has been getting progressively worse - he was dry and out of nappies at 23 months. Would have the odd accident. Then it gradually happened more often and in the last little while, seems to have gotten really bad. With him, I think he's just young and forgets how - he's still not yet quite 2.5.

I'm wondering whether older brother sees younger brother peeing in his pants and wants to do the same for whatever reason. The little one doesn't get attention for peeing in his pants - is just cleaned up and reminded to go to the toilet.

I'll ask him again why and see what he says - then I might try the babying in other areas and see if that works. The only big thing that has happened was turning 4 last week and having a party. MAybe it was all the pressure of becoming a big boy and being four that's done it??

Thanks Winnie - you sound like a lovely mum. He's only due to start school in September. But I think maybe he does just need more babying/cuddling - he is just so volatile. Honestly, he has moods like a teenager already!

my four year old has been wetting herself frequently over the past few weeks, both day and night. my husband and me are tearing out hair out. we will certainly try babying her and giving her more affection as nothing seems to be working. I just hope it works

have you ruled out a urine infection?

its definately not somethign you should ignore my newphew does it constantly, the district nurse says it can sometimes be behavour related ie attention seeking, or stress.

She recommended getting incontinence products for kids, for light wee you can get washable kids pants with a built in pad and if its heavier there is disposable pants that hold more and have odour protection, the ones my sister used were attends pull-ons and attends washable boys briefs you can view them at www.attendslifestyles.co.uk