Anxiety over an uncertain future for my 6yo

[Fionastaffs]

Advice on managing anxiety about your child please! My 6yo has a mild stammer that has been around for 3.5 years so probably will always be. It's mild and doesn't bother her, but I recently read a book that said it usually gets more severe as they get more aware etc. My anxiety is so bad about it, I'm so worried about her getting bullied and/or having no friends that it's taking over my life. I'm struggling to eat, feel jittery and sick. Does anyone have any good advice?!

Hi, has she had any speech therapy at all?

Yes she's had speech therapy

Sorry you’re having a rough time. I can understand how you feel my soon has speech delay and ASD. It’s very hard sometimes not to worry about how their futures will plan out. Is she getting any support at school or speech & Language?

My husband has a stammer, it’s got milder with age but he told me oh was quite prominent when he was at school, but he’s always had lots of friends and it’s never really effected that aspect of his life. When he’s trying to talk quickly or is a big anxious (like doing a presentation) it’s more obvious but otherwise you probably wouldn’t know he had it unless he told you.

hope you’re ok

My daughter had a mild stammer around 6. No speech therapist would take her on though as it wasn't really noticeable. She got more anxious about it around 13 and I found something she'd written about it and how it was affecting her. I talked to her about it and suggested we get some speech therapy. I found someone who could work with her, and she did overcome it. Also turns out she was ND with late diagnosis and stammering was a symptom of that.

I can't offer any advice for a childhood stammer, but one of my friend's has a pronounced stammer and she's a brilliant lawyer, has lots of friends, great family. We've never actually discussed her stammer so I don't know her opinion on it, but just to reassure you it doesn't need to be an insurmountable obstacle.

That's interesting - did it get more severe as she approached 13, or was it still mild?

Which therapy did you use once she reached 13?

Hi there, it sounds long-winded but I wonder if it would actually be helpful for your DC if you sought therapy for your anxiety about their long-term anxiety, if that makes sense.

This is because i) you'll then be prepped and experienced at what therapy is like, and also what kind of techniques are used for anxiety and also ii) 'co-regulation' is protective for your child. What I mean by that is, if you feel calm, that helps your child feel calm. If you feel confident that if they have anxiety it can be helped, they will have more confidence.

The flipside is that whether or not you think you are communicating your anxiety, they may feel it and unfortunately this may increase their risk of feeling anxious. It may show on your face when they stammer, for instance, that you are worried about them worrying about it.

So this might be a good time to seize the moment, and start a virtuous cycle. Model getting help for your worries, lighten your own load, and that is likely to long-term help your DC.

Ps you sound like an amazing loving and caring parent, I bet the two of you have a beautiful bond.

No, it didn't get more severe. In fact, I didn't realise she still had it. It might have gone away in between. It was when she had to speak in class, and was feeling anxious about it, that it happened at that later stage. I told her I'd picked up her piece of paper because I was tidying to check whether it needed to be kept, so saw what she'd written. I just looked up some speech therapists and asked if they could work with a teen who stuttered a bit. The first didn't, the second did. I explained the situation to her and she sounded good. She even came to my home to work with my daughter. It only took a few sessions and the problem was resolved.

OP, it is entirely understandable that you are concerned. But this level of anxiety is completely OTT and will be very detrimental to both you and your DC. It's also a relatively manageable issue so I'd be concerned how you're going to cope with anything that is really serious.

So... keep on with speech therapy for your child. That will help. Take advice from experts on this about, for example, including/excluding her from school performances, taking up singing etc. I have no idea what would be recommended but I am sure an expert could help.

And then also seek support for your own anxiety. Perhaps start with your GP and also explore therapy.

Good luck.