Kids!!

[James637]

Hi all,

I’m wondering what people think in regards to having children. Is there ways to have a meaningful life to the same degree without fathering kids? Parents always say to me you don’t know what you are missing and how great and full of emotions they are, and I’m like so on the fence but it’s this magical unknown joy that the describe that makes me feel like I’m missing out.

Can life with just a partner and a dog be enough? I know it’s a personal thing for everyone but like the majority of people have kids and I’m like should I follow the crowd 🙈

It’s this whole depth of emotion stuff they talk about and purpose and how it changed their perspective. You can’t really argue with it when you haven’t been over that side of the fence. This side of the fence is ok at the moment though and I enjoy day to day stuff and travel and my job etc but I’m like with having kids open my heart to a new dimension? 😂😂

Well, you can't really replicate the situation of having a tiny helpless person totally dependent on you for everything. That's pretty unique to parenting babies and small children. It's not the same as short periods of looking after other people's children. Also having to make life decisions based on their needs rather than just your own needs or desires.

Then there's also realising that you're responsible for how they turn out, to the main degree. Which includes being thrilled when good things happen but also mortified or deeply saddened when bad things happen.

In terms of building a life though, you don't need to take part in any of the above if it doesn't appeal to you. It's not necessary to have children in order to have a fulfilled life or experience a wide range and depth of emotions.

Yeah I feel like it’s so ingrained that everyone has children it’s hard to see another path to a full life. Every time I see older celebrities without children or ‘normal’ couples my instant thought is to feel like there’s something missing for them. I know that’s a bias but it’s hard to see it another way in the 2.4 kids society we live in

Anyone else any thoughts here?

While one could argue that procreation is the reason we are here, obviously there's a million more ways to have a fulfilling life. Children can be all encompassing, to the detriment of your own goals and ambitions - maybe more true for women than men. There are illustrations throughout history of men being fathers but not being Dads, as their own passions (for creating art, science whatever) seems to give them licence to leave the parenting to someone else and therefore only a remote relationship to their offspring, however much they think they love them. Someone has to do the nitty gritty of childcare. And be under no illusion that it's only the early years that require work - I found parenting teenagers far more difficult.
Yes there is a love for your children you may not experience in any other way. But there is also almost unbearable pain too.
I know several people who have full lives without having children. They usually have careers that provide with them with the required need to nurture or feel needed - my child free sister is a psychiatrist, for example. Or they have passions that having children would interfere with - extensive travelling, perhaps. Or they are just not interested in kids so live their lives to suit them, and therefore can become, well, prime ministers or leaders in their fields. Or not - my neighbours are a middle aged couple with no children. They travel a lot, have money to spare, and seem to be totally happy without being big captains of industry.
Not that these are mutually exclusive, of course, many successful people have children. But I think it is not the be all and end all of life. And they do eventually grow up and be one independent, and it's important to have something else.
Saying you can't have a ducking life without children is disrespectful to not only the people who choose not to, but can't. Would you say to Teresa May, Paolo Gentiloni, Helen Mirren, Oprah Winfrey, Dolly Parton, Condoleezza Rice they are lacking? You seem to think they are, which is insulting considering what they have achieved. They may have private sorrow about being child free, or they may not. But they certainly have contributed to society and presumably they feel fulfilled to a major extent in that respect. And one doesn't have to be a celebrity to do that.

Ducking? Fulfilling!