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Parenting

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How to explain to my 6 year old why their dad doesn’t see him

1 reply

Okwhatn0w · 04/07/2023 22:28

when my DS was 3 years old he used to see his dad almost every weekend but the more time went on he was becoming more and more upset about going, crying asking to come home when he was there and I just thought it was down to him missing me or being bored, one night when I was putting him to bed in his words he said “can you protect me from the monster” (he used to talk about a monster a lot I just thought it was something he had watched or made up) when I asked what monster he said my daddy and the things he does to me( then went on to tell me what had been happening). I promised him I would and told dad I needed to speak to him about something important DS had said and I haven’t heard a thing from the pos since that message 3 years ago. I contacted SS and they done a full investigation but the bottom line was there wasn’t enough evidence. They told me to go no contact and that if he wanted to go to court he could but in there experience when someone does what he did they won’t take it any further. My ds still loves and misses him and doesn’t understand the seriousness of what happened to him, he now says it was all a nightmare and that it’s ok because dreams aren’t real he has nightmares about the specific things that happened regularly so I can understand why he has done this to cope.(he is still waiting for therapy after 2.5 years)
Now where I stand is how do I age appropriately explain to him that if he wasn’t guilty he would still be in his life? im at such a loss my heart is broken for my broken little boy

OP posts:
Billi80 · 04/07/2023 22:50

I’m so sorry OP. I can’t offer great advice but as a single mother (DD father is also absent) all I can say is this small family of the two of you is and will be your DS normal. There are no missing parts or defects. Point out regularly that all families are different, that yours is the two of you with some people on the outside. Kids romanticise fathers and absent parents. All you can say at this point is that his father is not there. Maybe use the word father rather than Daddy. Say it’s the man who helped you make DS and your little family of 2. This was advice given to me by a counsellor.

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