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Nursery friendship drama…

4 replies

Sweetashunni · 03/07/2023 21:35

Okay I realise this sounds a bit silly. My 3 year old is a full time nursery goer and is the type to usually have one or two ‘special friendships’, kids he spends most of his time with and calls his best friends. This obviously changes if he moves a class and they stay behind. His most recent friendship started about 5 months ago, and over the last couple of months DP has been taking him for play dates with this child and his dad.

DP commented that this kid is quite highly strung and has frequent meltdowns, and can be a bit bossy towards DS, but I didn’t think much of it as kids will be kids.

However I tagged along on one of these play dates a few weeks ago and was pretty horrified. This boy is very up and down with DS, one minute playing nicely and the next he was screaming in DS’s face (no exaggeration) to ‘stop following him’ and ‘leave him alone’ over some perceived slight. DS looked really shaken and upset and seemed relieved when the play date was over.

Nursery have also commented that this friend is quite possessive over DS and intense, and that DS often tries to escape playing with him but isn’t always successful.

DS’s behaviour has also deteriorated, he has become more sullen and highly strung himself and seems exhausted when returning from nursery every day. He’s also started wetting the bed again, not sure if it’s linked to stress (we had him checked over by GP and seems fine otherwise).

I know I can’t realistically expect the nursery to keep them apart, but would I be unreasonable to ask them to encourage DS to play with other friends and make an effort to cool things between them?

Thanks

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takealettermsjones · 04/07/2023 04:28

I would expect nursery to keep my child away from someone who's repeatedly screaming in their face tbh. Once or twice is "kids will be kids." A longer pattern that's affecting mood/behaviour/other friendships isn't okay.

Tara24 · 04/07/2023 04:46

Stop the playdates and gently steer DS away. Speak to the nursery and ask them to support you with this. It seems they've noticed there's an issue which is a good starting point.

drunkpeacock · 04/07/2023 07:00

Nursery have also commented that this friend is quite possessive over DS and intense, and that DS often tries to escape playing with him but isn’t always successful.

Erm I'd be making it clear to the nursery that as the adults responsible, if they notice that ds is trying to escape then they need to make sure that's what happens. Also I'd be asking them to encourage other friendships and inviting different children on play dates. I mean, yes this child is still only little so has a lot of maturing to do but if your ds' behaviour has deteriorated and he sounds quite stressed by this friendship then the adults need to step in!

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Totaly · 04/07/2023 07:03

Drop the best friends title, just say no we have lots of friends - the best friends thing causes so much issues at school!

I would also drop the play dates and just be unavailable.

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